


Still Evolving

by Bugaboos



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Aged up player character, Angst, Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Sex, Slow Burn, some descriptions of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:10:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 47,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9449612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bugaboos/pseuds/Bugaboos
Summary: Pokemon evolve in a variety of ways. People do too. Sure, people might not sprout wings or claws, but internal changes matter just as much, even if it's little by little. For people, evolution is not instantaneous; it's a process, and one that can't begin until you choose it. And maybe sometimes you need a little push. Ya Boi might need a bit of a push from the current champ. He's still got time to evolve, even if he doesn't see it yet. And hey! Maybe you do too. So help big bad Guzma get his post-game redemption arc.





	1. First Impression

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So this is my first time posting on Ao3 and the first time I've wrote fan fiction (or really anything) in a long time. So this might be rough, but here goes! Haven't been this obsessed with a character in a while and I wanted to add to the Guzma/reader fics. I'm sorta undecided on if there will be smut. I'm thinking heck yes, but we'll see where it goes. Sort of a slight AU, as reader is aged up and role in the game has slightly changed. Well, you'll see.

Hau'oli city is perfect. You had considered moving closer to the Pokemon League on Mount Lanakila, or at the very least, to the same island, but you just couldn't leave Hau'oli behind. So sure, maybe the commute to work could take a while, but it was worth it to be able to stay in a city you'd fallen in love with. You liked your little apartment that being champ paid for, you liked living near friends you'd made, you liked the city, and you liked it's peacefulness despite being the largest city in Alola. 

But that peacefulness was gone today. You'd gotten back from defending your title, and were going to heal up your pokemon at Hau'oli's Pokemon Center, but you could tell something was up as soon as you dismounted from the Charizard that brought you there. People seemed to be in a bit of a rush to leave the building, some looking angry, some looking concerned. There was commotion coming from inside and a small crowd was starting to form. The gathering crowd gasped and scattered a bit as one of the center's windows shattered, the appendage of a pokemon now punched through it. An appendage you recognized; the giant claw of a Golisopod. Was it his? Wouldn't be a complete surprise to find him causing mayhem. What was it he called himself? Destruction in human form? 

You have your answer when you hear Guzma yelling from within the building, "Buddy! Buddy, please, I'm begging ya, get back in the ball!" With your suspicions confirmed, you move closer, catching passing conversations as you go. 

"Fucking criminal," says a man to your left. He spits on the ground. "He should be locked up." You try to ignore the murmurs of agreement this gets him. 

From your right you hear two women talking. "He shouldn't have those Pokemon. He can't even control them," one says.

The other crosses her arms. "Take them away and see how he likes it. Probably doesn't treat them right anyway."

"Who is he?" you hear one child ask another. 

"Guzma," the other answers. "My dad says he's," the kid lowers his voice, but you still hear it, "a worthless asshole. Mom says to stay away from him. I'm not allowed to talk to him."

Guzma certainly hadn't made any friends since disbanding Team Skull. You couldn't exactly blame the locals entirely for the way they felt. As the leader of a gang, he had done his fair share of misdoings. Still, you couldn't help but feel a small fire building in your belly as their venom reached your ears. You'd once felt similar to them, but you'd noticed a change in Guzma after his return from Ultra Space. He'd clearly been knocked down a peg and it seemed as if that peg was shaky anyway. It wasn't too hard to tell there was more going on with him than what he let on. And, maybe your attraction to him made you have a bit of a soft spot. Regardless, you felt he deserved some forgiveness. 

When you reach for the door of the Pokemon Center, someone recognizes you and shouts, "Hey, the champ's gonna set him straight!"

There's yells of agreement and encouragement. Someone tells you to "kick his ass!" Another says to "Run him the fuck out of here!"

"No no," you start, but you don't know what to say and you just want to get inside to help. The crowd has become too loud for you to really get a word in anyway. There's another loud crash inside and a woman's scream. You give up on trying to explain yourself to the crowd out for Guzma's blood and go inside. 

The place is utterly wrecked. Furniture is soaked, damaged, and toppled. There's gashes opened up in the walls and floor. The PC by the nurse's station is obliterated and smoking. Water drips down from the ceiling. And in the middle of all the madness, you see him. He's standing between Golisopod and a cowering nurse, his hands pressed into the giant bug, trying to push him backwards. "Relax, big guy! She's not doing anything! It's fine!" he shouts, but his pokemon seems resolute on getting to the nurse. Guzma slowly reaches into the pocket of his large black hoodie and pulls out a Pokeball. "You've gotta go back!"

Golisopod slaps the ball out of his hand. It hits the ground and rolls toward you. You inhale, gathering your courage, and pick up the ball. "Hey! What exactly is going on?"

All three heads snap towards you. They'd been too preoccupied to notice you standing there. Guzma rolls his eyes, hands still holding back his pokemon. "Oh, just fucking perfect," he says. 

The nurse looks wild and panicked. "Please! Fight it! Something! Anything!"

"No, it's ok!" Guzma yells. "Don't make him fight. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's just... scared."

The nurse is sobbing. Clearly more terrified than the pokemon trying to get past its trainer. 

Guzma reaches up with one hand, and gently pats the bug on the head. "You're not gonna hurt anyone, right buddy?" 

Golisopod roars. The nurse screams, falls backward, and becomes even more of a sobbing mess. Guzma resumes pushing against the creature as hard as he can. 

You start to sweat. Ok, so he doesn't want it to fight. But do you have a choice here? Maybe if you could just distract it with something. You fish around in your bag and take out a handful of pokebeans, silently praying that this'll work. "Hey!" you shout again and throw a bean. 

Golisopod turns away from Guzma and the nurse and watches the bean fly, landing a few feet away from them. There's an intense few seconds where it just stares at the bean, antennae twitching. Then it moves for it. You toss another. And another. The bug seems like it's calming down. 

The petrified nurse gets to her feet and moves to the nurses station. You throw Guzma Golisopod's ball. He's still marveling at how you managed to distract it, and almost drops the ball. He quickly returns his pokemon, places the ball in his hoodie pocket, and starts looking around at the damage. He looks surprised and kinda sheepish with a hand rubbing the back of his neck and his shoulders slumping. 

You approach him. "What happened?"

"He sicced his pokemon on me!" The nurse yells and points before he can answer. 

"I did not!" he yells back, looking past your shoulder at the nurse's station. 

"You did! I told you that you can't stay here anymore and your vicious bug attacked!" The nurse is furious. 

"Stay here?" you ask Guzma confused. 

He's back to looking sheepish. "Yeah, I mean, I dunno. I was sorta staying here. Trainers stay at Pokemon Centers all the time."

"Children!" The nurse shouts. "Children taking their island challenge stay at Pokemon Centers, not deadbeat gang leaders!"

"Hey, hey, that's former gang leader, ok? I don't do that shit anymore," he says, trying to turn a table back over. 

"Don't bother trying to fix anything! Just leave! Get out! Do not come back." 

Guzma's arms drop to his sides. You're honestly surprised he's not more angry. Had this been before Ultra Space, you're sure he'd be arguing with her more, but right now? Right now he just looks so... defeated. He sighs and glances at you, looking embarrassed. "Yeah, yeah, ok," he tells the nurse. "Lemme just get my things." He walks off toward the trainer quarters. 

"Thank you." The nurse says to you. She sighs in relief and composes herself. You approach the nurse's station and wonder if it would be too much to ask that your pokemon be healed. The machinery for that still seems to be in working order. 

You pull out your pokeballs, and before you can say anything, she smiles at you and takes them. Her hair is disheveled, her makeup is ruined from tears, and her uniform is torn at her shoulder. You're not sure she wants to talk about him, but you risk it anyway. "So, uh, how long has he been staying here." 

She places your pokeballs on the machine, and rolls her eyes. "A couple weeks. I should have kicked him out far before that."

"But, why is he staying here? Don't his parents live on Route 2?"

She shrugged. "Guess they kicked him out. Wouldn't you?"

You don't respond and she continues, "He came in looking pretty rough though. He was probably getting into fights and they didn't want to deal with the trouble." She huffed, "Doesn't mean I have to deal with it." She hands you back your pokeballs. "Anyway, I'm sorry you had to help with this. If you wanna go, it's fine. I'm sure the champion has more important things to deal with than his dumb ass." 

You shuffle nervously, placing your pokeballs back in your bag. As you do, your hand brushes against a dawn stone. It's the one Guzma gave you after you beat him in a battle on the beach a few weeks ago. "I ain't never gonna ask you to forgive me, so don't get it twisted" he had said. "This is no apology! But shut up and take this! I got it for my first ever victory, and it's always been like my lucky charm!" You were incredibly touched that he'd given this to you, and carried it with you everywhere. And it certainly didn't seem to help the small crush you were developing on him. 

Running a thumb over the stone, you tell the nurse that you're gonna wait for Guzma. She raises an eyebrow at you but says no more. 

Guzma reappears with a bag slung over his shoulder. He stops when he sees that you're still in the Pokemon Center. "What? What do you want?" he sounds a little angry and maybe even ashamed, as if none of this spectacle was anything he wanted you to see. 

"Where are you gonna go?"

He bristles. "It's none of your business, Miss Princess Champion," he says, eyebrows furrowed and his usual glare on his face. 

He starts to walk past you and you grab his arm. He freezes. "Guzma." 

He looks you in the eye and then looks away. He gently pulls his arm out of your grip. "Don't worry about it." He continues walking. 

Your pulse picks up a bit as you panic. You ball your fists, wishing that you had more time to think and determine if what's about to come out of your mouth is a good idea. But he's reaching for the door now, and there's no time to overthink it. "You can stay at my place!"

His hand drops from the door and he turns around, surprised. The nurse behind you audibly huffs disapproval. Guzma looks at her, then looks at you. His face becomes screwed up in confusion. "What? I- Are you... sure about that?"

"Yeah!" You try to sound confident. "It's just a little apartment here in the city, but I've got room, if you've got nowhere to go." 

He puts a hand behind his head again. Rubbing the back of his undercut seems to be a nervous habit. He goes back to scowling. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

You release a breath that you were unaware you were holding until then and walk toward him. He gives you a sarcastic lead-the-way gesture and you both leave the wrecked center. 

The crowd is still there and they fall silent when they see Guzma emerge. His scowl deepens and you two begin to make your way through the crowd. 

They cast him the nastiest looks imaginable. The man who spat on the ground earlier breaks the silence. "You should be fucking ashamed of yourself!" he yells at Guzma's back. 

Guzma's hands become fists, but he just continues to look at the ground and walk. Definitely not the same Guzma he used to be. 

"Do you hear me, boy?!" the man continues. "You are good for absolutely nothing. You're human garbage." 

Guzma whips around now, enraged. You need to get him out of there. You need to deescalate this. You gently grab his arm and pull. But Guzma doesn't move. 

The man continues. "You need to get the fuck out of this city. Look what you've done to this Pokemon Center!" he gestures behind him and the crowd murmurs agreement. 

And Guzma does look. He sees the broken window and the wreckage beyond. His face falls for a second and then becomes resolute. "Fuck you!" he yells at the man. "I didn't do this shit on purpose. Fuck all of you."

You're pushing him now. This cannot end well. The crowd is growing louder. Guzma's resisting your shoves. People are coming closer and he's pulled himself up out of his typical slouching posture to his full height, trying to look as tall and big as possible. You tell him to ignore them, but he ignores you. 

"You're not welcome in this city!" the man yells. People are now cheering in agreement. You reach into your bag and get out your ride pager. 

"You wanna get beat down?" Guzma screams. 

People are still drawing closer when a Charizard drops from the sky, causing them to backoff. You get on, and reach out a hand to Guzma. "Let's go."

He looks up at you, looks at the angry crowd, then turns back and takes your hand. You help him on, though he's rather heavy compared to you, and he settles in behind you as the ride pokemon takes off. 

He's warm, and you're hyper-aware of every movement he makes. The saddles aren't exactly big and there's nowhere else for him to grab, so he's awkwardly holding onto your middle. Of course, it's not far to your apartment, so it's only a few minutes before the Charizard is landing on the roof. Guzma gets down first, and you feel a little embarrassed that you already miss the physical contact. You dismount and the pokemon leaves. 

He's breathing heavily, still raging. He seems to be looking anywhere but you. 

"I'm sorry," you tell him. "You didn't deserve that."

Your heart breaks as he slumps a bit, stares at the ground, and says, "Yeah, actually, I kinda do." He used to be so cocky, or, at the very least, he was good at pretending he was. What exactly happened to him? 

Wind whips up around the roof and you shiver. "Let's talk about this inside," you say. "Over Tapu Cocoa?"

He still wont look up at you. He just shrugs his shoulders. 

You both exit the roof and go inside the apartment building. You're quiet as you walk down a couple flights of stairs, and down a hallway until you reach your apartment door. You unlock it, and let him inside. As you're closing the door, you still can't believe you now have the actual former boss of Team Skull staying with you.


	2. Leech Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, let's continue! Thank you for the kudos and comments! They're a big encouragement to keep going. This chapter is going to be a bit more backstory, with a perspective switch to Guzma as he reveals some things to the reader. Hopefully it's not too much of an info dump. Let me know what you think! Also this is the chapter where we find out about abuse and violence in Guzma's past so here's a warning for that.

Your apartment is very small. It only has one bedroom, and besides that, just a kitchen, bathroom, and living room. You know it's nothing like the mansion he and Team Skull had taken over in Po Town, but hey, at least it's not trashed. Your decorations are sparse, as you really hadn't spent much time there yet. First there was following Hau and Lillie around during Hau's island trials, then there was being champion. All of this had kept you away from your little home base. Furniture too was in short supply, but the couch was new and so should be comfortable enough. 

Guzma just sort of stands awkwardly in the living room, looking around, like he's waiting on some sort of cue from you that it's really, honestly ok that he's here. "It's alright, have a seat," you tell him. At least he's looking more calm compared to when you'd first arrived. He places his bag on the ground and sits on the couch. 

You know you probably shouldn't pry or try to get him to say too much too soon, but you are just so insatiably curious as to what's going on with him. You know he loves Tapu Cocoa, and you want an excuse to sit with him and talk, so you go to the kitchen to fix the drink you promised. 

As you're heating up milk and mixing cocoa powder, apprehension also strikes you. Was this really a good idea? You feel so caught between two emotions. One part of you is embarrassingly excited. You weren't sure after the beach battle how often you would see him, and the thought of not being able to pursue so much as a friendship with him caused a pang in your stomach and you weren't entirely sure why. So to have him actually staying here now? A chance to push things along? Well, that made you feel on pins and needles. 

But another part of you wonders if this was a rash decision. After all, one of the things you loved about the city was the relative peacefulness and the way so many people knew you and were friendly to you. ... Guzma would break that peace. He already had broken that peace. After the spectacle at the Pokemon Center, you know people will talk. When people find out he's staying with you, they'll talk even more. You needed to figure out how much you cared about that. Not to mention, was it really wise to invite a former gang leader to stay with you? How well do you know Guzma? Well, at the very least, you know you want to know him better. And not just because you maybe have a slight crush on him, but because he seemed like he could really use a friend. 

As you walk out with two steaming cups of cocoa, he's sitting with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. You don't think you've ever seen him so dejected. You think back over the short time you've known him and all the times you'd bumped into him while shadowing Hau and Lillie. 

You'd been enthusiastically hired by Professor Kukui to assist him in setting up Alola's own Pokemon League - a task you were very nearly complete with at this point. You were a former Kanto champ, and Kukui was relying on your experience to make the league a reality. You were curious about the island challenge, (though you were obviously too old to take it) and you needed to be shown around Alola, so Kukui had you tag along with Hau. This was invaluable scouting experience as it was up to you to select gym leaders for the region. A few of the trial captains would be obvious picks. 

Kukui himself picked out the elite four, and for the very first champion? Well you had been a champion before, so he settled on you. He had insisted, despite your initial declining. Those who had passed all the island trials were already able to battle the elite four, and you as the champion. Kukui had decided that the league and all the gyms would officially be open when you had been defeated. You're sure he didn't mean to put so much on you, but your life has been a bit of a mess as you basically had two jobs. You're scrambling to choose the final gym leaders while also defending your title. 

Moving to Alola had been a bit of a whirlwind. Following Hau around the islands had not gone smoothly. You'd gotten caught up in things like ultra beasts, the Aether Foundation, and, of course, Team Skull. And with that came Guzma. You remember meeting him for the first time in Malie Garden. At first you figured him to be nothing but a pompous troublemaker, but as you kept running into him, you began to find him sort of comical. The way he tried so hard, but if you looked close enough it was all just talk. And when you realized how much his team cared for him, you started to find him charming. Kind of a lovable loser. You definitely had a soft spot for him.

Back then he'd been so cocky and overconfident. But now? 

He must have felt you staring at him, because he lifts up his head and looks at you. Your cheeks flush a little at being caught, and you quickly move to the couch, sitting down and handing him one of the mugs. 

He takes it from you cautiously, almost suspiciously. "Thanks," he mutters. 

"You're welcome," you say, and then there's an intense, awkward silence for a while as neither of you say anything, just take small sips of cocoa. 

"So, uh," you begin. 

He looks at you nervously, clearly dreading anything you're about to say or ask. 

"Um, how are you?" you finish, regretting the shaky, high pitched way it comes out. 

He snorts into his cocoa. "Oh. Just peachy. Just fucking peachy."

"You wanna talk about it?"

He runs a hand down his face. "Oh my god."

"I mean! We don't have to. You know, if you'd rather not. I'm just putting the offer out there."

He sighs, setting his cocoa down on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Just, look. You don't have to let me stay if you don't want to. You don't owe me anything. You don't have to pity me. I don't want pity."

"That's not-"

"Why are you doing this? Why let me stay?"

"Well, I couldn't just let you go off with no where to go!"

He looks at you coldly. "And why not?"

"Because!" you pause. You're trying to pick your words carefully, but you're flustered. Offering the best smile you can, despite your nerves, you say, "Because maybe you're not as bad as they all think you are."

He gives a short, sarcastic laugh. "Oh you think so, huh?" He picks up his cocoa again and resumes drinking. 

"Well, are you?"

He looks at you and shrugs. "You heard them. I'm human garbage."

"What happened to 'big bad Guzma' and all his confidence?"

That makes him give a small laugh again, but more genuine this time. You see one of the corners of his mouth twitch up. He sets his mug back down and turns toward you. "Fine. You wanna know? You got it. I guess it's the least I could do for lettin me stay here."

~~~

"I ain't never gonna ask you to forgive me, so don't get it twisted - this is no apology! But shut up and take this! I got it for my first ever victory, and it's always been like my lucky charm!" he told her, handing her his dawn stone. But it was an apology; and a thank you. She seemed dumbfounded. He gave her one last look, mustering up a big smirk, then shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away. 

Had things been different - if he were different, someone else - maybe he could have gotten to know her better. He wanted to, but he knew it was best to stay away. She was, after all, the champion, and trusted to help Kukui set up Alola's new league. She had a good reputation to maintain. And who was he? A gang leader. A troublemaker. He was a thief, dead weight, and useless. And now, without Lusimine and without Team Skull, he really was no one. He knew he was beyond forgiveness. It was on every face he passed by. Hell, it was on his own parents' faces. No, the best favor he could do for her would be to stay away. 

Even if he felt some sort of connection. He got the feeling she could somehow see past his bullshit. Each time they'd met up, she seemed to warm up to him more and more. It was subtle, but when she looked at him, she'd gone from angry and maybe even fearful, to friendliness and curiosity. He remembered when she cracked into a smile after he'd told her she and Lillie were stupid for coming after him into Ultra Space. He could still see that smile. He shook off the thought and continued home. 

The entire Ultra Space ordeal and the realization the Lusamine had merely been using him left what little confidence he had built up in shambles. He just couldn't continue on as he was. He didn't have it in him to bluff anymore. He disbanded Team Skull and returned home. He had left years prior in a rushed and violent way... it wasn't exactly a warm welcome when he returned, but his parents had let him stay. 

But his dad was his dad, and he was never gonna change. And now that he had even more reason to be disappointed in his son? Well, it didn't take long for old habits to come back. Guzma could do nothing right in his father's eyes. Every small thing was reason to yell, and occasionally, reason to get violent. 

The first time he'd left home, his dad had come after him with a golf club. Guzma couldn't even remember what had set his father off. The way he felt that night, - scared, heartbroken, and weary - were what he remembered most. Things were fuzzy beyond that, but there were bits and pieces. The endless yelling, his mother begging his father to stop, being shoved and smacked. He already had a split lip, multiple bruises, and what would turn into a black eye when the golf club came into the equation. 

His dad jerked a club out of the bag by the door. He took it in both hands, yelling, screaming, and spitting venomous words at his son. Guzma was on the ground, hands raised, eyes closed, preparing for the blow. But the club never came down on him. Guzma opened his eyes when he heard his dad yelp in surprise. His father was ripped off his feet and thrown bodily to the side, crashing into the TV. 

Standing where his father was just a moment before is a newly evolved Golisopod. His Wimpod had evolved to protect him. 

The towering bug advanced on his father. Guzma got to his feet and ran to his room, grabbing his pokemon and whatever else his panicked brain could think to take. He could hear his dad yelling and Golisopod roaring as they fought. From the sounds of it, the pokemon was clearly winning. 

His mother appeared in the doorway, crying and and alarmed. "Where are you going?!"

He pushed past her and went for the front door. All he could focus on was escaping. He threw open the door and ran into the dark and rainy night. Something large appeared next to him, and to his relief he saw that it was Golisopod. 

He ran aimlessly, Golisopod at his side, until he couldn't anymore, and collapsed. 

From there he had clawed his way up until he found himself the leader of Team Skull, and Golisopod had always remained overprotective of him. The pokemon still was when he returned to his parents house. In fact, this second time he had left home had been in an argument over Golisopod. 

As his dad fell back into old habits, Golisopod grew more and more aggressive. Eventually his dad told him the giant bug was no longer allowed in the house. For Guzma to stay, Golisopod had to go. Guzma kept his pokemon in the PC at the pokemon center to attempt to comply, but that wasn't good enough. His dad wanted it released. Or destroyed. After all, the pokemon had left him hospitalized and should be put down for that. Guzma refused. 

The argument escalated. His mother hid in his parents bedroom. Guzma was knocked around, but he didn't retaliate, even though he was now bigger than his father. He had to leave. He knew staying here wouldn't work out. That's why he was prepared this time. He walked away from his father and went to his room, grabbing a bag that was already ready to go. He had it under the bed waiting, just in case. His dad had followed him, yelling and shoving. Guzma did his best to ignore him. 

As he went for the front door, his dad blocked the way. He refused to move and kept swinging at his son when he'd get too close. This struggle continued for a while until his dad landed a good hit on his jaw, sending him backwards. "Fucking pathetic," he snarled at Guzma. "You are no son of mine." 

The words cut, even though, by this point, Guzma figured they shouldn't have. No matter how much his dad screamed and hit, and no matter how much he knew approval was never coming, he still craved it to his core. But no more. Somewhere within him rage bubbled over. Enough. It was enough. Guzma sat up, wiping blood from his mouth. He got to his feet, drew his fist back, and his fist connected with his dad's face. 

His father fell, shocked. Guzma had only every made weak, half-hearted attempts to fight back before, and even that was rare. He stood over his father now, tall and imposing. He had practiced this moment so often in his head. He had so much he wanted to say to his father. He wanted so badly to make him understand the pain and terror he had felt growing up. But after the punch all the anger in him had died, and all those words had disintegrated. So, he settled for, "Fuck you."

He left and could think of nowhere else to go but the Pokemon Center, where the nurse had grown increasingly weary with his presence and the grumbles from other patrons at his being there. She was finally, aggressively, telling him he needed to leave and that had set off Golisopod. Guzma might have grown up, but his pokemon was still fiercely protective. 

And to Guzma's endless embarrassment, not only had Golisopod proceeded to terrorize the nurse and tear the Pokemon Center apart... she had to step in. She had to swoop in and save him from his own mess, and now he's sitting on her couch. So much for staying away.


	3. Pollen Puff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the kudos and comments! Seriously, the comments really help and make me excited to get back to writing. No promises, but I'm gonna try to do a chapter a night until the fic is completed. This chapter will start off with Guzma's perspective, then switch to the reader. I probably won't do perspective switches every chapter, but they'll be where I think they should be. 
> 
> A couple other just for fun things before getting started: If you're on Tumblr, I have a Guzma trash blog where I mostly just reblog a lot of fan art and other inspiration for writing this. It's bugaboozma if you're interested. 
> 
> ALSO I dunno if people often do this but I sorta have a bit of a playlist to get into the mood for writing this lmao. If you're into that kinda thing, here it is:  
> -Closer by The Chainsmokers  
> -All Time Low by Jon Bellion  
> -Gone by JR JR  
> -Good Grief by Bastille  
> -Unpack Your Heart by Phillip Phillips
> 
> Hokay let's do this.

Of course, he wasn't going to tell her all the details. The very last thing he wanted was for her to pity him. To just sit here, and overwhelm her with his shitty life and have her realize he's every bit as pathetic as she might have already guessed. Maybe he shouldn't have even said what he did. Was it too much too soon? These stories were not impressive. Was he trying to impress her? 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped a bit in surprise. He looked up at her and... she had tears welling in her eyes. Dammit. He rolled his eyes and jerked away a little harder than he intended. She drew back. "You ain't gotta look like that," he told her, crossing his arms. "It's fine. It's over." But it wasn't really, was it? No, he was still feeling all the repercussions of an unfortunate upbringing. He was regretting revealing the tidbits he had. This wasn't how he wanted her to see him. 

"I'm sorry," she said. "That's just really awful is all. No one deserves to grow up with a dad like that."

Guzma shrugged. "Eh, it wasn't all bad. He could be a good guy sometimes too. The two times I left home were the worst anyway. Usually it was just yelling, maybe an occasional shove." He dared another look at her. She was still teary eyed. He sighed. "Just don't - don't worry about it, ok? I shouldn't have dumped that on you anyway." 

"No! It's okay. You can tell me whatever. I don't mind."

She looks so earnest and concerned when she says that and it's killing him. "Would you stop looking at me like that. It's not that big a deal."

She's suddenly looking kinda sarcastic, obviously changing her tactic. "What, no one's allowed to know that 'big bad Guzma' is anything other than cocky?"

He couldn't help the smirk on his face when she quoted him. He always appreciated that she seemed to sort of 'get it.' That she seemingly knew all his posturing was mostly a cover. He leaned towards her a bit and looked her in the eye. "Hey now, you wanna talk to ya boy about cock, well, I could be up for that." 

Her eyes widened a bit and her cheeks reddened. Then she smiled and gave him a playful shove. "What, would that be your way of paying rent?"

"Sounds like a great arrangement to me." He felt giddy that she was playing along. He couldn't keep the wicked grin off of his face when he saw her smile. 

She laughed. "Yeah, I don't think so."

Guzma settled back into the couch, grateful that the tension was broken and the focus was off of his past. He glanced over at her, "But, uh, you know I don't have any money to pay rent, right?"

"Yeah, I figured," she said. "I wasn't expecting you to. She stood up and took the empty mugs from the coffee table. "Did you ever take Hala up on his training offer?"

Guzma put a hand behind his head and rubbed at the short, bristly hair of his undercut. "Uh, no."

"Well, maybe you could do that for me as a favor for staying here."

"Oh come on!" he said, spreading his arms wide. "That old man has nothing new to teach me." She couldn't be be serious.

"Guess you'll just have to find that out." She was serious. She walked off to the kitchen with the mugs. 

He got up to follow her. As she placed the mugs in the sink, he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. "No."

She turned around, putting her hands on her hips, trying to look intimidating and failing. She was shorter than him, and her face was just too friendly to convey any sort of authority right now. He couldn't help but find the display cute. Staying here with her was clearly going to be trouble. "What have you got to lose?" she asked. 

"What do you care what I do?" he dodged the question, as he was fully aware he had nothing to lose. 

She gently pushed past him and he was embarrassed that the brief contact made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. She continued, "I have work all day, and you need something to do. Might as well be something constructive. What, are you just gonna hang around here?" 

Guzma shrugged. They'd moved back to the living room now, where she was getting extra blankets and pillows out of a closet. He really didn't feel like dealing with Hala again. "I don't think it's a good idea. Like at all," he said. 

She turned to him, arms outstretched and full of the bed things she'd found. She fixed him with a sincere look. "Please?"

Fuck. He sighed, taking the things from her hands and dramatically rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, fine. You happy?"

She lit up a bit at this, and he cursed the corners of his mouth for turning up against his wishes. Why couldn't he stop himself from mirroring her smile. "Yes," she said. 

"Good, because I ain't." Guzma dumped the blankets and pillows on the couch. 

"Yeah, well, set an alarm because if you aren't up when I leave, I'm waking you up." 

"Is it too late to go be homeless instead?"

She crossed her arms. "Yep, too late, you're stuck here now."

"Figures. Just my luck."

She gave him another gentle shove and Guzma's mouth twitched as he fought his hardest to keep from smiling. "I'm going to bed," she said. "Let me know if you need anything." she started to her bedroom. 

"Hey, uh, thanks," he said, swallowing. 

She reached the door and looked back at him. "Yeah, no problem. Good night."

"Night." And she was gone, leaving Guzma to his thoughts. 

He kicked off his shoes, put a pillow behind his head, and messily spread a blanket over himself as he reclined on the couch. He was too overwhelmed to really do much else in preparation for bed. Now that he was alone, his mind was racing. He absolutely could not believe he was crashing on her couch. It didn't even seem real. He laughed a bit in disbelief. He never could have predicted this. And she liked him enough to take him in. Maybe there was a chance that they could...

No. No, no, no. Can't think like that. She could do so much better for one. She deserved so much better. Plus he didn't want to try making any kind of move and have her think that he was just taking advantage of the situation or something. He had already failed in his task of staying away from her. He didn't need to do further damage (not to mention wound his ego) by thinking that he had any kind of chance. The Pokemon Center was bad enough. 

The Pokemon Center. He groaned and threw his arm over his eyes. He'd been so distracted with being here with her that he hadn't thought about it too much. But he really did feel guilty. And the faces of the people in the crowd -how angry they looked - and then there was that one guy screaming at him and, and...

Fuck em. He felt a bubble of rage in his chest. His other hand made a fist around the edge of the blanket. Fuck them all. They just didn't understand. They wouldn't give him a chance to explain, they... they were probably right about him. He unclenched his fist, letting the blanket go and turned over on his side. He sighed. Today was just another in a long line of fuck ups. And tomorrow? He rolled his eyes at the thought of being under the tutelage of Hala again. 

But hey, at the very least, he somehow wound up here. Now that was a spot of luck that he did not deserve. He turned back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He was going to have to do his best to make sure taking him in was a decision she wouldn't regret. And if that meant dealing with Hala, then so be it. 

~~~

Sleep would not come for you. Your mind just would't rest. You bounced back and forth between smiling like a fool and frowning in concern. Guzma is in your living room! ... Guzma is in your living room. What a bizarre day. And had he been sorta, you know, flirting with you kinda? Nah, he was just being an ass, right? Yeah, surely he wasn't. But maybe he was? 

You shake your head at yourself. Maybe it was better not to think that way. Surely he didn't look at you like that, and besides, you didn't want him to think you were letting him stay because you were hoping that something would happen. And you weren't, you really weren't. Especially after the few details he'd told you about his parents, you really did want to help him. This wasn't about your crush. Ok, so it wasn't just about your crush. You always did have a habit of rooting for the underdog. 

But did you have root for the one who's a former gang leader? That's no small thing, and everyone saw him leave with you. The nurse from the center overheard that he was staying here. Gossip was surely already flying around, and that is entirely unpleasant. But you just can't shake the feeling that they're wrong. That if they'd just look a little closer, they might find someone worthy of a second chance if they just gave him that chance. 

But in the end that was up to Guzma to prove. Training with Hala is a good start. You'd do your best to encourage him to keep up with that. But was that your place? Did you want to take on this burden? There's already so much on your plate. You think of the way he had leaned toward you and gave you a devilish grin on the couch earlier. You feel a small flutter in your chest and you're smiling in the dark again. Maybe this was a mistake, but you were willing to take that chance on Guzma to find out. If something happens between the two of you, it happens, and if it doesn't, then it doesn't. 

You finally fall asleep wondering what it would be like to have him there with you in the bed. You lay on your side imagining he's behind you with one arm draped over your arms, and one of his legs entangled with yours. 

 

Morning comes too soon, and you wake up groggily to your alarm. You got nowhere near enough sleep and you've got too much to do. You reluctantly rise from bed and start getting ready. 

Guzma is, of course, still asleep when you walk out to the living room. You watch him for a moment, marveling at how peaceful and untroubled he looks for once. Then you kneel down beside him and gently shake him. He mutters something you can't make out and doesn't wake. You shake him a bit harder. He opens his eyes, and flings himself backwards in alarm. 

"Oh, sorry! Didn't mean to scare you," you say. 

He rubs at his face. "What time is it?"

You throw open a curtain and he winces at the light. "Time to get up!" you say cheerily. 

He groans and buries his head in the pillow.

"Oh come on! Start getting ready. Hala's expecting you."

He fixes you with a death glare. "What, you told him already?"

"Yep, just this morning. This," you say with the most encouraging voice you can, "this is the first day of getting big bad Guzma back on track."


	4. Fell Stinger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, welcome back to the trashcan. Tonight's song? To the Top by Twin Shadow. I decided I'll give a song with every chapter, because as long as we're all living in this trashcan we might as well go for maximum feels, right? Don't question it, just join me in this cheesiness. For real though, you won't regret checking that song out.
> 
> So, some things in this chapter I may gloss over or move fast with because while a few other things may be going on, I want to keep the focus on the protagonist and Guzma. Maybe it's bad to say, but I know that I'll skip over things that just seem extra and aren't progressing the relationship at times, so I want to keep that stuff to a minimum in my own fic. 
> 
> These will be sorta snapshots of a short period of time progressing, with switching perspectives. I guess this is a bit of a slow burn. lol the ETA for sex is probs next chapter. But we're gonna get close here. Come along, and let me serve up the fluff.

With the big deal he's making of everything, you feel like you're sending your rebellious child off to school for the first time. He moves so slow and lazily with all he's doing. Getting him to get up and off the couch takes a ridiculous amount of nagging. Part of it, you suspect, is that he's enjoying the attention. It seems like he's not used to having someone fuss over him, and though he sighs and rolls his eyes, you also catch his small smiles. Of course, he's also probably procrastinating. You get the sense that he really does dread going to see Hala, and you're not sure why. 

After much hemming and hawing, you're both finally showered, fed, dressed, and out the door. You're standing outside your apartment building now, getting out your ride pager. He's waiting with you for the Charizard, even though he won't be coming with you and will be walking to Hala's. He's clearly stalling for more time. "What are you waiting on now?" you ask. 

"What?" he says, giving you his sarcastic smirk. "Don't get a goodbye kiss?"

You give a short laugh as you spot the Charizard preparing to descend above you. You decide to call his bluff. "Yeah, sure, come here."

His expression is pure comedy. His eyes widen and his hand goes behind his head to that now familiar position of rubbing at his undercut. But he doesn't move; just looks at you a little dumbfounded. What, was that too much? 

The Charizard lands, and you climb on. "See you later," you tell him. 

"Uh, yeah, bye," he says letting his hand go back to his side. 

You take off, and he watches you leave. Wait, was that too much to say? Hey, he started it anyway. You kinda liked gently teasing him, and the face he made was worth it. You haven't got time to overthink it right now anyway. Not only do you have to defend your title against three challengers today, you have four interviews with potential gym leaders. 

You sigh just thinking about it. None of this was what you wanted to be doing. You'd already had your fill of being champion once back in Kanto. You didn't enjoy the constant challengers then, and you don't enjoy it now. And the interviews? Interviewees are always so nervous, and that in turn makes you nervous. People view you as more than what you feel you are. All they know is that you are a champion two times over, and so are someone they want to impress. But none of this feels right to you. It doesn't feel like the path you're supposed to be on and you aren't passionate about it. You'd thought maybe helping to set up a league would be more enjoyable then being a part of it, but no, it wasn't. To boot, you wound up being a part of it anyway. 

Well, nothing to it but to get through it right? What were you gonna do, just quit? No, it'll get better eventually. You watch the scenery go by and your thoughts wander back to Guzma and how you hope his training with Hala will go alright. Maybe taking him in is slightly selfish in that you enjoy the shakeup to your routine. He does make for a good distraction. 

~~~

Is he really going to do this? Apparently he is, as his feet bring him closer and closer to Hala's. Unbelievable. Training with the kahuna of cheery lectures no one asked for. He walks a familiar road and approaches familiar sights and buildings. Iki Town sure hadn't changed much. Neither had Hala. He claps Guzma on the back when he reaches him. "Good to see you actually showed up!"

Guzma frowns. "Let's just get this over with old man. What do you want me to do?"

As Guzma predicted, it was all pointless. For the most part, he just followed Hala around, helped him with his daily tasks, and did his bidding. It was frustrating and Guzma felt too old and too experienced to be putting up with it. Would this be all his "training" was? His mood got more and more sour as the day went on. 

But as the day was winding down, Hala finally told Guzma to battle him. Yes. This was what he was hoping for. He would show this lazy old kahuna just how strong he'd gotten. He'd prove that he didn't need Hala or his training. When he won, this nonsense would stop and both her and Hala would see there was no point in him being here. But it was more than just the pointlessness. Guzma was dreading training with Hala because he did not need someone else to disappoint. You can't be a disappointment if you're not around. And after this? He wouldn't be hanging around here anymore. 

Or at least, that would have been the plan. If he had won the battle. Guzma was furious. How? After all this time, after all he'd done, after how much stronger he and his pokemon now were, how could he have lost? His entire chest felt like it was on fire. He was still not enough. He was still a disappointment. Fucking Hala. He pointed at the Kahuna. "This means nothing, old man!"

"My boy, I think this means you still have more to learn."

"What more could you possibly have to teach me?!"

"How about why you lost, and why you'll continue to lose?"

"So I just need to push myself harder. Whatever. No explanation required!"

"Do you really think that you can just barrel ahead in all you do? Force your way? Guzma! You need to let go of your anger!"

Guzma's scowl deepened. What did Hala know? There had been times where anger was all he had. "I'm too old for this shit. Listen, I don't need a replacement father!"

"No," Hala said, "and that is not what I'm trying to be." 

Hala approached him and Guzma crossed his arms. "What do you want from me, old man?"

"I want you to want to change. For yourself. Not to please me, not to please your father, not to please the champion; but because it's what you want. Because you believe you deserve that. Go rest now. Go think about this. You don't have to come back if you don't think you're ready." With that, Hala clapped him on the back again and left. 

Guzma huffed and started on his way back to the apartment. Fine. Good. At least he had an excuse to end this ridiculous "training." 

And she doesn't make him go back either. She's visibly disappointed, which sucks... really sucks, but what else is new? He's always disappointing someone. It was only a matter of time until it was her. 

He's relieved that she doesn't kick him out either. She leaves him to his own devices during the day, which, as time goes on, is growing more and more boring and intolerable. He looks forward to when she comes home. Not unlike a dog waiting for its owner he notes to himself, annoyed at his own uselessness. But he does enjoy when she returns. He likes the conversations and the time they spend together. And he especially likes the light, occasional flirting. 

He's already resolved that it'll go nowhere. Not while the whole city considers him a thug. He can't bring that gossip on her. True, some might already know that he's staying here, but at least he's hiding in the apartment and not gallivanting around with her like they're a couple. If he stays out of sight they might all just forget about him and leave her be. Which, he really should be figuring something out. How long could he stay here and be a problem for her? Well, until then, he'd stay put inside. 

But then she comes home one night and says, "Let's go get malasadas or something. You should get out of the apartment for a bit. Aren't you going a little stir crazy?"

He was. "No. No, I'm fine. I mean. I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not exactly popular around these parts."

She puts her hands on her hips. A sight that always makes something in his chest lighten. "You're saying you care what people think?" she says, an eyebrow going up. 

He most definitely did. Especially if it concerned her. "Me? No, I don't give a shit."

"Good, then let's go."

He's starting to panic a little, but he's not gonna let her see that. "Hell no."

"Aw, come on! Don't make me beg."

Now that he doesn't think he could handle. He scratches at his undercut. "Fine. Alright. But if anything happens, I warned ya."

She smiles at him, and his stupid, stupid mouth smiles back. She looks pleased. "It'll be fine. After all, you'll be with the champ, remember?"

He snorts. "Who's cocky now?"

"Guess I'm learning from you," she says giving him one of her playful shoves. 

For a moment, he imagines giving her a gentle shove back, and her retaliating, and this carrying on until they're in her bedroom and... Nope. Stop. For one, he needs to keep his distance. For two, these are entirely too mushy thoughts for big bad Guzma to be having. He needed to reel these thoughts in as they could only end badly if acted upon. 

~~~

It wasn't a date. You were just going to get malasadas. That's all, right? Yeah, that's all. Or at least that's what you tell yourself. Guzma's real nervous about leaving the apartment. He's rubbing at the back of his head so much that you're worried he'll rub a hole into his skull. Who would have thought Mr destruction in human form would have so much anxiety? Still, it couldn't possibly be good for him to stay in this room and let those worries fester. You were just going out for a little while, could anything really go that wrong? 

If people were gossiping about the two of you, they had, mercifully, mostly kept it to themselves. The Pokemon Center was still being repaired, and the nurse inside was the only one who had asked about Guzma. Surprisingly she seemed more curious than malicious about it, just wanting to know how he was doing, and she only asked once. Even if that wasn't the case, the more you got to know Guzma, and the more he slowly revealed a softer side, the more you were sure you didn't care what people thought regarding him. 

The two of you left, got your malasadas, and decided to eat them on the beach. It's getting dark, and the cool ocean air is refreshing. For as much as he was reluctant to leave, Guzma is clearly enjoying being outside the apartment. You watch him as he sits on the sand next to you. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. The wind gently tousles his hair and you study the features of his face. He really is rather good looking. He opens his eyes and looks over to find you staring. You quickly look away, cheeks heating up slightly. 

"So," he says unwrapping his malasada. "Anyone come close to taking your title today?" 

Your work has been a common subject in your conversations. He knows you're not exactly happy with everything. "Nope," you tell him. "Which I guess is good because I still have two gym leaders to pick. Kukui wants my defeat to coincide with the opening of the gyms. Don't wanna open the league two gyms short right?"

"Yeah, that really seems like poor planning on his part. Overenthusiastic ass." 

You laugh a little. Kukui really was a little much sometimes. 

He continues, chewing on his food. "So what's the plan? Find gym leaders and then throw a battle?"

"No!" you shout entirely too forcefully. You hadn't intended it to sound so angry. 

He stops chewing. "I didn't - I didn't mean anything by that."

"Sorry. I just. There's no way I can throw a battle." You feel a knot in your stomach at the unexpected turn this conversation has taken. You're remembering things; things you don't want to. The knot is turning into guilt. 

"Well, I just figured... I dunno, it seems like you don't even like being champion and battling to defend your title. So why not? It's probably what I would do."

Your eyebrows knit in worry. You set your malasada aside and draw your knees to your chest. "Can I tell you something?"

He seems taken aback. "Uh, yeah, sure." 

"I already threw a champion battle. Once." 

"What, in Kanto?"

You nod. "I just. I didn't want to do it anymore. It was even more intense there, with that league already having been established for so long. Multiple, hard, long battles everyday. I was tired. My pokemon were tired. I was stressed out of my mind. So one day, I just said fuck it, and lost on purpose."

He's finished his malasada now and is looking at you intently, like he's trying to figure out what best to say. "Well, that doesn't sound so bad."

"It was." You sigh, stretching your legs out in front of you and leaning back on your hands. "The kid I lost to- he knew. I could see it on his face. So he was left with a championship he didn't even feel like he deserved, and me? I come here and get crowned champion again, completely undeserved as well. The respect people have for me? I don't deserve that either. I haven't stopped feeling guilty about throwing that battle. I can't do it again."

He's quiet for a moment then he says, "So don't! Hey, Alola's full of good trainers, right? You'll get beat down eventually." 

You laugh. "I can't believe we're discussing that like it's a good thing."

"Hey it could be. So you get defeated, and guess what? You got more time to spend with ya boy. You know, unless I'm the one who takes your title," he says teasingly, grinning at you. 

"Yeah, right. You? Mr Bugs?" 

"You never know," he says, mirroring the way you're sitting, leaning back on his hands. "But you shouldn't beat yourself up about Kanto. We all regret some things, right? And you were just looking out for yourself and your pokemon. No shame in that. I think you're still plenty deserving of respect."

One of his hands is so close to yours that your skin tingles. You're desperate to close the gap. To just forget all the worry and take his hand in yours. You're about to do it when-

"How dare you show your face around here while the center you ruined hasn't even been rebuilt yet." 

You freeze. Both you and Guzma turn to find the man who had led the charge against him on the night the center was wrecked. He's standing there glaring that the both of you. 

Guzma gets to his feet. You do too. 

The man's voice grows louder. "How many times do you need to be told you're not welcome here?! Get out of this city! Go back to your little criminal organization. We don't need anything else demolished!"

"Do I look like I'm demolishing anything?" Guzma yells. "Was I bothering you?" he takes a step closer to the man. "Mind your own damn business." 

The man points at him. "This city is my business. I got a family here. There are many families here. They don't need to be put in danger by people like you."

"I'm not endangering anyone!"

You pull on Guzma's arm trying to get him to leave with you. But it's a repeat of the last time the two of them were screaming at each other. Guzma doesn't budge. 

"Your trail of destruction says otherwise! You think people don't know what Po Town looks like after you got your hands on it!"

"That is not how it is anymore." 

The man points to the Pokemon Center. "Really? There's not a single person in this city foolish enough to believe that," he fixes he gaze on you, "except maybe her."

Guzma steps in front of you. "Leave her out of this."

"Leave her out of this? You brought her into it! Don't you have a whole team of lives to ruin somewhere, you worthless piece of sh-"

You don't even remember moving. You remember feeling enraged that this man was making all of Guzma's fears of leaving the apartment come true. That he talked about you as if you weren't even there. As if the idea that you'd want to be around Guzma yourself wasn't even a possibility. You don't even remember punching him square in the jaw, but you must have because your knuckles sting, so you're shaking them out and the man is lying on the ground looking up at you, stunned. 

Then your feet leave the ground as Guzma gives a loud whoop, and picks you up, spinning you around in celebration. He's laughing, but stops when he realizes what he's done and gently sets you down. 

"We should go." You tell him as the man gets to his feet, rubbing his jaw. He says nothing else, but he glares after the both of you as you quickly walk away. 

You have never done something like that before. You feel a mix of fear and excitement because that... that felt kinda good. 

~~~

Guzma is beside himself. Now THAT was unexpected. She just socked that guy. For him! He spent the entire walk back to the apartment enthusiastically pantomiming the punch and singing her praises. As long as he lived, he would never forget watching this girl knock down that asshole. Had anyone ever stood up for him like that? 

She seemed to keep faltering between laughing and looking proud to looking guilty. 

He was still pumped up when they walked into the apartment. She laughed at him and he smiled at her. He calmed down a bit, and put a hand behind his head. "Hey, so, thanks for that."

"Yeah..." she says looking off at nothing for a moment. Then she smirks at him, "It was kinda badass, huh?"

"The most badass!"

She looks at her hand and the knuckles that are starting to bruise. "Definitely paying the price though."

Before he can stop himself, he takes her hand. 

She looks up at him, affectionately. He moves closer, excitement and happiness welling up in his chest. He puts a hand on her face, his thumb gently rubbing over her cheek. She puts a hand over his. He's just started leaning down when he stops. 

Tonight was his fault. It was entirely his fault. He was right in that his reputation would ruin hers. He feels like his stomach has dropped out of him. He steps away from her. "You should - you should get some sleep."

"I - um, ok." She looks hurt and confused, but she doesn't argue. She seems hasty to retreat now. "Goodnight."

"Night." 

When she's in her room, he slumps onto the couch. What was he going to do?


	5. Emergency Exit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Welcome back! Here's some Tapu Cocoa. You're gonna need it. Song I listened to while writing this? Everlong by Foo Fighters... hahaha ok if I'm honest, also Hallelujah. Specifically the Rufus Wainwright version, which lmao, was in Shrek. I'm sorry. 
> 
> Anyway, I spent literally all day debating on having Guzma do one of two things in this chapter. In the end, I decided, why not both? Both is good and feelsy. I also felt like both fit his character. One of the things that happens in this chapter is something Guzma does in a lot of fics, but I think that's because, well, it's just what he'd do.
> 
> And thanks again for the comments! I can't tell you how much they keep my fire going. To be frank? Best way to encourage me to keep doing this is with comments saying you'd like to see more. It's good to know. So thank you!
> 
> Ok, let's go.

He feels like a swirling storm that's taken up residence on the couch. He sits, elbows on his knees, resting his chin on his steepled fingers. There would be no sleep tonight. Not while he had a decision to make. So... she does seem into him. He never thought there'd be any chance of that. She doesn't seem like she's ever strayed off that straight and narrow goody two-shoes path, while he isn't sure that was a path he was ever on. They're so different. Too different. He's done too much and he's got far too many blemishes in his past to ever be good for her. He knows that. 

But some selfish part of him wants to stay anyway. To go and knock on her door and sweep her up when she opens it. To follow through with what almost just happened. To not just imagine what it would be like to kiss her - and more - several times throughout the day. But he's not really that kind of person, is he? This isn't how he'd normally go after someone. This is all entirely too sentimental. He's used to being far more bold, but, well, she's not the type of person he usually goes for either. And maybe there's a reason for that. 

He's got too mach baggage. She's accomplished, and he - he just wrecks things. He didn't need to add wrecking her life to the list. How would this all work out anyway? What did he think would happen? They'd get together? She'd bring him home to meet her parents? Hi mom and dad, this is my boyfriend, the gang leader that destroyed an entire town. Aren't you proud? It sounds ridiculous, even hypothetically. 

No, he needed to move on, and let her move on too. What was he doing here anyway? He's a grown ass adult and here he is bumming off her. No more. No more sitting here and secretly hoping this is gonna go somewhere. No more selfishly taking up her time when she should be focusing on bigger and better things - someone bigger and better. Because if she's focusing on him, there's not gonna be peace for her. Tonight was proof enough of that. He sighs and starts to quietly gather his things. 

He feels so heavy as he slings his bag over his shoulder. His decision to leave has added such a weight to his chest. He thinks, that it feels like heartbreak, and he mentally kicks himself for thinking something so pathetic. "Come on," he whispers to himself. "Big bad Guzma, right?" He half smiles, thinking about all the times she'd called him that during his stay here. The thought only adds to the weight in his chest. 

He has his hand on the doorknob now. Turning it feels like the most difficult thing he's ever done. 

"Wait!" 

He jumps and turns to see her standing there. She must have been up thinking about things too, as she hasn't even changed out of the clothes she was wearing earlier. Her face is full of concern and hurt. He immediately scratches at his undercut. 

"Where are you going?" 

He swallows, mortified that he can feel the pinprick of tears just starting in his eyes. "I-"

"Please don't leave." 

He sighs, and starts wracking his brain for the best words to use, but he's coming up empty. "I can't - I can't stay here."

"Why?" she asks moving towards him. 

"Why?! You were there tonight. You think that's gonna stop? I can't just hang around here causing trouble for you."

"So this is about that guy?"

"Yeah, and everybody that comes after. What, are you gonna punch everyone in this city?"

"Maybe," she says giving him a small smile. 

He gives a short laugh, unable to keep the corners of his mouth down. 

"Look, I don't give a damn what anyone in this city thinks. I want you to stay here." She takes his hand. "Please stay here." 

He gives her a sad, but sincere smile. That someone like her could grow to care for someone like him feels like some kind of small miracle. He runs a thumb over her hand and she winces. It's the hand she'd punched that guy with earlier. "Sorry," he says, looking down at it. The skin on her knuckles has turned a dark purple. See? How many other ways could she get hurt if he stays? He brings her hand to his mouth and gently kisses it. He lowers it, and releases. "I'm sorry for a lot of things." 

He's about to make for the door again, but she moves forward, standing on her tip toes, and places his face between her hands, making him look her in the eye. "Guzma, stay." 

He brings a hand over one of hers, careful to make sure it's the one that's not injured. The close contact between them has him on pins and needles. He says her name slowly. 

She moves even closer so that when she says, "please," he can feel her breath on him. It's making him lose his resolve. His bag begins sliding down his shoulder. 

He searches her face, wanting absolute confirmation. "You want this?"

"Yes, dammit." 

He lets the bag slide down and fall to the ground. His hands move to her back while hers move to his shoulders. It feels as if time itself has slowed and the rest of the room has melted away. How often did he think about this? He leans down, and finally, finally closes the gap between them, gently kissing her. 

And all the weight that had been building up in his chest is gone. 

It's slow and chaste at first. Then her hands are in his hair, and she drags him down closer to her, kissing him harder. He smiles against her mouth, and then returns the favor. They stand there for a while, pressed against each other, hands roaming, roughly and feverishly bringing their lips together. Every bit of frustration from wanting to do this very thing but unable to for so long bubbling up and over. For how long? As long as he'd been staying here? No, if he's honest with himself, ever since he first saw her in Malie Garden.

He starts guiding her back towards the couch that he's called home this whole time. There they carry on for a while, and then she pauses, looking at him and running her fingers through his hair. The sensation of this makes the back of his skull tingle. He sighs, closing his eyes and leaning towards her. He internally chastises himself for being so into it. Was he really this starved for affection? He must be. Truthfully, he was already hard. 

"Guzma," she says and he opens his eyes. "So the couch is kinda small, isn't it? Do you want to-"

He grins at her and quickly scoops her up. She yells in surprise, throwing her arms around his neck and wrapping her legs around him. He kisses her and carries her down the hallway, and into her bedroom. Into her bedroom! He can barely believe his luck. He's yet to be in this room the whole time he's been there. He sets her on the bed, and leans over her, kissing her roughly. His tongue presses into her mouth, and hers meets his. 

She pulls him closer, and he grinds his hips into hers making her let out a small gasp. Now that, he likes. She scoots back and pulls at him more, getting him to climb up on the bed with her. He kisses his way down her neck to her collarbone and her breath hitches. He gathers the bottom of her shirt in one of his hands and starts to tug upwards. He stops, and pulls his face away from her neck, looking her in the eye. A question. Is this ok? 

She bites her lip and nods, and he can't help grinning wickedly at her as he moves the shirt up over her head and tosses it away. She does the same to his and then he resumes kissing past her collarbone, coming to her breasts, loving the sound of her heavy breathing and hands clutching at his back. He puts one finger under the cup of her bra, and runs it along the shape, grazing her nipple. She shudders and then is hastily removing the garment. 

When it's gone, he goes back to kissing at her chest, one handing cupping her breast and his thumb rubbing over her nipple. He cautiously runs his tongue over it, and her hands shoot up into his hair. When he takes it into his mouth, she moans. He sucks and licks at it for a while, his hand rubbing her other nipple between his fingers. She whimpers and he thinks it's the best thing he's ever heard. 

He moves a hand down her stomach and rests it on her thigh. He looks at her. "This isn't too much, too soon, is it?"

She shakes her head. "Oh please, if anything, this didn't happen soon enough," she says, moving to unbutton her pants. 

He smiles and kisses her. "Hey, you'll get no argument here." He enthusiastically removes his own pants. 

He runs a hand up her bare thigh, feeling electrified at touching skin he never thought he'd get the chance to. "You know, I've always had a thing for you. Ever since that first battle in Malie Garden." 

She laughs, "Well, I can't say I felt the same at that first meeting. But the more I saw of you, the more I thought your whole 'big bad Guzma' shtick was kinda cute."

"Cute?!" he says. "Damn, not even sexy? Intimidating? No, just cute? Ouch." 

She sits up and kisses him. "Very cute." He groans and she pulls him back down over her. 

His hand pulls at the side of her panties between her legs. He moves a finger under, feeling the wetness. "I'll show you cute." He has a desperate need to make her say his name. His finger roves, finding her clit and rubbing. He kisses her as he continues, letting her moan into his mouth. It's difficult with the panties in the way. He stops to remove them, then with his thumb over her clit, he puts in one finger then two. Her hips buck up against his hand as he pushes them in and out. She holds onto him, nails digging in, letting out noises that make him dizzy. He can feel her begin to clench around his fingers when she stops him. He looks at her questioningly. She pulls at his underwear. 

He gets the hint and whips them off, absolutely ready to progress if she is. She pulls him towards her, and he settles between her legs. He still can't believe his luck. This was all really happening. He looks into her eyes, and kisses her as he gently starts to push in. Her hands go up around his shoulders and her hips rut into his. He wonders if she's been wanting this as badly as he has. 

He starts off slow, and picks up the pace based on her reactions. When her hands reach up to his hair and start pulling, he thrusts rougher and faster. Nothing has felt this amazing in a long time. Her back arches and she moans. Guzma is a hundred percent over the moon and feeling cocky. "You like that, huh? Let me hear it," he tells her. 

Her breath is ragged and she just continues to moan back in response. He moves a hand down to her clit and rubs, making her throw her head back. He brings her toward him and whispers in her ear, "Say my name." She bites her lip. It's a challenge. Oh, he'd get her to say it. 

He moves harder, bottoming out in her. He feels her starting to clench around him. She grabs at him, nails digging into his back, her legs wrapped around his waist. She gasps and yells his name as she comes. He laughs a bit at the sound of it. That was a noise he'd never tire of. His name had never sounded better. His own breath hitches as he moans and comes soon after. 

 

He lies next to her now, exhausted. She rests her head on his chest and he puts an arm around her. They lay there a while, and then she says, "I meant it when I said I wanted you to stay." 

"I want to stay," he says, but that doesn't mean that he can. Now that the excitement was over, doubts are starting to creep back in. 

They fall asleep tangled up. Or, at least she does. Guzma is tired, but still too distracted to sleep. Should he have done that? Did this complicate things? She does indeed want him to stay, but does that mean that he should. He glances over and his eyes rest on her purple knuckles. 

He should go before this progresses any further. Before either of them get too attached. The sex was great, but it still didn't change all the ways in which he wasn't good for her. In fact, if anything, now he's made it worse. He's going to look like an ass leaving after this. He mentally kicks himself for thinking with his dick. He sits up, carefully untangling from her, and watches her sleep for a bit. The heaviness was coming back to his chest. 

He thinks about what could be. Staying here with her, a relationship forming. Sex, and laughter, and happiness. Then he thinks about the guy she punched. He thinks of the things he said. He remembers how it felt to have an entire crowd of people angry at him outside the ruined Pokemon Center. He doesn't want that for her. Especially not because of him. She can say she doesn't care. But he does. And if he cared about her, leaving was clearly the right thing to do. 

Where could this go anyway? Love? He didn't know much about that, and there's no way he'd be good at it. He gets up and starts to get dressed. She's got a better chance at that with someone else. 

He wished he were someone else. As he picked up his bag and turned the doorknob, he wished so badly that he could change the past. That he could change the things he'd done that forever marked him as unworthy. He was encompassed by his regrets. 

He'd always be grateful that she was kind and affectionate to him. But the best he could do for her, would be to make his exit.


	6. Signal Beam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, he left. I debated a lot on if that should happen, because it happens with Guzma in a lot in fics, but I think that's because, well, it's what he'd do. But hey, at least there was smut before leaving haha. Wrote this chapter listening to She Lit a Fire by Lord Huron. You should check it out for sure! It's my fav song by them. And like THE MOOD for this whole chapter. 
> 
> As always, thank you for your wonderful comments and kudos! They make my day like no other. 
> 
> Now time to deal with the fallout.

He's gone. He's not in bed with you, he's not in the bathroom, or the kitchen, or the living room. All of his things have gone with him. The apartment is quiet, dark, and now inescapably lonely. You sit down on the couch that he's been sleeping on during his whole extended stay. He's spent so much time on the couch that you can just barely make out his scent on it. 

You're trying to process this, to put the pieces together, but you just feel so confused and wounded. You play back everything that happened the night before in your mind, trying to pinpoint when he decided to leave and why you hadn't managed to convince him to stay. You're wishing you had talked more. That you had said whatever it was that needed to be said to truly show him that you wanted him here, no matter how many others didn't. And you're wishing that these conversations had taken place sometime earlier. That one of you would have made a move sooner. How many weeks had he been here? You'd lost count. Why couldn't you have been braver before? If the catalyst for this had been anything other than you punching a guy for harassing him, then maybe it wouldn't have ended this way. 

And you regret convincing him to leave the apartment for malasadas last night. You really didn't think anything would happen. You thought it had all blown over. Did everyone else really view everything Guzma's done as unforgivable? Yes, the damage to Po Town, the thievery, and the gang involvement were bad, and you're not excusing that. But was there really no moving on from that? Was there more you didn't know? 

It strikes you now how often your conversations were focused on you. Guzma didn't seem intent on talking about his past, and you didn't want to push him too hard. But maybe you should have tried harder and been more insistent on knowing him, so that he knew how important he was to you. Instead, you'd just prattled on about your boring life, where the only stepping out of line you'd done was throwing that battle in Kanto... and taking him in... and punching that guy. Things were different with Guzma around. You'd always done what you were supposed to. Whatever it was that people expected of you - whatever made them happy - you did, even if it meant you were unhappy. That's how you wound up doing two jobs for Kukui, neither of which you liked. 

And now? Now you've got a choice. Let Guzma go and let everything go back to normal - No more yelling men to punch, no more secretly-a-softie former gangster to come home to, no more questions of what taking it further with him would mean for your reputation - or go after him. Go after him and take a firm step out of line. Bring him back and reputation be damned. Convince him to stay and show him that you want more than anything to get to know him. All of him; the good and bad. 

You think back to last night, remembering him picking you up and spinning you around after the punch. Remembering the gentle way he kissed you for the first time, smiling when you were the one to deepen the kiss first. You remember the smell of his skin, and the feel of his body on yours. You think of his nervous habit of scratching his undercut and how he can't seem to hold back smiling at you when you smile at him. 

There's no choice here. There's no question of what to do and there's no time to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. You get up to get dressed. You're not taking any challengers today and you're cancelling your interviews. You're stepping out of line and you're tossing the script. You're going after Guzma. 

 

You're not sure where to start. It's not as simple as looking up a pokemon's habitat in your pokedex. Guzma feels so unpredictable. You don't think he went home to his parents; you hope not anyway. And as far as you know, he doesn't have a ride pager and he's broke, so he should still be on the island. Would he go to Hala's? He's the only other person you can think of that is even on somewhat friendly terms with Guzma. It's as good a place to start as any. 

But he's not there. And Hala hasn't seen him. The kahuna looks at you a little quizzically now. "Is there something more going on than you just housing him?" he asks. 

Your cheeks burn. "Um, maybe. I guess that's what I need to find out." 

Hala smiles. "You haven't exactly chosen any easy path here. And it's quite unexpected." 

"I know." You shuffle uncomfortably. "Guzma is - he's more than what he seems." 

"And that I know. Which is why, if you do find him, my offer for training is still open." 

 

Next you check with Kukui, who seems a bit cross with you for basically calling out of work, and now that he's finding out the reason why, he doesn't seem any happier. But Kukui is also irrepressible, so when he's upset it's hard to tell and it doesn't last long. "I'd heard he was staying with you," he says. "Was wondering why you were so quiet about it."

"Well, you know, people talk. You heard about the Pokemon Center?"

"Ha, yeah, everyone heard about the Pokemon Center. That Golisopod of his is nothing to mess with."

"So you don't blame him."

Kukui looks at you. "You know, we were friends when we were younger. I know some things, you know?"

You nod. 

"There's a reason his pokemon are so fiercely protective of him, and it's not just because of his past. Pokemon can sense things! They know he's someone worth protecting." 

"I think Guzma's more worried about the rest of the city not being able to see that."

"Yeah, well, sometimes forgiveness takes time. Running away certainly won't solve it."

When you leave, he wishes you luck, assuring you he wants nothing but the best for his childhood friend, despite the trouble he's caused. 

 

So the search continues. You check as much of the island as you can that day; the meadow, the trails, the berry field... you even cautiously wait near his parents house on Route 2 for a while, but nothing. And there's nothing the next day, or the next. Or that week. Kukui is growing frustrated in his Kukui way with your absence and the list of challengers you'll one day have to face grows. Your interviewees wonder if they'll ever get their interviews. Nights are terrible, with you wondering what Guzma's doing and if he even has a place to stay. If he's ok. 

How could there be no mention of him on this entire island? Had he somehow gone to another?

Eventually, you have to return to work. Your search would have to be in your free time. You don't want to, but you can feel yourself starting to give up. You figure that if he's this intent on not being found, maybe you should let him go. The thought hurts, but how can you find one person between four islands? You feel as if you're grasping at the ghost of him and your hands are just passing through him. 

Your first challenger when you return is Plumeria. You didn't think to ask her about Guzma because you thought they weren't on good terms. After you defeat her and bring him up, to your dismay, you find that your instinct was right. She seems very bitter at him for disbanding Team Skull. 

"He just fucking left. Said it was all over, that there was no more team, and just... left." Her voice is full of poison, both from her frustration at Guzma, and her disappointment in being defeated. The battle was tough, and it was clear she had been training hard, but she hadn't managed to take you down. 

"Is it so bad that he disbanded Team Skull?" 

She glares at you. "Look, we may not have done a lot of good, but you do what you gotta to get by. We were a family. And for many of us? That was the only family we had."

This you sort of knew. Team Skull was pretty obviously a band of teenagers and young adults who had either fallen by the wayside or had no other prospects. You'd heard that some were those that had failed the island challenge, you'd heard others were delinquents whose parents had kicked them out. And Guzma had been king delinquent. "But there had to have been... other ways of doing things?"

"You don't really get it, do you? How could you? Kanto champ right? Now Alola champ? You ever really screwed up in your life? How are things with your parents, huh? You seem the type to have it all just go perfect. You go to trainer school? Could your parents afford that?"

You did, because your parents could afford it, and things with them were fine. For the most part. And no, you hadn't ever really, REALLY screwed up. Never committed a crime or anything. You admit these things to her, sheepishly. 

"So you already started out ahead of the game. For a lot of us, it's not that simple. Not that you have to think about the rest of us."

And you're a little ashamed to admit that you hadn't quite considered that being able to go to a great trainer school might have put you ahead of others who hadn't. That perhaps your parents acceptance, support, and encouragement might have given you an advantage. "What are you getting at?" you ask her. 

She crosses her arms. "My parents kicked me out. I liked girls, and they didn't like that. And I'm not the only member of Team Skull with that kinda story. And when Guzma took over the team, he took in everyone. Suddenly kids like me had a place to go when no one else wanted to deal with us. When you have nothing else - when the world will give you nothing else - you have to take what you can get. And in a lot of ways, we had a good thing with Team Skull. For so many of my little brothers and sisters, this was acceptance for the first time. But we also had mouths to feed, and if causing trouble kept them fed, then so be it. If it meant working with the Aether Foundation, then so be it. You think there were other options? Try playing with the hand we were dealt." 

You swallow, not saying anything. You don't know anything about what it's like to live like that. 

"The point is, maybe Team Skull wasn't just a gang like everyone thinks it is. I'm not trying to say we didn't do things that weren't right, but it's real convenient for Alola that they can just reject so many of their own, then hate us for what we inevitably become. As if we were all supposed to just disappear. Well, we didn't."

"I'm sorry," is all you can offer. 

Her face lightens a bit. "Yeah, well, just don't - don't hold Team Skull against the boss, alright? He was doing the best he could with what he had... even if he did just skip out on everyone." 

"What are the members doing now?" 

"We're all just hanging out in trailers by Tapu Village. Some are still in Po Town I think. I don't know. Things have fallen apart since Guzma left. That," she says pointedly, "is why I'm pissed." 

"Maybe there's a way to fix it." And you wish you could offer up solutions, or be more helpful, but you're clueless to what you could do.

Plumeria sighs. "Well, that's what I'm trying to work on, girlie. Thought maybe being champion would have been a good place to start."

You reach a hand behind your head and rub the back of your neck, suddenly feeling guilty. 

She laughs. "Hey, I know that move. You really have been spending a lot of time around him."

"I was," you say and you explain to her that Guzma has vanished. You ask her if she has any suggestions on where to look. 

"Go try Heahea City," she tells you. 

"But that's not on Melemele island," you say, confused. "He has no ride pager, or money. How would be get there?"

"If you don't think ya boy is willing to be a stowaway, then you don't know him well enough." 

 

Much to Kukui's disappointment, and the disappointment of every other challenger you had that day, you're off to Heahea City. Plumeria had explained that Guzma may have some connections there - seedy connections. And because the city was more touristy in nature, with the Hano Grand Resort nearby, it was easier to do things like pickpocket or take advantage of tourists. When he had left home the first time, this was where Guzma had been before Team Skull. Now that he was essentially back to square one again, there was a good chance he was there now. 

It's raining when the ride Charizard lands in the city. You dismount and begin your search, ducking in buildings, checking down alleyways, and asking passerby if they've seen him. Most just shrug and carry on, wanting to get out of the rain. Some recognize his name when you ask and make faces. But no one has seen him. 

It's twilight now, and the rain hasn't let up. You're soaked and miserable, but still searching. Then it happens. 

You see him down the sidewalk from you. The hood of his black jacket is up over his head against the rain, and his hands are shoved in his pockets. He's walking, looking at the ground and looking the very picture of dejected. Then he looks up slightly, sees you, and freezes. 

~~~

She's coming toward him now and he feels several things. 

God is it good to see her again. She looks an absolute mess as she's soaked to the bone and her face is frantic. Was she looking for him? 

But he's also panicking. This was not supposed to happen. She was not supposed to catch him here and see him like this. He feels ashamed and considers bolting. Was she mad? Of course she probably was, right? Was she just here to yell at him? Tell him what an asshole he was for sneaking out right after having sex with her? Well, no need. He already feels shitty about that one. 

Was she here to convince him to come back? No, surely not right? Maybe? 

He had hoped she would just move on. Realize this was for the best. But damn, was she stubborn. And now her stubborn ass is standing in front of him, wide eyed and breathing heavy, rain running down her face. 

He puts a hand into the hood that's covering his head and rubs at the back of his neck. "Um, hi," he says dumbly. 

She inhales, then looks down and doesn't say anything. Her brows furrow, and she looks back up. He can't quite tell if the expression is worry or anger; maybe both. She moves toward him. Was she going to slap him? He shuts his eyes and winces. 

But then there's arms wrapping around him, and a head pressed into his chest. He stands there a moment, surprised, then gives into the instinct to hold her too, placing his chin on her head. They stand there in the rain, hugging, as the sky darkens. It feels good to be held, and he can feel a familiar excitement rising in his chest that he tries to beat down with reminders that this isn't going to last. 

"I found you," she says, her voice cracking and he notices she's crying. 

He pulls her away from him to look her in the eye. There's wet hair clinging to her face, and he can't resist gently moving it behind her ear. "You weren't supposed to."

"No, you weren't supposed to leave." 

"This isn't," he starts, "I can't - we can't," why is he so bad with words? 

"We can't what?" 

"You know what."

"I don't get a say?" she says, her voice rising. 

"You don't get it," he says, growing frustrated. "You don't have a clue what you're getting into. Punching that guy? That's just the start."

"I told you before, I don't care what people think of you. What they think of us!" 

"Then you're being stupid!" he says and she looks taken aback. It was well known Guzma could have a temper, but this is the first time he's directed it her way. But maybe this is what needed to happen. Maybe he needs to be harsh to end this, even if the words are hard to say and they feel thick and heavy in his mouth. "I am not your charity case, ok? You don't need to fix me or take care of me. You need to move on! Find someone else."

He thought she would back down, but she doesn't. She fixes him with a stern gaze. "Guzma, I don't want someone else."

He's back to rubbing at his undercut. Words are failing him. 

"And I'm not - I'm not trying to fix you. I just want to know you. The good and the bad." 

He wants so badly to give in. Living on the street has been so rough. He'd hardly slept, and when he did find places to sleep, he had nightmares. It had been such an incredible strain on him to scrape up enough food for him and his pokemon each day. It's not as if he hasn't lived this way before, but being older made it harder; more shameful. He thinks about her warm and dry apartment. He thinks about her bed. He thinks about the two of them in the bed, just sleeping. It feels like a faraway dream that he doesn't deserve. He says her name. 

"Come back with me." She touches his face, and it sends a tingle down his spine. "You can't stay out here. I want you to stay with me. None of the bullshit reasons you're making up in your head matter. Just come with me and we can figure everything out." 

He sighs, bringing his own hand to hers, and turning his face into it. He can't fight this anymore. He's just too tired and weak. He gives in, and he curses the happiness spreading into his chest at his decision. He smirks at her. "You're not gonna give up on this, are you?"

She shakes her head. "I'll follow you around this whole damn city if I have to." 

He laughs. "No need. Let's go."

She smiles, and sighs in obvious relief, getting out her ride pager. 

As the Charizard flies them back to her apartment, he sits behind her and hugs her close to him. God he missed her. If he was really going to do this, if he was really going to stay with her, then he needed to do something. He needed to try harder. He needed to try to find a way to set some things right. He wanted to finally stop feeling like he had to run from everything. He wanted to confront stuff, settle things. He wanted to quiet that voice he was constantly battling in his head that was too quick to remind him of all his fuck ups. And it wasn't just for her sake; he was finally wanting it for himself. He just hoped that this feeling of resolve would last.


	7. Sticky Web

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so. If I'm honest with you guys, this is the point that I had planned out to in my head, so from here on out it might take me a little more time to figure out where I want to go with this. A lot of it now is going to be character progression for Guzma, and relationship progression for the progtag and Guzma. Which means going into his past more. 
> 
> And I think that includes going into what Team Skull had to do with the Aether Foundation and what Guzma had to do with Lusamine. There's not a ton to go off of in the game, but I imagine they had a kinda one-sided, abusive, pseudo-relationship. And that whole thing is part of the reason he's lost some of his cockiness. And I know a lot of people don't like Guzma/Lusamine, so this is sorta serving as the warning that this chapter will have some of that. Shown in a bad light. 
> 
> Anyway, writing this listening to Undisclosed Desires by Muse. Ready to get started?

He's really wishing he hadn't left now. He knows that nothing in the world would have convinced him that leaving wasn't right before, but now that he's back? Well, his leaving left a certain amount of damage done. There's trust be be regained. She was clearly hurt by him ducking out, and if he wants to stick around, he'll have to make up for it. He's got to decide: fully commit to this, stay, and rebuild, or bolt again and have that be the end. Because the silent walk from the rooftop to the apartment made it clear that this couldn't withstand another walking out. 

They enter the apartment, and it's warm and familiar, but also awkward. He'd been gone over a week, and his absence is the elephant in the room. They're both quiet as they stand in the entrance way, still in their clothes that are soaked through. She clears her throat and says, "You should go shower and get warm." He offers to let her go first, but she insists. He passes by the open doorway of her bedroom and glances in, hoping sleeping in that bed isn't off the table tonight. 

Later they're both cleaned up and in dry clothes, and she's in the kitchen while he sinks into the couch. He closes his eyes and sighs, leaning his head against the back of it. He had even missed the dumb couch.

She comes back with two cups of Tapu Cocoa. "Up for talking?" she asks, giving him a small smile. 

"Yeah!" He nervously scratches at his undercut as he takes a mug from her. She settles down on the couch next to him, and their legs momentarily touch. The contact makes him long for more. He's actually very tired from his whole ordeal, but if this talking will help her, then he's up for it. He expects her to start the conversation, but she doesn't seem to know how. He swallows and says, "Are you... angry?"

"I mean, a little, yeah. I'm hurt more than anything. It hurt to wake up and find you gone. That night I - I thought I had convinced you to stay. I just need to understand more why you left. I need to figure out what I can say to make sure it doesn't happen again." 

"I just didn't want to cause trouble for you. That night? Getting malasadas? That was trouble. You and I? We don't come from the same kinda place. We took very different paths, and everyone can see that. Everyone knows it."

"Yeah," she says looking a little impatient. "Yeah, you've mentioned that before. But I can't help feeling that there's something else. That it's more than just what everyone else thinks." 

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think, Guzma?"

He looks down at his mug. "I think - I think that you could do better."

"Guzma," she starts, but he interrupts her.

"You could. You've been a champion twice now. I haven't done anything close to that. I couldn't even make it as a trial captain. I have no prospects, no idea what I'm going to do, and there's nobody in this city who will give me a chance. And after everything, maybe I don't deserve another chance. Maybe I don't deserve someone like you." He sighs, "I've gone for someone I shouldn't have before, and it didn't end well."

She's looking at him quizzically now, and he wonders if that last sentence was a step too far. He's not sure he feels like talking about... In his mind he sees a flash of blonde hair and a wicked grin. Of course Guzma would have more than one villain in his past. 

"And this - what happened with this other person - is this what makes you feel so unworthy?"

He's feeling so on edge, and he doesn't know if these are things that should be said aloud to her. "I mean, yeah, I guess. I knew it was a long shot and she was so far outta my league, but, I dunno it seemed like it was going somewhere... and I was really wrong. I was sort of just a tool for her."

Her face suddenly lights up with understanding. "Lusamine?"

"Yeah," he admits, once again his hand is at his undercut. He can't bring his eyes up from the contents of his mug. Not while talking about this. "Madame Prez herself."

 

It hadn't started off as anything. In fact, he was pretty dismissive of her. When she approached him and Team Skull, he was heavily into making sure that he was giving off a certain appearance. He wanted everyone to see him as the tough and dirty gang leader he was trying to be. But she wasn't intimidated. And she was offering money. Guzma had a whole band of misfits to take care of, so they had a deal. 

She was obsessed, absolutely undeniably and dangerously obsessed with what she called "ultra beasts." She used him and Team Skull to do things like steal materials for her research, or cause necessary distractions. It was a good arrangement. They did her bidding, and she paid them off in money, food, and anything else they might need. She was the reason they had the means to take over Po Town and have roofs over their heads. She was why they were able to have uniforms and food. 

She took an interest in Guzma, and unfortunately for him, she seemed to innately know what to say and do to manipulate him. And he was so desperate for any kind of recognition that he was in prime position to be taken advantage of. Big bad Guzma was Lusamine's lapdog. And he had been foolish and hopeful enough to think that it could be more. 

It started with private meetings and calls to Aether Paradise. She was so sweet and complementary to him at first. She built him up, making him believe that maybe he was more than what he thought of himself. She told him that she could see what a strong trainer he was and that he deserved more than what he had been dealt in the island challenge. She told him how intelligent he was, and how much she respected him. In fact, she had told him, she could think of no one better to help create a device to capture the ultra beasts. She wouldn't just entrust that to anyone of course, but she was turning to him because of how much she believed in him. 

For Guzma and all his insecurities, this was a siren song. And when this older, beautiful woman would occasionally become too touchy or flirty, that only drew him further in. He would have done anything for her. 

Even when she wasn't so kind. Eventually, she became prone to outbursts. When something in her research would go awry or when he'd say something in a way she didn't like, suddenly she'd be screaming at him, telling him how stupid he was, how useless. He'd feel so confused, and hurt. He'd try to correct his behavior and monitor himself; fix whatever it was that would make her angry at him, but it never seemed good enough. 

Sometimes he'd get fed up, and she seemed to be able to pick up on that too. That's when she'd get real sweet again. When she'd do things like run her fingers through his hair or caress his cheek. Small touches that were too intimate and simultaneously set a fire in his chest and left a heavy, frozen feeling in his stomach. 

They never did anything. Not really. The farthest that it had ever been taken was the handful of times she'd kissed him on the cheek. He was so addicted to her affections and approval that he always forgave her beratings and hoped their arrangement would turn into something more. He fantasized that it would turn into something more. He questioned himself so often when it came to her. She opened up a new hole in him and it was filled with uncertainty, and a reliance on her to feel worthy. 

When she was kind and happy with him, he was happy. When she wasn't, he wasn't; he crushingly wasn't. He'd often be in a sour mood back at Po Town. He'd snap at Plumeria and the grunts. But he wouldn't allow anyone to say a bad word about Lusamine. Not even Plumes when she asked him on the nature of their relationship. He hid things from her and the rest of the team. He wanted no one to question him or Lusamine or what they were doing. 

Despite her hot-and-cold attitude toward him, he would have followed her anywhere, and he did.

"Guzma," she said, slow and alluring, fixing him with her alarmingly green eyes. "You're coming with me when we open the wormhole, right?"

He said nothing, just blinked. With Lusamine, it was always better to wait a while before speaking so you can try and gauge exactly how it was that she wanted you to respond. 

"We'll go and be with the ultra beasts. Just you and me. You want that, right?" She put a hand on his cheek.

To open a wormhole, they still needed to get that Cosmog back. He wasn't sure when or if this would happen, so if figured there was no harm in agreeing. "Yes," he told her. 

"Good," she said, kissing him on the cheek. 

And when the wormhole was finally opened, he did follow her. And chaos ensued. 

The ultra beasts were beyond anything his was capable of dealing with and they were everywhere. Wherever they were, it was dark, and terrifying, and they had to leave. He tried to tell Lusamine this, but she was too enraptured with the creatures. She wouldn't even acknowledge him. She started approaching one of them and he grabbed her arm, trying to pull her back. 

She wrenched out of his grip and turned to him, a snarl on her face. "You. Can't you see you're useless now."

"Lusamine, we have to go. We have to figure out how to get back. This was a mistake."

"Then go!"

"I can't go without you."

"What, because of your little crush on me? Ridiculous. What makes you think I would ever even consider being with someone like you?"

He can't bring himself to say anything, just stand there and look embarrassed. It's the first time she's ever openly acknowledged that she knows of his feelings for her. And she was rejecting him.

The look on her face grows even more disgusted at his silence. "You're beyond worthless to me now."

He's a whirlwind of hurt and fury. "Then why did you even bring me here?"

"Thought it'd be fun to have a toy, and you made for a good one, but," she turns back toward the beast and raised a hand toward it, "this is all I need now." 

He leaves her there. Leaves her with her precious fucking ultra beasts. He nursed his wounded ego for a while, then, getting angry at the entire situation, he decides to try to catch one of them.

Instead, the thing nearly possess him, and the experience of this causes him fear like he's never felt before. Everything was out of his control, even his thoughts. All he had were feelings and impressions. Terror, just terror. Then, the beast rejected him, spitting him back out. He scrambled away from it, and found a secluded area to hide. 

He was hiding out, dimly thinking about how even the ultra beast had no use for him, when she showed up. Her and that kid, Lillie. 

"Y'all are stupid!" he had told them, and the smile she gave him when he said that was the first comfort he'd had through this whole ordeal. He wished he hadn't gotten tangled up in all this. Wished he hadn't been so fully in Lusamine's grip. He wished there had been someway he would have gotten to know this smiling trainer he kept running into instead somehow. 

Then they asked about Lusamine and he told them, "She lost her mind over these Ultra Beasts. There's no talking to her, no reasoning with her... She's just gone..."

 

And all the emotions he had built up over Lusamine were gone too, all replaced by self doubt. So when little miss champion came back into his life, he couldn't imagine how she would ever go for him.


	8. Heal Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want everyone to know that the entire time I was writing that last chapter, all I could see in my head was Lusamine saying, "Oh Guzma, if only there were someone out there who loved you." 
> 
> But anyway! Haha this fic feels like it's slowly becoming a bit of a Guzma character study. Which, I'll tell ya something just between you and me; sometimes I worry that I didn't make Guzma enough of an asshole in this. But fan fic is wish fulfillment in some ways, right? I think I'm just weak for tough guys who act real bad but secretly are just sensitive and wouldn't hurt a fly. And I hope I've adequately explained, I guess, why he's not as much of a boisterous ass in this. What do you think? 
> 
> With that said, it's time to continue. Wrote this listening to Cecilia and the Satellite by Andrew McMahon. So I recommend a listen if you want to get the full overall "feel" for this chapter.

He finally looks up at little miss champion now, and once again, she's looking at him with a face full of concern and sympathy. Her eyes are glistening. He groans, wiping a hand down his face and laying back against the couch. "This feels like deja vu." 

"I'm just, you know, angry on your behalf. I guess she was abusive to everyone." 

"Yeah, well, I guess so." He's so tired and now he's even emotionally tired from reliving the Lusamine ordeal. Her rejection may have hurt and further added to his lack of self-worth, but it was also such a relief to be done with her. He looks over at the girl next to him on the couch. He worries that he may have said too much and that maybe he's putting too much on her. She's the first person to really take an interest and care about him in a long time, and he didn't want to run her off by dumping his troubles on her. "You don't gotta worry too much about this stuff ok?" He tries to give a convincing smirk. "Ya boy's fine." 

She gives a sarcastic laugh. "Fine? You? That's probably the least true thing you've said to me."

What, was it really that obvious? He's feeling at a loss for what to say. Yeah, he's a mess, but that didn't mean she had to play therapist for him. He didn't want her to have to. In fact, he thinks it would be embarrassing. He still wanted her to see him as at least some kind of tough. 

His silence seems to make her realize he's not ready to speak anymore on these kinds of subjects. She suggests they just watch TV for a bit. Things are still awkward, and he suspects they may be for a bit, but that was his own damn fault. He's not holding his breath for getting to sleep in her bed tonight, but at least the couch is decent, and at least he's back here. 

As they watch TV, he considers putting an arm around her or taking her hand, but he can't bring himself to make the first move. This feels like something that has to be on her terms. After all, he was the one to leave. So they sit, and his eyes grow more and more heavy. At some point, he unconsciously started leaning on her. He jerked himself awake and sat up, muttering apologies. 

"No, it's - it's ok," she says and gently pulls him toward her, rearranging so that he's able to lie on the couch with his head in her lap. 

He cautiously lays his head on her. This was even more than he was expecting. He watches her face for a moment as she resumes watching TV, trying to gauge her expression, but it's unreadable. Then she looks down at him and smiles, and he relaxes, feeling relieved. When she starts running her fingers through his hair, he sighs contentedly, and then he's out like a light. 

~~~

You feel a little guilty. You could tell how tired he was, and probably should have left him to sleep earlier, but you just couldn't. You were too happy about having him back here and just wanted to stay out a little longer, to fully cement that it was real. You weren't sure you could bring him back to your bedroom again so soon. You still felt a little hurt, and well, everything just needed to settle. There had to be some time before it could go back to normal. What was normal anyway? It would have to be a new normal now, wouldn't it? Because you kinda went from him crashing on your couch, to sleeping together, to him leaving. What even were the two of you? 

He's dead asleep in your lap. You turn off the TV and just sit there a while, listening to the rise and fall of his breath. He seemed very self-conscious about telling you about Lusamine. You guess you can't blame him. What an odd, abusive arrangement that was. Still, you wish he was a little more comfortable talking to you - you'd talked to him so much about your life before - but maybe that'll take time too. 

You gently maneuver yourself out from underneath him, and place a pillow under his head. You spread a blanket over him, and leave him to sleep. 

 

He sleeps most of the day away, clearly in need of recovery from basically being out on the street for a week. You let him rest. A couple days pass, and things are starting to feel like they were before. Unfortunately, before-before. You fall back into the routine of leaving him in the apartment all day and coming home to him after work. You talk and joke around, but it's as if the sex never happened. The subject hangs awkwardly in the air, but neither one of you seem willing to bring it up. 

You wish he'd do more during the day, and maybe get out of the apartment, but you know it's difficult. His infamy makes it hard to show his face, and after the malasada outing, when his fears were confirmed, it's now even more impossible. What was he going to do anyway? Hard to do something like find a job when everyone knows you as a gang leader. You hope he'll decide to go back to Hala, but you don't want to push that too hard either. 

Guzma is clearly depressed. How could he not be? You're wishing there was more you could do. What could you do?

When Kukui arranges for a get together for the organizers of the island challenge and the members of the new league, you decide to see if you can get Guzma to come. Kukui had done a few of these now. Their purpose was ensure no hard feelings between the two groups, and to allow everyone to get to know each other. You know both Hala and Kukui will be there, and maybe with a little backup, things will be ok. 

"Hey," you tell him, "so you should come with me to this thing."

He immediately looks apprehensive. 

"I mean, Kukui and Hala will be there and-"

He rubs the back of his neck and grimaces. 

"You know they're both ok with you, right?"

He shrugs. "What is this thing?"

You explain and he still looks unsure. You decide to sweeten the deal a bit. "Oh come on. You could consider it a date!" you say, finally breaching the mention of anything even slightly romance related after a good four or so days of him being back. 

He playful rolls his eyes at you. 

"You can't stay locked up here forever," you tell him, giving him a nudge. 

He thinks about it a moment before finally mumbling an, "okay." 

 

This time Kukui's get-together is a luau on the beachfront. As you approach, Guzma is quiet. He's clearly very on edge and he's keeping his head down like he's trying to avoid being noticed. 

You pray nothing will go wrong. You know he could really use a good night out. 

Kukui really went all out for this one. There's Alola themed decorations all around, lots of food, and entertainment in the form of Marowak fire dancers. Tiki torches and lanterns light up the beach. "Well, I figure it might be one of the last ones," he explains. "We're close to opening the league, eh?" he says, nudging you, knowing full well that you still had two gym leaders to pass through the interview stage. Finding good applicants had been difficult. It seemed like everyone was either over or under qualified. 

When he sees Guzma, he greets him warmly. "Good to see you, cousin!" To Guzma's dismay, he hugs him, and you laugh. 

Hala comes over soon after, clapping Guzma on the back. "Well, if it isn't Guzma out and about!" 

Guzma says nothing, just looks grumpy and embarrassed. 

"And full of worry as usual!" says Hala. "My boy, you mustn't let these worries stop you from having a good time."

The rest of the crowd is not so easy. There are some definite stares, and some are not friendly. You hadn't told many people Guzma was staying with you. It's not that you were trying to hide it as this point, it's just that it hadn't really come up. 

Guzma notices the stares. He looks caught between annoyance and panic and his hand hardly leaves the back of his head. 

You decide to be bold; to show him you're not ashamed to be seen with him. You take his hand in yours, and hold it. 

He's shocked for a moment and doesn't react. It's a big move on your part in a couple ways. Not only is this making a statement to those around you; it's the most intimate touch you've shared since he fell asleep on your lap. When the shock wears off, he intertwines his fingers with yours and gives your hand a squeeze. You look up at him, and he gives you a small smile with just the corner of his mouth. 

Luckily, the majority of the attendees here are league members or trial captains. They know you and respect you. They still cast some curious stares, but your hand holding seems to have done the trick. They don't question you or Guzma. After a while, you notice that he's starting to relax. 

Of course, it might have also been the couple drinks that both of you had, but whatever the reason, you'll take it. The scowl has gone from his face, and he's joking around with you, laughing, and having what looks like the best time he's had in a long time. 

At one point, to your complete and utter surprise, he gets up, and drags you to your feet to tipsily dance to the luau music. Neither of you are very graceful and you know you look foolish, but you just don't care. The two of you jump and twirl about, holding hands and laughing at each other's ridiculous movements. As far as you're concerned, there's no one else here but the two of you right now. You're absolutely lightheaded with alcohol and carefree happiness. He seems to be too. 

He pulls you in close to him. "Hey, come with me. I wanna show you something." 

"What, you wanna sneak off?" you say giggling. 

His face splits into a grin. "Yep, you're going with ya boy!" he tugs on your hand, leading you away from the party. 

You leave the beach, go down the street a ways, and start up a steep trail. You trip a little, and he catches you. "What, princess champion can't even walk?"

You give him one of your playful shoves that he seems to enjoy entirely too much for some reason and continue your way up the trail. 

You're wondering just where he's taking you, when he finally stops. He's looking between the trees lining the trail now. He gives you a gentle pull to follow him through them. "Almost there," he says. "I used to come here a lot as a kid." 

When you get through the trees, you find you're in a bit of a clearing at the top of the trail's large hill. It perfectly overlooks both the beach and the city. The city is lit up with millions of little lights from all the apartments and shops. From this vantage point, they seem to twinkle. The torches and lanterns at the luau cast yellow and orange lights along the beach. Stars are out in the sky above the ocean. You can see the rise of the island's dormant volcano in the distance, and waves gently reaching the sand. It a lot to take in, and you've got to admit it's a pretty fantastic view. You've never seen the city, this city that you love, quite like this. You sit on the ground and stare out at it all. 

Guzma sits besides you. "Yeah, it's pretty great, huh?"

"It's beautiful."

He smiles and nods in agreement. You both take in the scenery for a while, and then he says, "So listen. I never really - I never apologized for leaving. It was a stupid decision, and I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I did. I'm sorry that I left." 

You look at him. He seems very sincere. Pained even. "Guzma, it's-"

"It's not ok. But I'm trying to get it back to ok. There's just, you know, stuff that I'm figuring out."

"I get that."

He takes your hand. You've been sobering up, and with your wits back about you, the contact makes your skin tingle. "And I wanted to thank you. For coming to find me, and well, for everything else." 

You can't help but laugh a little at all of this. It's so unlike him to be this sentimental. You intertwine your fingers with his and squeeze, mirroring that first hand-holding from earlier. "Don't mention it. And it is ok, really. I forgive you." 

His eyebrows are furrowed. "So you're still... ok with all this?"

"What, me and you? Yeah! Who could say no to big bad Guzma." 

He snorts. "I haven't been big or bad in a while." 

"Oh please, you'll always be big and bad to me." 

He laughs, then looks a little serious. "I wanted to tell you something else."

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna - I'm gonna go back to Hala's for training."

You immediately throw your arms around him, feeling both happy and relieved. This was something you had been hoping would happen for a while now. "That's great!" you say, and mean it. 

He smiles, holding you. "Yeah, well, I don't know what I wanna do yet, or even what the point of it will be, but I figure it's as good a place to start as any." 

You get an idea suddenly. "Guzma... do you want to apply to be a gym leader?"

His eyes widen and he scratches his neck. "Huh. Hadn't thought about that one." He looks at you. "You're not just saying that to give me a pity job, are ya?"

"Not at all! I've battled you before. I think you'd make a great bug type gym leader. Besides, it's not as easy as me just giving you the job. There's certain hoops you gotta jump through and ways you gotta prove yourself, and not just to me. I just pick who makes it through the interview stage."

He looks like he's really considering this. Then he smiles and says, "Hey, looks like I've got a goal!"

"Yeah!" This really could work. He really would make a good gym leader. And hey, he's got an in with you. You lean against him and he puts an arm around you. "So," you say, "Wanna sleep in my room tonight?" 

He quickly gets to his feet and lifts you to yours. "Thought you'd never ask." 

"So that's a yes?"

"Fuck yes!" He pulls you in close and pauses, seemingly waiting for confirmation. 

You wrap your arms around his neck and stand on your tiptoes. Your entire chest sings with excitement. It had been too long since the last time this had happened. And with this kiss, you know you're welcoming in a new normal for the both of you.


	9. Bug Bite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, things are a little less planned out from here on out. I have a general idea on how I want things to end, but from between now and that point it's a little fuzzy. For this chapter I was like, should I have them do The Sex or The Angst? Buuuuut I figured everyone deserves a little happiness right? So here's just a whole damn chapter of fluff and smut. 
> 
> But! I do have to ask, are there things you guys would like to see in this fic? Certain scenarios or ideas? Let me know and if I like it, I might add it! 
> 
> Wrote while listening to Next to Me by Emeli Sande.

Ok, so the alcohol made him maybe a bit more mushy and vulnerable than he intended. But it wasn't like he hadn't meant all he said. Besides, he's not even tipsy anymore, and the two of them are practically skipping back to her apartment like two teenagers in puppy love. 

By some miracle, the night had gone just fine. Better than fine! Better than he ever could have expected. It was a different crowd, and aside from a few accusing stares, no one messed with him. Sure, maybe they weren't overly friendly either and almost no one approached them, but hell, he was fine with it just being him and her. And now? Well, he's even more anxious to really make sure it's just the two of them. 

They're quickly making their way back to the apartment building, all laughter, smiles, and gentle teasing. There's pauses for quick kisses and at one point she surprises him by suddenly giving his ass a slap and running off. He takes off after her to catch her and return the gesture. 

It's all flirty, playful, and juvenile, and he doesn't think he's felt this light in years. It's like some small flame has been relit within him. It's small; no bigger than what you'd find on the end of a matchstick, but it's there and warm and it's been absent so long. He swears it grows ever so slightly every time she laughs at something he does or says. 

These were not exactly the typical thoughts of Mr destruction in human form. He's aware of that and a little embarrassed by it. But he wonders if the years of having no choice but to be hard, intimidating, and crude - even during the times where it was merely bluffing - had him convinced that's all he was. Maybe he'd forgotten that there could be more. 

They're still laughing and carrying on when they reach the apartment building. She jokingly shushes him as they start down the hallway, so he swoops down and throws her over his shoulder, causing her to yelp and giggle. "Shhhh," he tells her mockingly and she reaches down, trying to slap at his ass again, but he's too tall. 

He sets her down when they reach her door so she can unlock it. Inside, he's immediately on her and she laughs, pushing him off a bit. "Let me at least put my stuff down first."

"Just throw it on the floor!" he says, grabbing her hand and making for the bedroom.

She snorts. "I'm not you!" But she does let her bag fall to floor as she allows herself to be led through the living room, and into her room. 

He flops backward on her bed with his hands behind his head and sighs. "Missed this for sure." And he really had. The last few things he slept on had been the street, her couch, and a cot at the Pokemon center before that. An actual bed seemed like a luxury. 

She got up on the bed and moved over him, straddling him. He smirked at her, getting up on his elbows. "And this I could get used to."

She rolled her eyes and bent over. He put a hand on her face as their lips met. It's not like the quick, playful kisses they'd shared on the way here. This one is deep and lingering. 

He sits up so that she winds up sitting in his lap with her legs around him as they continue to kiss. And even as his lips are already engaged in an activity, he can't keep the stupid grin off his face. It's different from the last time they were here in her bed. There's no voice in the back of his mind telling him he'll have to leave. There's no specter of knowing their night out had ended badly. It's nothing but joyous, and fun. 

She starts tugging at his jacket, which initiates the awkward and clumsy dance of removing various items of clothing while still managing to keep hands and mouths on one another as often as possible. 

She's on top of him again, running her hands over his chest. Then she's starting to move down, laying kisses as she goes and he cannot believe his luck in the slightest. "Wasn't expecting that." 

She stops her descent and looks up at him, grinning. "Oh, should I not then?"

"Hey, by all means! You do your thing!"

She shakes her head at him, once again rolling her eyes, and continues. 

She takes her time making the rest of her way down, teasing him, and making him groan in impatience. She laughs at him a bit, then finally slowly runs her tongue over the head and he lets out a low moan and falls back on the pillow. When she begins taking it into her mouth, his hands entangle in her hair on instinct. She bobs up and down on him, one of her hands feeling up his chest. 

He closes his eyes, feeling a little sheepish about the noises this is dragging out of him. She continues, her tongue swirling around the top when she comes up before going back down. She's starting to pick up pace and he's breathing hard. He can feel orgasm building, so he (reluctantly) stops her. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and gives him a look that makes him feel like he might just come right then. He pulls her back towards his face, bringing her into a kiss.

"That alright?" she asks.

He laughs. "Are you kidding?! Do you want me to, you know?" He smirks at her. "I heard the best way to do it is to keep spelling out the names of starter Pokemon with your tongue."

"What, that's ridiculous!"

He puts his forehead to hers. "Yeah, I mean, imagine me down there trying to figure out how to spell Cyndaquil."

She gives him a light shove, giggling. "How about next time. That way you can brush up on your spelling. Oshawott might give you trouble too." 

"Yeah, yeah alright, fine," he says, moving to kiss her neck and lay a hand on her thigh. He moves his hand between her legs to find she's already very wet. He works at her clit, kissing and sucking on her neck and shoulder, smiling into her skin at the sounds she makes.

He continues until she tells him, "Please."

"Please what?"

Her eyes roll at him for perhaps the millionth time that night and he can't stop grinning. "Please fuck me, big bad Guzma."

He moves between her legs saying, "Hey, all you had to do was ask ya boy." 

He gently pushes in, moving slowly, but she wraps her legs around him, and pulls him into her hard, her hips bucking up into his. "Fuck me," she says again. And he did not need to be told a third time. 

He picks up the pace and begins hard thrusts into her. She surprises him by pushing herself up and maneuvering so now she's sitting in his lap again, bouncing on him in time with his thrusts. Her legs are around his waist, and she's running her fingers through his hair, moaning. 

He moves a hand down between them to play with her clit again, and he feels her start to clench around him, which brings him over the edge. He moans into her neck as he comes. She finishes soon after, yelling his name in his ear, and he grins, kissing her neck. 

They stay there, sweaty and breathing heavy for a bit. She kisses him on the forehead before untangling from him to go clean up. 

 

They're both exhausted now from the luau, the excitement, and the sex. They lay together, her head on his chest, and his head on hers, an arm around her, and Guzma's not sure he's ever been more content. "Hey," he asks her, something occurring to him now in light of his new goal of becoming a gym leader. "Say you get defeated, what do you wanna do?"

"Well, I- I dunno if I should do it."

"Do what?"

"I kinda... I kinda wanna be a professor. I've always loved that they get to give kids their first Pokemon. And just studying Pokemon all day sounds like a dream."

"So why is that something you shouldn't do?"

She sighs, "I dunno. I'd have to go back to school, and I'm just getting a little old for that." 

"Hey, fuck that. You should go anyway, if it's what you want. Get into the best school you can and kick all those kids asses!" He knows how unhappy the constant battling is making her. He really wants her to go for what will make her happy and everything else be damned. She deserved that. 

She gives a sarcastic laugh. 

He runs his fingers through her hair. "Hey, if I can even consider wanting to be a gym leader, you can be a professor." 

"Well, maybe," she says. "Gotta get through this whole champion thing first."

"You will." He gives her a small shake. 

She sits up, kisses him, and rolls onto her side, gently tugging on his arm to lay with her. 

He complies, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to him. 

She nuzzles back into him, placing a hand over his. "Goodnight, Guzma," she tells him. 

"Goodnight." He falls asleep comfortable and happy for the first time in a very long time.


	10. Struggle Bug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what goes up must... eventually deal with his problems, right? It is time for The Angst it seems. Also I'm liking naming chapters after bug type moves. I may go back and rename some chapters like that. In fact, I'm almost definitely gonna do that. 
> 
> As always, thanks for kudos and comments, including the couple of you who have talked to me on Tumblr too. My Guzma trash sideblog is Bugaboozma. It's almost entirely reblogs of Guzma art that I scour for. I go looking for art to inspire certain chapters, so it's occasionally a good companion for this fic. For real though, letting me know what you think of a chapter or the entire fic makes my day. 
> 
> Tonight listening to Something Wild by Lindsey Stirling and featuring Andrew McMahon and a cover of The Scientist by Vitamin String Quartet as I write. 
> 
> Wanted this chapter to be longer and include more, but inspiration kinda puttered out on me towards the end.

He can't move anything. He can't control anything, not even his thoughts. All that's left is emotions, or really, impressions of emotions and one in particular: fear. He's back in Ultra Space within the Ultra Beast he'd tried to capture. All there is, is a sheer unrelenting terror. And a despair that this is it. It's over and this is all that's left. To just exist in this purgatory at the mercy of this creature. 

But then he's not there anymore. Now he's back at his parents house. He's hiding under his bed, beckoning for his Wimpod to follow him under. He can hear his dad yelling in the hallway, looking for him. 

"Come on!" he tells the terrified pokemon. "Please, please come here." But it doesn't move. 

The door is thrown open so hard that the doorknob leaves a dent in the wall. Guzma winces and retreats further under the bed, tears streaming down his face. His room is dark, and he sees his dad's legs silhouetted in the light from the hallway. 

He takes a step into the room. "Guzma, I know you're under that bed. Get out here now!" 

Guzma stays put, hands clenched in fists, his eyes fixed on the Wimpod. 

His dad takes another threatening step forward and the pokemon lurches up, attacking his dad's legs. He yells, then reels back a foot and kicks the bug, hard. Wimpod hits the wall with a loud thud and lays in a crumpled heap on the floor. 

"No!" Guzma yells, clawing at the carpet and dragging himself out from under the bed. He's just about to reach his pokemon when -

"You're absolutely useless, you know that?" From beneath her blonde hair, Lusamine's green eyes show nothing but disgust. When she gives him looks like this, it brings out some new and strange hurt. For a short while in the beginning, she'd been so kind and he'd come to rely on that kindness to feel any kind of worth. She was important, wealthy, powerful, and hauntingly beautiful and for her to acknowledge him made him feel like he wasn't just a complete fuck up. But this? The cold, hateful looks and words full of venom? It makes him feel absolutely crushed. 

He says nothing; just sits there as she paces. He had learned reacting to her often seemed to make things worse. But then, sometimes not reacting seemed to be the wrong response too, like now.

"You don't even have anything to say? Isn't that just typical. Your stupidity is really quite astounding, as is your complete lack of skills. I can't even count on you to hold off a couple kids and their babysitter. Absolutely pathetic." 

"Lusamine, I -" 

She slapped him, hard, across the face with the back of her hand. He's stunned. She hadn't escalated her ranting and raving to physical violence before. 

He rubs his face with a hand. She stares at him, glowering. He decides this is the breaking point and gets to his feet. "Forget this," he tells her and begins for the exit from her office on Aether Paradise. 

"Then you can forget about your freedom."

He stops. 

"Or have you forgotten just who has ensured your ass hasn't been locked up?" 

Yes, Lusamine was important, wealthy, and powerful, and part of their deal was that she would use those things to get certain authorities to look the other way as he and Team Skull took over Po Town and other misdoings. 

"Now, come back here," she says, her voice suddenly returning to it's usual slow and alluring tone. 

He curses and turns around. She brings a hand to his face where she'd slapped him, and he flinches, but she just lightly touches the swollen red mark. Then she kisses him on the cheek and says, "Next time you'll take care of them." 

"Yeah," he mutters. 

But now it's Plumeria he's looking at. And she's angry. "You're just gonna leave this all behind? Leave us all behind? That's it?"

"Plumes, I just can't anymore. There is no more Team Skull. It's over."

"What are we supposed to do?" she looks desperate. 

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to do."

"So we'll all figure it out! Like we always do."

He knows he can't make her understand. He doesn't have the will to try to explain. After the Ultra Space ordeal, he's shook. He just wants to get away from what he's become and try to start over if it's even possible. "Not this time, Plumes." 

Her face hardens. "If you walk away from here, don't you dare come back." 

 

"Guzma! Hey! Are you ok?" She's shaking him. 

He sits up quickly, startled. Breathing heavy, he takes in his surroundings, reorienting, trying to fully wake up and leave the dreams behind. 

That's right, he's back here now, in her apartment. Well, at least there's one happy thought. And he's in her bed, so that makes two, and - 

She's looking at him in the dark with a face full of concern. "You were tossing and turning and... yelling in your sleep." 

He swallows, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry." 

"It's ok!" she says. "Were you dreaming or -"

She stops when he gets up from the bed. He doesn't look at her. "I just need to get some air a minute, ok?" His heartbeat is entirely too fast and his mind is racing suddenly. He needs to get out and breathe. Grabbing his jacket, he leaves her room, and exits the apartment, heading for the roof. 

It's still the middle of the night. It's a good thing she doesn't have work tomorrow, or he'd feel guilty for waking her.

He sighs and breathes in the night air, leaning on the roof railing and looking out at the rest of the city. He hopes that she isn't too freaked out by this. He'd been worried it would happen. Of course he occasionally had nightmares before, but ever since that ultra beast had possessed him for just that brief moment, they'd become far more vivid. It wasn't every night he had them, but when he did, they were so real and almost always memories - ones he had no interest in reliving. 

He closes his eyes as the night wind hits his face and tousles his hair. One night, one round of nightmares, and it feels like that tiny matchstick flame has gone out again. He can't feel its warmth anymore. He should have known it would only be temporary. He wonders what else is temporary. 

He feels a hand gently touch his back as she appears next to him. "Hey," she says apprehensively. 

"Hey."

"You ok?"

He realizes suddenly that he has a choice. He's torn between telling her the truth, that no, he's not ok and may not be for a while because he's got entirely too much on his mind that he can't fix. Or, he could just brush this off, go back to bed, and postpone any emotional conversation that he's not sure he can navigate. "Um," he starts, hesitating. He rubs the back of his head. He looks over at her, and can't hold back a little laugh at her expression. He's not used to someone being quite so concerned about him. And she does look very concerned, and very tired. This can wait. "Eh, I'm alright." 

She takes his hand and pulls him toward her for a hug. "I know you're lying," she says teasingly in his ear. 

"Me? The gang leader? Lie? Never!"

She laughs, and there it is; the flame is back. Small as ever, but there. 

They pull apart, and she shivers. "What, no jacket?" he says. 

She crosses her arms. "I was worried and came rushing up here to find you, so I didn't think about it." 

He takes off what was formerly his Team Skull hoodie and puts it around her. It's comically too big. He laughs as he pulls the hood up over her head and it covers her eyes. "Cute. Kinda wanna fuck you in it."

She rolls her eyes, putting the hood back. "Well not out here."

"What, you're not into that?"

"You want someone to come back on a Charizard to find the two of us having sex on the roof?"

"I mean, we'll make it a good show." 

She shoves him. "You're gross." 

He laughs and throws an arm around her as they make their way back inside. 

~~~

He's not really ok, and you know it, but it's not like you can force him to open up. So you let him joke around and talk his way out of it. Still, you worry how long this can build up in him; how long it's already been building. You wonder what more you can do to make him comfortable talking to you. Sure, you'd sat on the couch with Tapu Cocoa a couple times and talked, but he always seemed to tell you as little as possible, and he never got emotional about it. 

You go back to bed, and fall asleep against him. The rest of the night is peaceful.

 

It's incredibly nice to wake up with someone else in the bed. You sleep in late, given all the late night activities, and laze about for a bit. When you finally try to get up, Guzma pulls you back down toward him. You give in. It's too tempting to pass up the physical contact that you'd craved with him for so long. He goes back to Hala's tomorrow, with the new goal of being a gym leader in mind, and you hope this time he sticks with it.


	11. Infestation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, had to take a day to figure out this next chapter. And to also sorta prepare for it because I knew it was gonna be a little hard to write. It's been building up for a while, and you knew it was coming, but this chapter will be Guzma's breaking point. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, comments, and encouragement! To be honest, I don't think I would have got as far as I have with this if it weren't for that, so I really do appreciate it. 
> 
> Listening to Skinny Love by Bon Iver as I write tonight.

"Don't be too late, ok?" she tells him, pulling a bag onto her shoulder. She'd clearly caught on that he was, once again, hesitating and procrastinating. 

He rubs at his undercut. "Yeah, yeah, I won't." 

"Promise?"

He sighs. "Promise."

She stands in front of him now, giggling at his expression. "Well you don't have to look so happy about it. I think this'll be good for you." 

"Yeah, well, you don't know Hala like I do." And by this, he means the entirely too positive and pushy way Hala handles everything. It feels like the antithesis to all he is, and he finds it decidedly annoying. 

"Oh, it'll be fine. And hey! You get a goodbye kiss this time." 

He gives her a devious grin. "Wanna make it a little more than a goodbye kiss and we can both be late?"

"Not this time, bug boy," she says, standing on tiptoe to bring her lips to his. 

He tries to make the kiss last as long as he can, but eventually she gently pulls away from him, says her goodbyes, and is out the door. 

Guzma flops down on the couch. He was supposed to go to Hala's to finally resume training this morning, but even up until this last moment he's internally debating whether or not he's ready for that. 

Maybe he'd never really be ready. Yeah, maybe it would be good for him, yeah it would make her happy, and yeah he did want to get out of the apartment and do more but, it just felt so... difficult. 

He feels guilty and lazy for thinking it, but it would be so much easier to just not go and stay here. Then he'd have no anxieties over leaving the apartment and who he might run into on his walk to Iki Town, there'd be no overbearing Hala, and he wouldn't have to put out energy and effort he's not sure he has anyway. It seems like he's often so tired, no matter how much sleep he gets. Thinking of going to Hala's makes him feel even more exhausted. It's hard to explain the feeling of malaise he always seems to have. 

But maybe he should just force himself to go. Just sitting around here before eventually became unbearable. Besides, the more he thinks about the gym leader idea, the more he likes it. If Hala can help him reach a point where he'd be viable for that, then maybe it was worth putting up with him. Fine, fine, he would go. 

There's a knock at the door. 

In all the time he'd stayed here, that had never happened. He stays on the couch a moment, hesitating. Should he just not answer and see if whoever it is will go away? Maybe it's her, and she just forgot something. Maybe her keys and that's why she's knocking. Whoever it is knocks again. He gets up. 

He opens the door to find his father standing there.

It's like the floor itself has dropped out from underneath him. He's dizzy with shock and panic. "Dad?"

"Heard you were here," his father said. "You going to let me in?"

Guzma doesn't move or say anything. 

His dad puts a hand on the door, clearly ready to push his way in.

Anger shoots through him. There's no way he's dealing with this. "No!" He tries to close the door, but he's dad holds it open. 

"Look, son, I just want to talk. That's all."

"I'm done talking to you." He pushes on the door harder. 

But now his dad is pushing back. "Well, I ain't done talking with you."

"You need to leave!"

"I ain't leavin until I've talked to you!" 

They're both struggling with the door now. 

"Guzma, dammit! You knock this off now!"

"Don't do this!" he pleads, "Dad, just leave!" 

His father throws all of his weight into the door, and it cracks a bit as Guzma is sent sprawling backwards. 

He's immediately inside. He reaches down, grabbing Guzma by his shirt collar, and lifting him partially off the ground. "Dammit now, see what you've done? I didn't come over here angry."

Guzma's hands are at his dad's, trying to pry them off his shirt. He grits his teeth, "Only would have been a matter of time anyway." 

He roughly tosses his son aside. "Yeah, there you go, always wanting to paint me as the bad guy. Never taking responsibility for your part in anything." 

"My part? You're the one who just forced your way in here. What do you want?!" Guzma says, getting to his feet. 

His father points at him. "I want you to tell me what the fuck you're doing here!"

"Staying the fuck away from you!"

"You're freeloading, aren't you? Off the goddamn champion no less!"

"It's none of your business."

"It sure as hell is!" He takes a couple steps closer to Guzma. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing you are? All the shit I have to hear about you? Do you know what that's done to me and your mother?"

Guzma says nothing. He's caught between rage and fear. His mind is somehow both running wild and yet also numb. Somewhere in the back of his mind there's a million things he wants to say, but in the forefront, there's nothing. Words are gone and he's just looking for a way out of this situation. 

"Answer me!" his father screams, stepping even closer. 

"I don't fucking know what you want me to say!" 

He points in Guzma's face. "You can start with an apology, you ungrateful little criminal." 

An apology? He wanted Guzma to apologize after everything? After all he'd done? Rage shoots up into his chest. "Fuck you, old man." 

And that was how it started. He sees the fist coming, but he's too slow. He's hit in the face, and he falls backward. 

His dad stands over him. "You think I came here wantin to do this?! This is on you, you little bastard!"

Guzma wipes at the wet, warm blood falling from his nose. 

"Get up."

And Guzma does. He's a good bit taller than his dad now, but his dad still has weight on him. Now that he's older, they are about evenly matched. 

"You're coming home."

"No."

"I'll drag you there if I have to, boy."

Guzma says nothing, just stares his father down. 

He grabs for him, and Guzma shoves him back. 

From that point it becomes a full blown brawl. They clash and clamor around the living room. Items are knocked off tables, pieces of furniture are upturned, punches are thrown, and it's a whirlwind of scrambling, scratching, and scraping. For Guzma, it all seems to be going in slow motion. And of all the things to be thinking about, he thinks of the first time his dad became violent. 

 

He was about seven and he had gotten an attitude with his dad over having left out his toys. His father had smacked him. Guzma ran off as far as he could, past Melemele meadow and into Seaward Cave. There he hid, until a small Pokemon wouldn't stop bugging him for some Pokebeans he had in his pockets. 

The Wimpod skittered around his feet, occasionally rearing up to try and reach for the pockets of his shorts. 

"Leave me alone!" he'd yelled at it, and it quickly withdrew, frightened. 

But then a few minutes later it was back and bugging him. 

He thew his hand into his pocket, pulling out the beans. He lifted them over his head, glaring at the pokemon, ready to throw. "You want these so bad then fine! Here! Take them!"

But the Pokemon was cowering from his yelling and threatening posture. 

Guzma paused. Then he fell to his knees, and held the beans in an outstretched hand. The Wimpod cautiously approached and ate a one. 

He sat down, cross-legged, and it climbed into his lap. He hugged it and began to cry. "I'm sorry," he said. 

 

The fight continues and his dad has gotten a few good hits in. His lip is split. He's trying to move him towards the door. If he can just get him away; get him outside, then maybe this would be over. The shirt his dad is wearing has a little embroidered golf club on the shirt pocket. His dad had always been an avid golfer. 

 

He's twelve or so now, and much to his dad's surprise and pleasure, he asks him to teach him to play. They go that weekend to the golf course his dad frequents. Guzma picks up the ins and outs of it quickly and he does well. Better than his dad seemed to think he would. 

"That's my boy!" he remembers him yelling and clapping him on the back as the ball disappeared into the cup. Guzma grinned, ecstatic to have his dad being so... so nice to him. Later that day he even took him for malasadas. "I'm proud of you" he told him. Guzma could still hear those words being said if he thought about that moment. He treasured it. Those were words he would not hear often. 

 

There's a shattering sound as some decorative plate falls off the wall and breaks on the floor of her apartment. 

 

It's the same sound he'd heard when he'd accidentally dropped a glass in the kitchen when he was about fifteen. "I'm sorry!" he yells and immediately tries to pick up the pieces. 

"It's ok, Guzma," his mother says. "It's just a cup. We'll get it cleaned up before your dad gets home." 

Guzma places some of the pieces in the trashcan. He stops for a moment, then turns to his mother. He can't hold back the question that comes out of him. "Why is dad always so angry?"

"He's not, dear."

"Yes he is! He's always yelling and screaming about something and - and I don't think he likes me very much."

"Your father loves you. He just... doesn't always know how to show it."

"I don't think so, mom."

"Oh Guzma, he's not all bad. He's done so much good too. Didn't he take you fishing just last week?"

Guzma rubs at the fading bruise on his arm from when he'd knocked over his father's tackle box, and he had whacked him with his fishing rod. He says nothing. He hadn't told her about the incident. Like now, she often just seemed to explain things away. 

"Your father's a good man overall," she said. "He just has his moments. We all do." 

She would always either excuse or deny the things his father did. When he was older, Guzma figured she had to, to assuage her guilt and keep her sanity. Rose colored glasses for his mom. Always. 

 

He'd have yet another black eye after this. They're still grappling around her apartment. 

 

Another black eye like the ones he'd occasionally have to hide or make up a story for. Like when he'd come home after failing his island challenge and now Hala was asking questions. 

"What did you say happened?"

"I fell out of a tree," said Guzma crossing his arms. "It's not a big deal. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Guzma, if something's wrong, you can tell me." Hala put a hand on his shoulder. 

Guzma jerked out of his touch. "It's fine. It was just a tree, ok?"

 

From the bedroom, where he had left his pokeballs, there's a roar. Golisopod comes running out and knocks his father off his feet with one giant claw. He hits a wall, and gets up, coughing. Golisopod is back on him, scratching and clawing. 

Guzma rushes over, and puts himself between his dad and the bug, pressing into the pokemon's chest, trying to get it's attention. "Stop! Stop now!" If he can't stop Golisopod, it'll kill him.

His dad cowers behind his legs, bloody and beaten. When he sees that Guzma is holding it off, he gets to his feet. "You still can't control that thing?!"

Golisopod roars. 

"Get out! Get the fuck out or I let it go!" Guzma yells. 

His dad just stands there. 

Golisopod upends a small table with a claw, sending it hurdling in his dad's direction. Guzma's straining with all he's got left in him to hold back his pokemon. 

His father ducks out of the way, the table just barely missing him. "Fine! Fine, Guzma! This is what you want, fine! You no longer have any family."

Golisopod struggles against him. Guzma's gritting his teeth and his feet are sliding. "Haven't had that for a while."

Finally, his father moves for the door. 

"If you come back here," Guzma yells after him, "I won't stop him next time!"

His father slams the cracked door, and he's gone. Golisopod stops pushing against Guzma, and lets out one final roar at the door. 

"It's ok, buddy," he tells the pokemon, panting. "It's alright." 

He looks around at the damage now, and he falls to the ground, shocked and exhausted. Furniture is upended, things are shattered, and there's even dents in the wall and blood in a few places. How could he fix this? Would he and his presence ever be anything but destruction? 

Golisopod sits next to him, chittering at him. Guzma stays where he is. Unsure of how to feel or even what to do next. 

~~~

You get a call from Hala around midday. Guzma never showed up. You feel hurt and angry. He seemed so sincere when he told you that he was going back. You thought he was ready. He had promised you... 

Maybe something was wrong? Surely not. He'd probably just got discouraged by something and had stayed home. But after that initial thought, you can't shake the feeling that maybe something is actually wrong. 

During your next interview with a potential gym leader, you're distracted. After it, you call Guzma, but he doesn't pick up. You cancel the rest of your challengers and interviews for the day. You couldn't focus and you had to check. You had to know. 

 

The worst is confirmed when you see the crack in your apartment door. Now you're panicked. You rush inside, and your living room has been nearly destroyed. You see blood on the wall. "Guzma?!" you yell for him, your voice high in alarm. 

There's clattering from the bathroom, and you run through the living room, down the hallway, and find him in there. He had been wiping at blood on his face and had knocked your brush onto the floor when he'd heard you. There's blood from both his nose and mouth smeared across his face. His eye is already swelling into what will be a black eye. He's completely beaten and disheveled. You reach for him, and he draws back. "Guzma-"

"It's ok! It's- I'm fine." 

"No, you're clearly not. What the fuck happened?" 

"So, uh, my dad showed up, and, uh..." he trails off, looking at the floor. "I'm - I'm really sorry. I'll - I'll make sure everything gets fixed."

"I'm not worried about that." You move towards him again, and this time he lets you wrap your arms around him as he does the same to you. 

You feel warm drops hit the top of your head and look up. Tears are slowly making their way down his cheeks. He wipes at them, angrily. 

"Hey, it's ok," you say gently, putting a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear with a thumb. 

He falls forward, arms still around you, burying his head in your shoulder, sobbing. 

You hold him close as his body shakes, tears and old blood staining your shirt. 

The two of you stand there, for as long as it takes for him to let it out.


	12. Silver Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Well, hey! It's all up from here, right? Right? Probably. Maybe. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments! I seriously like, reread them multiple times. I may not always respond (is that even commonplace to do on Ao3 I don't even know) but I seriously appreciate each one. Keeps me going! 
> 
> I think I might be having too much from Guzma's point of view but, I dunno, I'm just sorta going with my gut on what should be from whose perspective. I think so much of it winds up being from his perspective because it's ultimately his story. Whatchu think? 
> 
> Listening to Fix You by Coldplay because lmao ... and also Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine because if you're gonna make yourself feel the feels, you might as well go all the way. Seriously, give that one a listen.

It's not just about his dad. It's all of it; everything. All the things he'd been consciously and subconsciously holding back. Everything that had made the past few years so incredibly difficult. All the mistakes, both those of his own doing, and those others had made in regards to him. It's the things she knows about and so much more. Every bit of it had been halted in a doorway, and kept there, but now the door was open. Yes, it was his dad, but it was also Lusamine, the angry crowd outside the pokemon center, losing his best friend when Plumeria told him to never come back, and every feeling of doubt, especially concerning her, the girl he's clinging to now. 

She's practically holding him up. His arms are wrapped around her back and his sore face is pressed into the space between her neck and shoulder. He can't stop his whole chest from heaving as he's wracked with sob after sob. When was the last time he'd cried this hard? When was the last time he cried? 

 

He'd only seen his father cry once. Once and only once. When Guzma was thirteen, his dad's Stoutland had passed away. It was a bit of a family pet, and Guzma had been upset about it too, to the point that he couldn't sleep. It was the middle of the night, and he decided to sneak out of his room for a glass of water. On his way to the kitchen, he stopped dead in his tracks at finding his father sitting in his chair, head in hands, quietly crying. 

He should have just turned around, but the shock of seeing his father doing something so emotional vulnerable rooted him to the spot. His dad looked up then, and quickly wiped at his face. "Boy, what are you doing up?"

"I just - I couldn't sleep and-"

"Yeah? Me neither."

They're both quiet for a moment. Guzma tenses up, not sure what to expect next. 

"I just keep thinking its just around the corner, you know?" his father says. "See something like a pile of laundry and I think it's Stoutland for a second. Then I remember. Again." 

He stands, and walks over to him. He puts a hand out and Guzma flinches. But all he does is put that hand on his shoulder. "Get some sleep, boy." And then he disappears into his and his mother's bedroom. 

Until this day he had never seen his dad do something like that ever again. 

 

And this kind of emotional display was rare for him too. Sure, he could do anger, he could joke around, he could be sarcastic, and he could do intimidation. But sadness and hurt? No, no he kept that to a minimum; outwardly at least. And yeah, he could admit that maybe that wasn't always healthy, but it was healthy for his image, and maintaining that was crucial. 

Right now he feels so raw crying into her. So exposed and laid bare. It's both embarrassing and cathartic. She doesn't say anything besides the occasional "It's ok" as she holds him to her.

Eventually, his sobs begin to slow, and they both wind up on the bathroom floor, seated side-by-side with their backs against the tub. He's so completely exhausted. He's sore in multiple places and there's still blood on his face and hands. 

They're both quiet for a bit as everything settles and his breathing evens out. He's a complete mess and so is the living room. There's so much cleaning up to do, but for now, sitting here on the cold tile floor next to her is all that needs to be. He sighs, releasing the last of his tension. "So, uh, sorry about your shirt," he says noticing the blood and tears smeared on her shoulder. 

"Don't worry about it." 

"And, you know, everything else out there. If this is - if this is too much, I get that." He feels so incredibly guilty that he's living up to being "destruction in human form." This is more than she ever needed on her plate. 

She laughs a little. "Oh for fuck's sake," she says taking his hand. "Don't apologize anymore, alright? I'm just glad you're ok." She looks over at him. "Well, mostly ok." She stands and holds her hand out to him and he's reminded of the first night after the Pokemon Center incident, when she'd helped him up on the ride Charizard. Always pulling him out of his messes. He takes her hand and she helps him to his feet. "Let's get you cleaned up."

She leads him to the kitchen, and sets him down in a chair at the island counter top. It was the closest thing to a dining room table the small apartment had. She gets a first aid kit, a wet washcloth, and a towel, and sits down in her own chair facing him. As she begins gently wiping the blood from his face, he realizes that this is the first time anyone has ever taken care of him after he'd been roughed up this bad. In the past, after the few other instances his dad had beaten him this severely, he was so exhausted and defeated that he hadn't bothered to take care of things for hours afterwards. He just laid there until he felt up for a painful shower. Now, having someone tend to him feels so new and comforting. 

Until she's trying to clean up around his split lip, and he winces away. 

"Oh I'm almost done, you baby," she says grabbing his chin. 

He watches her face as she works. It's full of concern and concentration. He might never be certain why someone like her would want to be with someone as messy as him, but he sure as hell is grateful. He puts a hand to her face, and her eyes leave his busted lip and meet his. He pulls her toward him, and she gingerly kisses him, obviously trying to avoid causing him pain. "Thank you," he tells her. 

"Of course!" she smiles at him. "Now let me finish." 

~~~

You feel several things. You're so angry at Guzma's father and you worry about the possibility of him coming back. Guzma does not want to try pressing charges or anything that might involve authorities. Given his past, he's not sure how much help they'd be anyway, and who knows, maybe they'd even make things worse. 

You feel upset on Guzma's behalf that this happened yet again. And of course it had to happen right as he was about to start up training. This kind of bump in the road was the last thing he needed and was definitely not going to help his obvious depression. 

And you also feel exhausted. Hala had been right when he told you that you had not chosen an easy path. Of course, you weren't going to give up on Guzma or anything like that, but you had to admit that it was a lot. Between this, and your two jobs, you are running on fumes. Luckily after you'd explained things to Kukui, he was fine with you taking a couple days off. 

That first night, you didn't bother with the mess his fight with his father had left behind. It was more important to fix up Guzma first. After cleaning up the blood from his face and hands, you rushed him past the living room to let him get changed in your room. No sense in letting him stare at the destruction and feel guilty. Then you get him settled in the bed with a pack of frozen peas over his swollen eye. You're a little surprised he lets you do all this with no fuss. Perhaps he's still a little shocked from everything. 

You lie with him until he falls asleep. 

Hala calls. He wants to come by to talk with Guzma, and he wants to help clean up. You know Guzma may not be pleased with this, but if he wants a shot at being a gym leader, he has to start preparing as soon as possible. And he's lucky Hala is willing to dedicate the time that he is. After all, Hala is still a member of the Elite Four and has his own challengers to take. Luckily, though he still has the title of Kahuna, with the island challenge being phased out, he has no more grand trails to battle in. 

You needed to bring up the possibility of Guzma as a gym leader to Kukui soon. You'd been putting it off, trying to figure out how to say it. Obviously Guzma wouldn't really go through an interview with you, as there wouldn't be much of a point. But you'd still need Kukui's approval to pass him on to the next stage. That's where things got more complicated. 

Once you've chosen eight people, they had to prove their proficiency with their chosen type, as well as their ability to lead. Then they had to be approved and agreed upon by all members of the elite four. Then, and only then, would they finally be gym leaders. Should any fall through the cracks, the process had to start over and you'd have to interview more people. This was why finding good candidates was so important. You were growing tired of interviews and you're hoping the eight you choose will be it. Should Kukui approve of Guzma, you'll only need to find one more person. This spot was proving the hardest to fill. In the meantime, you'd been looking into schools with professor programs you could go to after this is all done. 

 

Hala arrives the next day, and as predicted, Guzma is not happy. He's not angry, but definitely annoyed. You figure he'd been hoping for a little more peace, and you feel a little guilty for not letting him have that. But Hala is such a kind and wise figure that you hope ultimately the visit will be good. 

Guzma's still in bed with a fresh pack of peas on his eye when Hala walks in. He asks to be left alone with Guzma, and you hesitate, but leave the room, closing your bedroom door behind you. 

You stand in the living room, and really survey the damage for the first time. It'll take a good couple hours to clean up. 

~~~

It's not that he hates Hala or anything like that. He's just not always in the mood for the unrelenting effervescent attitude Hala always seems to have, no matter what's happening. He's the jolly sort who always seems out to teach you a lesson. And Guzma had had enough lessons. If he's honest with himself, Guzma suspects part of his Hala disdain might come from his bitterness at anyone who even slightly attempts to be a father figure to him. He didn't need anymore parental types to disappoint. So when Hala strolls into the room, the day after the fight with his actual father, he is not happy. 

He groans as Hala stands beside the bed now. 

"As welcoming as ever I see!" says Hala, smiling at him. 

"This gotta happen now?"

"Well, I'd say so." 

"Look don't - don't ask me to forgive him right now or 'let go of my anger' or whatever. Ain't happening. Not yet," Guzma says readjusting the peas on his face. 

"My boy, I wouldn't dream of it."

Guzma snorts. "That's exactly what you told me before."

"Then maybe I misspoke. Kahunas can make mistakes too."

Guzma looks at him. How often exactly did fucking grand master kahuna Hala admit he was wrong? 

Hala continues, "Anger, anger can be useful. If you know how to use it." 

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Boy, if you need to be angry, then be angry. After the things you've been through there is no one who could blame you. But the key is to not let it ruin you. To not turn it on others, or yourself, but instead, let it drive you forward." 

Guzma sarcastically throws up his hands. "And how, exactly, do you propose that's done."

"By proving yourself wrong."

"Don't you mean proving my dad wrong?"

"No. As far as your father is concerned, your challenge will be no longer wanting his approval. Proving him wrong won't matter if you can do that."

Guzma swallows. He knew, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt his father's approval was never coming. And yet that didn't seem to stop him from craving it so badly. "Easier said than done." 

Hala sighs. "It is. It's a process. It's not a switch you can turn on and off. You will make mistakes. You're going to have to learn to forgive yourself, Guzma. That's the only person you need to forgive. Your father is someone you should pity for not wanting to better know his son who has so much potential, even still."

Guzma laughs ruefully. "Potential? Think I've pretty damn well seen that's not the case anymore."

"And that's the voice you will have to prove wrong."

Guzma says nothing. 

"You are more than the ideas that have been planted in your head. You're more than what your father or anyone thinks of you. I see so much that you could do, yes still, and I still believe it could come to pass, or I would not be here." 

Guzma still doesn't respond. He's not ready to accept whatever it is Hala's trying to impress upon him. 

"Heal up, Guzma. And think about what I've said. I expect you back in Iki town soon. We will make a fine gym leader out of you." 

Guzma just nods, and Hala finally leaves. 

Guzma lays back on the bed. His own inner critic was going to be a hard voice to prove wrong. 

But at this point, what did he lose in trying?


	13. Quiver Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, things might be a little slower to update now that I'm basically trying to bridge from where we're at in the story now to where I want it to end. It's just a little fuzzy. Took a couple days to figure out what would happen in this chapter. Hopefully writer's block won't be too intense. 
> 
> Your kudos and comments are amazing as always! <3 
> 
> Listening to Heart of Life by John Mayer and Be as You Are by Mike Posner. As always, give those a listen for the BIG MOOD. Especially that Mike Posner one. The songs I'm listening to can sometimes completely determine how a chapter goes.

You and Hala set about the task of fixing the living room. Luckily, most of the damage was contained to just that room, though it looks quite the mess. You shudder when you think about what the fight must have looked like to cause such destruction. Most of it is fixable, but there's some dents and scratches in tables and the walls that may just permanently be there now; unfortunate reminders of Guzma's past catching up with him. 

You had planned on just you and Hala picking up, and letting Guzma rest, but when he heard the commotion from all the cleaning, he came out of the bedroom and was absolutely adamant that he help too. You wish that he wouldn't as you watch him wince from bruised ribs while scrubbing at a spot of blood on the wall, but there seems to be no convincing him. His guilt at the state of your apartment is obvious in both his expressions, and in the extreme effort he's putting into the cleanup. 

You're still working on repairs when there's a knock at the door. When you open it, Plumeria is standing there. "Um, Kukui told me about..." she trails off when she looks beyond you and sees Guzma. "Holy shit, G." 

Guzma turns and gives a short laugh, rubbing his undercut, and wincing at the movement. "Uh hey, Plumes. Yeah, got a little - a little roughed up." 

Plumeria moves past you and quickly approaches him. "I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him, G." 

"It's not that big a deal," he tells her. 

"Not that big a deal? Look at you! You're a fucking mess." 

"Good to see you too, Plumes." 

She shakes her head at him, eyes welling up. "I'm so sorry." 

She hugs him, and Guzma drops the cloth he's holding in surprise. Then he hugs her back. "It's alright Plumes. I'm - I'm sorry for duckin out on all of you."

They laugh and talk for a while, making up, and then she helps with the clean up efforts. 

Being back on speaking terms with his best friend seems to take at least some of the weight off Guzma's shoulders. You're grateful Plumeria decided to come by. You hadn't realized she knew Kukui that well, and when you ask her about it, it turns out she doesn't. 

She grins at you. "Actually I was dropping off an application when Kukui let me know what was up."

"Application?"

"Yeah! Figured maybe Alola could use a poison type gym leader. So I hope I see you soon for an interview."

You smile back. "I can guarantee it." 

 

With the four of you working, the rest of the cleanup goes fairly quickly. Soon it's just you and Guzma left sitting on the couch, with only a few hints left behind that the fight had ever happened. Despite his earlier annoyance with Hala, reconnecting with Plumeria seems to have left Guzma in higher spirits. He tells you stories of the two of them paling around in the past, and how he relied on her so much to help keep Team Skull up and running. She was the sibling he never had and an excellent admin. 

Seeing him any sort of happy after all that had happened yesterday makes you, in turn, very happy. You were so worried that this would be a major setback for him. That it would make him close off to everyone and everything, and ruin any chance he had at getting that gym leader spot. But that doesn't seem like it will be the case. Maybe it's still a little too early to tell such a thing, but he still seems pretty determined to get everything back on track. You silently thank both Hala and Plumeria for coming by when Guzma needed them.

He sighs now, looking very tired. His eye has become black and blue and it's nearly swollen closed. He definitely looks pretty rough with his split lip, bruises, scratches, and other minor assorted injuries. But despite this, he smiles at you as you get up and tell him you're bringing him pain pills and more frozen peas. 

When you return, he pops the pills, and you move down the couch and motion for him to lay his head in your lap. He happily complies and you gently place the peas on his eye. He's all smiles at you and you can't help but laugh. "What?" you ask him. 

"I dunno," he says. "It's just... nice, that's all."

You shake your head, not understanding. 

"There's never really been anyone, you know, around after stuff like this. It's different. In a good way." He takes hold of your hand that had been resting on his chest. "Just want you to know I appreciate it." 

"Don't mention it, bug boy," you say, bending over as far as you can. He rises up a bit to meet your lips, then relaxes back in your lap. You run your fingers through his hair, watching as he closes his eyes. For the first time since you came home and found him beaten and bloody, you feel like it all might be ok. 

 

It takes nearly a week for the more severe injuries to heal enough that he seems fully able to leave the apartment. His split lip is healing nicely and bruises are beginning to fade. His eye is no longer swollen, and the bruised ribs don't bother him as much as they did. He begins truly and finally going back to Hala's. 

It's rough at first. You admit Hala has some strange ways of going about things, and Guzma seems so unwilling to put up with anything he deems "bullshit." What makes the training even harder is that now they have a focus - that focus being turning Guzma into a gym leader. He seems to be having a hard time understanding that while yes, this is also a leadership role, it's different from being the boss of a gang. Guzma has to learn how to be more mature and patient. Some of the challengers will be as young as 10, and this means he must figure out how to impart knowledge in an appropriate and respectful way. It's not like yelling at a grunt when they mess up. 

It's new and strange territory for Guzma. In the beginning he'd come back to the apartment frustrated and unable to pinpoint what it was he was doing wrong. A couple times he even seemed close to giving up, figuring he just wasn't cut out for this kind of thing. You talked to him about it and gave him the space to decide on that himself, but he kept going back to Iki town day after day. 

As time went on, he seemed to come to more and more of an understanding of what it was he needed to become. Hala starts him training with local kids in an effort to really hone that mentor-like persona he's gonna need. And he seems surprised to admit to you that he likes it. He enjoys working with the kids, praising them when they succeeded, comforting and advising them when they fail. Maybe he could do this after all. 

More than anything, you can't help but feel so incredibly proud of him for the continuous effort he's putting in. You'll never admit it to him, but after all his reluctance to see Hala, you wondered if he really would stick with it. But maybe most amazing of all, is the change you're starting to see in him. With a goal that he's striving for and getting closer and closer to accomplishing, it's clear he's starting to find a sense of self worth. This has allowed progression between the two of you to be easier. He's still Guzma, with all the sarcasm and attitude that comes with that, but now he seems happier. 

The two of you go out bug hunting often after he's done with training and you're done with challengers and interviews. You had indeed interviewed Plumeria, and you really were impressed with her. You passed her through the interview phase, meaning there's just one spot left... and you still needed to talk to Kukui. 

You'd put it off for multiple reasons. You had to make a convincing argument that showed you weren't just choosing Guzma because he's your, what, boyfriend? There was another conversation you needed to have. You also had to make sure Guzma would really follow through with the training before bringing it up to Kukui, otherwise you'd just look foolish. But Guzma had followed through, and with just one more spot to claim, you'd need to talk to Kukui as soon as possible. 

But first, there was something else to establish. 

The two of you are in Melemele Meadow hunting for Cutiefly and Caterpie. He needs to expand the variety of bug pokemon he has, as a gym leader has to be prepared for trainers of different skills to challenge them. This means keeping pokemon of various levels so you could always give a challenger an appropriate battle. 

You're both traipsing through the yellow flowers and he's going on about... something with bug pokemon. You're mostly just telling him "uh huh" in response. You feel bad for not listening, but you're too distracted trying to figure out how to ask him what you're about to ask him. When you can't think of any kind of eloquent way to put it, you blurt out, "Guzma, what are we?"

He stops and turns to you, his hand shooting behind his head. "What? What do you mean?"

"I mean like, we're, you know, together, right?"

He gives you a giant, sarcastic grin and puts his hands on his hips. "Are you saying you wanna make it official with ya boy?"

"Well, yeah?" you say, suddenly feeling a bit vulnerable. 

His smug grin grows even further and he teasingly says, "I dunno, I'll have to think about that one."

You shove him a bit. "Don't be an ass."

He laughs and pulls you to him. "It's official then." He kisses you and then he grabs your hand and starts pulling you in another direction. 

"Where - where are we going?"

"We're gonna find someplace private." 

"You wanna have sex. In the meadow."

"Sorta."

You internally hesitate for a second, but then you give yourself over to the moment. You haven't seen anyone the whole time you've been in the meadow anyway. 

He leads you to a secluded area with a convenient tree stump and sets you down on it. He stands over you, kissing you roughly, clearly trying to get you riled up as fast as possible. He moves on to kissing and sucking at your neck as you feel a hand go under your skirt and slide up your thigh. He rubs your thigh, getting closer and closer to your crotch. 

When your breathing becomes heavy, he reaches his other hand under your skirt and begins tugging your panties off. You raise yourself up a bit so he's able to slide them past yours ass and down your legs. "I swear to god if I get a bug in my ass, I'll kill you," you tell him now that your bare bottom is sitting on the tree stump. 

He laughs, "Well, that'd be one way to catch a bug." 

He slides his hand back up your thigh, and you spread your legs so he has easier access. He finds your clit and rubs it with his rough hands as he resumes kissing your neck. You sigh into his ear, your hands clutching at his back.

He sinks to his knees and motions for you to move a little closer to the edge of the stump. He puts your legs over his shoulders and begins kissing your inner thighs. 

He's taking his sweet time, kissing up and down each thigh, getting close to the wetness in the center, but not yet touching it, teasing you. You groan and he laughs, giving you a devilish grin. 

Finally, he turns his attention towards the center, running his tongue over your clit, and immediately your hands go into his hair. He continues licking and sucking at it and you bite your lip to keep from moaning. 

He pulls away a bit. "Oh come on," he says, when he notices the effort you're putting into not making noise. "No one's around." 

He continues, inserting his tongue in and you bite your lip harder and resist the urge to bring your hips closer to his face. 

When he returns to sucking at your clit and then begins fingering you as well, you can't help the moan you let out. This seems to egg him on, and he inserts another finger, picking up the pace and hitting something inside you that makes your back arch and your hips move forward. 

Your breathing becomes even heavier and your fingers clench in his hair as you're pushed closer to orgasm. 

When you do come, you're embarrassed at how loud you wind up choking out his name, and you're hoping the meadow really is clear of people. 

He comes up, grinning at you and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "How was that?" he asks. 

Your breathing still hasn't evened when you say, "Wanna quit bug hunting early and get back to my place?"

 

Indeed, things had been going well. You couldn't be happier with it all. Which is why you aren't prepared when Kukui is suddenly telling you no. 

You're in disbelief in fact. You'd finally worked up the nerve to talk to him about passing Guzma through the interview process by telling yourself that there was no way he wouldn't say yes. And yet-

"Plumeria is one thing," he says, looking at you regretfully across the table you're both sitting at. He seems hesitant, like he's carefully choosing each word that's coming out of his mouth. "But I'm not sure it's wise to keep choosing former members of Team Skull. Especially not their leader. He's still got a shaky relationship with, well, most of Alola" 

"But, you don't understand! He's been working so hard! He's made so much progress."

Kukui gently shakes his head. "I knew he was training with Hala, but I didn't know that it was for this." 

You sit there, stunned and devastated. You're searching your brain for something, anything, but your thoughts are swirling.

"Look, Guzma has been a friend of mine for a very long time. But that friendship has made me certain of something, and I do not say this to you easily. I don't think he has the disposition to make a quality gym leader. I just don't see him... caring enough."

"He's been working on that though. Kukui, please, he's changed. Please, please don't do this. It'll crush him."

He looks at you pained, but resolute. "You need to reconsider this. For the good of the league that we're establishing, you need to set aside your feelings for Guzma and look into other candidates." And then he rises and walks away, leaving you wide-eyed, and numb. 

You slowly get up from the table, and make your way to the exit. You're not sure what you're going to do yet, or what you're going to tell Guzma, but all you know right now, is that you want out of this building and off Mount Lanakila. 

As you're about to exit, one of the guards stops you. "You might want to wait a bit, miss. It's pretty bad out there right now."

"I'll be alright," you say, not even bothering to look at the guard, and push through the doors. Bad weather or not, you just wanted to leave. 

Outside the wind is whipping around and the snow has picked up. It's not great, but it's not that terrible, and you figure you should call a Charizard before visibility gets any lower.

You get out your pager and press the button. The pokemon has a bit of trouble landing, but you climb on anyway, mind still numb, and just wanting to leave. 

As the Charizard takes off, it's suddenly blasted by an enormous gust of wind, blowing it sideways. The entire world spins and you clutch onto the saddle as the pokemon struggles to regain control. It's almost righted itself when it's hit again by the punishing wind and snow. 

Between the snow, ice, and erratic movements, you can barely make out what's happening. You catch glimpses of an edge you're coming too close to. You're still hanging on as the pokemon tumbles about in the cutting wind. Then there's a rock; a large, jagged rock. You watch, as it's blue wing catches on it, tearing a large hole. The charizard roars in pain and then you're over the edge, falling. 

With one of its wings down, it can't right itself anymore and its tumbling downward. It roughly hits the side of the mountainside and you become separated from it. Now you're both falling until a large, white surface comes rushing towards you. You crash into the snow. 

Though the snow is fresh, it's not exactly a soft landing, but you're alive. You've landed on a surface jutting out from the mountain. All above you is the snowy top. At least the snow had broken your fall and you hadn't tumbled far enough to reach the hard, rocky surface where the snow stops. You shiver. Or maybe that wasn't so lucky. You check yourself and while you don't think anything is broken, you're covered in cuts and scrapes and there's a large gash on your leg. 

You hear a low roar and look around. You see the form of the Charizard sticking out of the snow. You limp over to it. It's weakened, but still alive. "Don't worry," you tell it "I'll get help." 

But your phone has no service on the mountainside. You get out the ride pager, thinking that maybe you could call another pokemon, but it's nearly split in half from the fall. You press the button, and nothing happens. You collapse in the snow next to the Charizard and look around. There's no where you can see that's easily climbable, especially with your leg the way it is. 

You scoot back into the Charizard, and the injured pokemon wraps itself around you. What now?


	14. Tail Glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than anything with this chapter, I want to highlight just how much Guzma has changed by this point. Not just to himself, but to other characters, and hopefully you, the reader. Hopefully this illustrates that. 
> 
> Thanks again for kudos and comments! Comments make you my favorite person. 
> 
> Listening to something a little different for this chapter. A mashup called Pop Culture by Madeon. Please look up a video called Fan.tasia that uses the song. I won't spoil what it is, but you won't regret it.

He would never say that the visit his father paid to him at her apartment was a good thing. Not in the slightest. But maybe, there was some good that could be drug out of it. That good came mostly from the people who stuck around after the incident. This time, he didn't have to figure out recovery on his own. Where before, recouping meant waking up to pain and memories he was too lazy to do anything about, now he woke up with her. She would either do whatever was needed, like icing his black eye, or gently talk him into doing things for himself. 

And though maybe he was a little loath to admit it, there was also Hala, who relentlessly seemed to see something in him, even when he was sure there was nothing left to see. Plumeria was the newest re-addition to the Guzma cheer squad, and one he was happy to have back. She would come visit now and then, and the two of them would talk of ways they could help the former grunts should they both become gym leaders, which only made him want to pursue the goal more. She'd asked him to come see some of the grunts that were holed up in Tapu Village, but he wasn't sure he was up for that just yet. 

He felt grateful for the company he had between the three of them now. Sure, back in Po Town he was surrounded by grunts, but he'd still felt alone then. The only one he'd let his guard down around was Plumes. Which was why losing her friendship had been so difficult and gaining it back felt like balm on a wound. 

Still, he did want to help the grunts as best he could to make up for his sudden disappearance. He wanted to make something of himself. He wanted that gym leader position. What had started off as a suggestion from her, had turned into the goal that kept him moving forward. It was his focus and he was going to keep on the path towards it. He wasn't going to let an altercation with his dad stop that. Not this time. 

It wasn't always easy to find and keep that resolve. He did falter occasionally, sometimes even critically, but he was also slowly learning to forgive himself for those moments. It was, as Hala had said, a process; one he often found himself frustrated with. But then he'd think about the things he could do as a gym leader. How he could earn back the respect of the community. How he could hire grunts to help run the gym. This was for himself, but it was also so much more than that. So he kept going. 

The training would also be absolutely maddening sometimes, especially in the beginning. There were many things that Hala had him do that Guzma just didn't see the point to, like helping him run errands. After a while he supposed that it was about learning patience, but he couldn't be sure. He figured it beat sitting around the apartment, so he gave in to Hala's seemingly random methods. 

When Hala began trying to discuss leadership with him, Guzma got cocky, telling him, "I led an entire gang of misfits, old man, I think I'm good in this particular area." 

He was dismayed when Hala completely tore that notion apart. "There's a difference between inspiring loyalty through example and inspiring it through intimidation." And so Guzma's hardest lesson started. He needed to becomes less boss, and more teacher. 

It's not something that really clicks for him until Hala starts having him mentor a few local kids from the town. Parents were hesitant, but they trusted Hala, and so Guzma's training now included he himself training others. Three to be exact, two boys and a girl who'd just turned 10 and would be leaving on their own pokemon journeys as soon as the league was fully setup and open. In the meantime, they had been given their starter pokemon, and were sent to work with Hala and Guzma. 

It was awkward at first. What did he know about kids? To top it off, they were clearly scared of him. They didn't warm up to him until a few days in, when Golisopod suddenly tackled him to the ground and began affectionately nuzzling at his face as he yelled at it to get off. The kids couldn't stop laughing, and the ice was finally broken. 

But the real watershed moment came when he took the three of them out to learn to catch Pokemon. It was a bit of a rough day. One kid thought he was simply supposed to tackle pokemon to catch them, and the other boy would burst into tears every time the pokemon he was trying to catch would break free of the pokeball he threw. The girl was shy and quiet, which had the tendency to create it's own problems. She was afraid most everything it seemed, even throwing a pokeball as she thought it might hurt the pokemon. It was a long and trying day for Guzma. 

He squatted behind the boy who liked to tackle things, talking him through an encounter with a Yungoos. "Ok, good. Now, just weaken it a little more."

The kid sent his Litten to tackle the wild Pokemon.

"Alright. Now's the time. Throw a ball."

The kid reeled back and chucked the pokeball with all of the might his little arm could muster. It hit the Yungoos and the pokemon disappeared inside, and the ball shook, as they waited tensely. 

One shake. 

Two shakes. 

A third, and the ball goes still. The pokemon was caught!

Guzma leapt up from his squat. "Fu- heck yeah!" 

The kid jumped up and down, hooting and hollering in celebration. Then he turned, and excitedly hugged Guzma. 

Guzma froze, raising his arms in surprise. Then he smiled, and patted the kid on the back saying, "Yeah, yeah, alright, kid. Go get your Pokemon."

The other two kids came running over then. "Mr Guzma, we caught something! Look! Show him! Show him!" The boy who had been crying earlier yelled to the shy girl. 

She fumbled with a pokeball and out came a Ledyba. "It's a bug type," she says quietly. "Just like you have."

"Sure is, kid!" Guzma beams at her. "Great job!" 

The girl smiles at the praise. 

"I'm gonna come back later," says crying kid. "I'm gonna come back at night."

"Why's that?" Guzma asked. 

"I wanna catch a Spinarak! And one day, it'll be an Ariados. Like yours!"

Guzma scratches at his undercut, feeling touched that these kids would idolize him even in the slightest. He also felt... proud of them. They had started out knowing absolutely nothing. But here they were learning, improving, and catching pokemon all because of what he'd shown them. Maybe there was something to be said for guidance over intimidation. 

"Hey," he tells them. "You kids want malasadas?" 

They cheer, and Guzma leads them off towards dessert for a job well done. 

The flame inside him that had started off as nothing more than a lit matchstick had grown. Every laugh, every touch, every morning waking up with her was tinder for it. Every word of praise from Hala fanned it. Every visit from Plumes and every time those three kids succeeded made it burn brighter. It warded off the shadows of doubt that had once controlled him. There was nothing he'd ever let put it out again. 

 

Almost nothing. 

He'd got back from training to find that she wasn't there. Well, that wasn't that unusual. Sometimes he got back first, and sometimes she did. So he waited. And waited. Now it's about an hour and a half past the time she's usually home. There's no answer when he calls her phone. He paces a bit, rubbing the back of his head, wondering if it's too early to panic yet. 

When it's now become two hours and there's still no sign or call from her, he knows something is wrong. It's almost palpable. But, what to do? The last place she would have been is Mount Lanakila. He had to get there - fast. But how? He had no ride pager. Who did? Who would help him? Hala. He throws his jacket back on and takes off back towards Iki town.

He pounds on Hala's door, now sweating and breathing heavy, but there's no answer and the house is dark. No one's home. Who next? He could call Plumeria, but she had borrowed her ride pager from Nanu to make her visits to him. He wasn't sure she could get it from him again at a moment's notice. Which leaves... Kukui? 

Groaning at the wasted time and additional distance to run, he sets off for Kukui's lab. 

He knocks on the door, then bends over, panting, with his hands on his knees. 

Kukui slowly opens the door. "Hey, cousin," he says apprehensively.

Guzma makes motions with his hands, but he's unable to talk, still catching his breath.

"Guzma is this - is this about my decision on you being a gym leader?"

His eyes widen and he manages to pant out, "What?!"

"I already explained to her that I just don't think it's a good fit. I know you've been working hard, but-"

He stops as Guzma falls to a sitting position on his porch. He just couldn't keep standing. Not in that moment. It was too much bad news all at once. It feels as if his heart itself has dropped into his stomach and is dissolving. Had it really all been for nothing? Was he really back to square one? Was this it? No. It's not ending this way. None of it. He gets to his feet, catching his breath and trying to compose himself. 

"I don't think I can... change my mind on this one," Kukui says slowly. He seems as if he's expecting a blowout argument. He looks at Guzma uneasily, like he's unpredictable. 

Maybe Guzma would have been at one point. Maybe he would have started ranting and raving right there outside Kukui's house. But not now. "This isn't -this isn't about that," he tells the professor. "She never came home today."

Kukui eyebrows furrow. "I just saw her not too long ago. Maybe she had some things to take care of?"

Guzma shakes his head. "No, somethings wrong. You saw her on Mount Lanakila, right? Where's your ride pager? I need to go!"

Kukui blinks at him like he's not sure what to think. Did he really still distrust him that much? Then again, it wasn't like Guzma was around him often. What reason did he have to trust him? 

And now there is a choice to make. He can see past Kukui and see the ride pager sitting on a table behind him. He's got to either convince him to move, or force him. He looks his childhood friend in the eye. "Kukui, please."

There's a tense pause between them, and then Kukui moves, letting Guzma inside. 

He runs to the pager and grabs it, breathing a sigh of relief. He turns and leaves, pressing the button and addressing the professor. "I'm gonna do whatever it takes to change your mind." 

Kukui leans on the door frame. "You want this that bad, huh cousin? It's not going to be easy. There's still a lot in your way here."

"Yeah, well," he can see a Charizard descending, silhouetted in the night sky. "Maybe the roadblocks aren't there to stop you, maybe they're there for you to prove how bad you want it." 

Kukui smiles. "Go find her. Make sure she's ok. Then we'll talk." 

Guzma nods, and the Charizard takes off in the direction Mount Lanakila. 

~~~

It's been hours now. Your voice is horse from shouting. When the snow died down a bit, you could see the side of the league building, and the ledge you fell from. You really hadn't fallen all that far. But far enough. If anyone had been outside the building, they couldn't hear you. None of the Pokemon you had with you were capable of flight or climbing up the side of the mountain. Your Incineroar had tried and failed. The ice, snow, and steepness of the cliff had been too much for the fire type. You kept them all in their pokeballs now, and close to you, hoping that warmth would be enough. But you had no ball for the Charizard. 

You tied a piece of fabric ripped from your bag around your leg and it seems to have stopped the gash from bleeding. You spent the time looking around and wracking your brain for ways of getting out of this mess, but every idea, every attempt was a dead end. And it was so cold. You weren't dressed for this. The only thing keeping you from freezing is the injured Charizard that had kept itself wrapped around you. You notice, with distress, that the flame on the end of its tail is getting smaller and smaller as time goes on. What happens if it goes out? 

You feel so guilty. You had been in such an angry, rash rush to leave, and now both you and this pokemon might die out here. The sun has set, making it even colder. How much longer could you last? How much longer could the Charizard last? It seemed to be getting weaker. If it dies, it'll be completely your fault. You hug it by its neck, holding it close to you and sob. It gives a low, weak grumble, trying to comfort you. 

You know Guzma must have noticed how late you are by now, but he has no ride pager to get to you. He doesn't have many people to go to for help, but you're hoping either Hala or Kukui will come through. You're hoping something comes through. Anything. 

The Charizard lowers it's head onto your lap now, no longer able to hold it up. Its so weak, and the flame on its tail is so small. 

You check your phone for the millionth time, hoping by some miracle that it's regained signal. But not only has that not happened, now the phone is dead. You get out the ride pager and press it again, jamming the button down as hard as you can. Nothing. You throw it away from you in frustration. 

The Charizard groans weakly. You can barely feel the rumble in the chest behind you. This isn't looking good. It wasn't made to withstand this kind of environment. "Please, please hold on," you plead with the pokemon, and with the world itself. 

There's a whisper of smoke as the tiny flame on the end of its tail extinguishes. The Charizard gives a small sigh, and then it's gone. 

You collapse into it sobbing with guilt and fear as you sit cold and alone on the mountainside. 

~~~

When Guzma lands at the top of the mountain, it's dark and quiet, and there's no one around. He tells the ride Charizard to stay, that he might need it again soon, and then goes toward the building. He knocks, but there's no answer. There's no lights from inside. Everyone has left for the day. Maybe there's something outside here to clue him in? he has nothing else to go on. 

He begins searching around in the dark, for something, anything, that might give him a direction to go in. But there's fresh snow all around from an earlier snow storm. Any tracks she would have left behind have been covered up. 

The Charizard notices him looking around and squinting into the darkness and decides to be his torch. The two of them investigate, Charizard lighting the way, and occasionally gently blasting away ice and snow. 

He's nearly about to consider the mountaintop a dead end, when he sees it. Blood is smeared all over a jagged rock at the cliff edge. He goes over to it and inspects it. The streak of red seems to be going over the side. He panics, and scrambles past the rock, looking over the edge and into the darkness below, but he cant see anything. He beckons the Charizard over, and by its flames he can finally make out the scene beneath him. 

She's there, on a surface jutting out from the mountain. She's leaning on a Charizard that's wrapped around her. The flame on its tail is out and she is unconscious... or worse.

He yells her name, but there's no response. He quickly gets a pokeball out of his jacket and calls out his Ariados. He has the pokemon carefully lower him down the mountainside by its webbing. 

The snow crunches under his feet as he lands. He can see her face flickering in the Charizard's flames up above. It's completely still. He runs over to her, separating her from the cold and lifeless pokemon she was against. All he can think, is a steady stream of "please please please please."

He holds her in his arms, brushing hair out of her face. She's so cold. He says her name. No response. Please, please, she can't be gone. He can't handle that. Everything in his chest feels like it's sinking down. The flame inside is dimming. Was he too late? 

Her eyes flutter open. "Guzma?" she says. 

He nearly lets out a sob in response. 

She weakly hugs herself to him and he latches his arms around her back. 

"Guess you were the one to find me this time," she whispers. 

He can't do anything besides laugh a bit, tears of relief sliding down his face. 

He carries her away from the deceased Charizard, and calls for his Ariados to lower more webbing. He makes sure they're both secure, and the spider pulls them up. 

His ride Charizard gets as low to ground as it can, trying to help him onto its back with her in tow. 

They fly back to Melemele. She'll need a hospital visit. 

"I'm sorry," she says as he holds tight to her. 

"Hey, hey, no apologies."

"No, you don't understand. Kukui-"

"Yeah, I know," he sighs.

"I'm sorry," she says again. 

"Don't worry about that ok. Let's just get you back."

She looks him in the eye. "Thank you."

He smiles down at her. "Hey your boy's got you. Guess it's my turn to take care of you."


	15. U-turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhh, I spent a couple days hemming and hawing about what should be in the chapter, but then I sorta realized I kinda just want more fluff. So this chapter may wind up being a lot of that. The last half anyway. We'll see. As I said before, things are less planned out now, so it's a matter of figuring out how the dots connect until the end. 
> 
> Thank you for comments and kudos! Haha I was honestly a little surprised by people's reaction to the charizard not making it. 
> 
> In the interest of fluff, the songs I'm listening to while writing are... lmao In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel and Terrified by Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi. Aaaaand some Lay It All On Me by Rudimental and Ed Sheeran.
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day!

They land outside the hospital in Hau'oli city. It's dark, but there's lights cast around from the building itself, as well as from ambulances and street lights. The new brightness lets him see her more clearly. She's very pale, especially her lips. They look almost blue. She'd shivered uncontrollably for nearly the entire ride there. He'd wrapped his jacket around her, but it didn't seem to help much. The wind on the way there was fierce. There's also a pretty bad gash on her leg in addition to numerous cuts and bruises. She's awake, but just barely. 

He carefully dismounts the Charizard, which isn't an easy task while carrying her. Someone inside must have noticed their arrival and the state she's in because there's already two people rushing towards them with a gurney. He's standing there, holding her, looking at her pale face, and feeling paralyzed when they take her from him and begin asking him questions. He gives them the best answers he can through the haze filling his head, and then they're wheeling her away. He stays put, watching her go, as lights flash across his face and the Charizard behind him takes off. 

He stays there a few moments longer, just dimly staring at the doors she's disappeared behind, then he shakes himself out of it starts making his way back toward the apartment. They'd taken his number, saying she'd almost certainly be kept overnight for the hypothermia. Given that it was almost after hours and he wasn't family to her, he also wouldn't be allowed back to see her anytime tonight. So his best bet was to go home and wait for a call. 

He's in such a daze that he's walking back to the apartment on autopilot. It's like his brain is unwilling to process all that's happened. Seeing her face and they way it looked in the lights shining from the hospital has brought everything in his mind to a screeching halt, and he's still waiting for it all to catch up. He wonders if he should have stayed and fought more. If he should have stayed in the hospital waiting room overnight. But he's so stunned that all he could do was follow orders. All he can see, even as he stares at the street on the way home, is her face. 

He's still staring at the ground when two feet standing in his way make him look up. Another shock he's not prepared for. "Mom?" She's standing there, looking at him with a mixture of concern and relief. He notices that she seems to be wearing business attire; dress pants, and a nice blouse. Had she gotten a job? She hadn't worked since he was a kid. 

His mother moves forward, and hugs him. "Guzma, oh my god." 

He embraces her back. "Mom what are you doing out here?"

"I'm just... on my way back home," she says as they break apart. 

"But this isn't - this isn't the way back to the house."

She looks away a moment, as if she's trying to figure out the best way to arrange her next words, and then looks back at him. "I'm staying with my sister for now. I started working at the tourist bureau."

"And dad?"

"I'm not - I'm not with your father right now." 

Guzma lets out a sigh. One of relief, he's pretty sure, but still, what a dramatic night. "That's, uh, that's actually good to hear."

"Guzma, listen, I am... so sorry. More than I have time to explain right now."

He rubs his undercut. "It's ok."

"No, it's not. Not at all. I should have left a long time ago."

Guzma can't think of anything to do or say. He just shrugs. 

She gives a small smile at him. "Word gets around about you, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, a lot of bad." 

"No, not this time. I've heard that - I've heard that you're really turning things around. That you're back to training with Hala. That you've even been helping him train kids and parents are really happy with you."

"Yeah, I've been working on stuff I suppose. This city can't keep its mouth shut, huh?"

Her smile widens more. "And I've heard that you've got yourself a girlfriend. The champion?"

Guzma's eyebrows furrow. "She's not doing so well right now." He explains the situation to her and they talk there on the street for a few moments longer. But as happy as he is to see his mom, he's got so much on his mind and he just wants to get back to the apartment and wait on that phone call. 

She seems to be in a bit of a hurry to get back to her sister's too. She gives Guzma her new phone number, telling him to not hesitate to call if he needs anything and that they will meet up again soon. When they hug goodbye, she tells him, "I am so proud of you. Please keep going in this direction. This is a new start. We've both got a new start." 

"That's the plan," he says and they part ways. It's a strange feeling. His relationship with his mother had always been a bit strained. She spent the majority of his life denying the abuse his father had dealt them, to the point of delusion. She'd always been so under his father's thumb. He had a good deal of bitterness towards her growing up, for not doing more in regards to his dad. Some of that bitterness remains, even now, but to see her away from him, was good. His dad was a lost cause when it came to repairing things, but at least now he seems to have his mom. 

 

And he supposes having one parent he's on ok terms with does take some strain off of him. But as he sits in the quiet, dark apartment alone, it's a different strain that's been put on him. 

Sleep is, of course, absolutely impossible. He lies on the bed, where he can smell her on the pillow. She is the thing largest on his mind, but between her, his mom, and the task of changing Kukui's mind, his head is full to bursting. The loneliness doesn't help. He's never stayed here in the apartment without her before. It puts him in such a sense of unease. Nothing feels right and he suspects it won't until he hears that she's ok. 

When the call finally does come, he's rushing out the door before he's even hung up the phone. Luckily the hospital is only a short walk from the apartment, and he ran nearly the entire way there. When he sees her, he's relieved to see so much of the color returned to her face. She looks better, but she's definitely weakened from the experience. She's limping a bit as her leg had required some stitches and it's still sore to walk on. When they leave, she's got his jacket thrown around her shoulders and over that, his arm is protectively around her. He still had Kukui's ride pager, but they decide to call a cab so she doesn't have to deal with climbing up on a Charizard. 

In the back of the cab, he can't stop staring at her. He's trying to replace the image of her cold face and blue lips with the one he sees now. One that, while exhausted, has so much more life. 

"What?" she asks him when she notices that his eyes haven't left her. 

He's got one of her hands in both of his and he gives it a tiny squeeze. "Just glad to have you back."

She gives him a small laugh in response and squeezes his hand back. 

After the ride, he helps her into the apartment and she collapses onto the couch. He sits down next to her, still carefully watching her. 

She meets his overattentive gaze, sighs, and leans into him. "I'm not gonna shatter, you know?"

"Gotta make sure." He wraps an arm around her and kisses the top of her head.

"I'll be ok. Just need a couple days." 

"Well whatever you need until then, I gotcha. I'm not- I haven't ever... taken care of someone before, not really, but I'll do my best." And it's true. Even within Team Skull, Plumes was the one to enforce things, to see to sick grunts, to really run things. She deserved far more credit than she ever got. Best he'd ever taken care of before was his pokemon when they were sick or injured, and even then, that was just until he got them to a pokemon center. This would be another bit of new territory for him. But considering the ways in which she'd cared for him, he would happily return the favor. 

"Thanks, for being around, and uh, you know, sorta saving my life and all." 

He smiles a bit. He hadn't really thought of it like that, even though it was obvious. "You know your boy couldn't let you go out like that." He feels her shoulders sag under his arm and he looks down at her questioningly. 

"That Charizard... it died because of me." Her voice cracks and tears have pooled in her eyes. 

"Hey, it was an accident!" he tried to reassure her. 

"No, I didn't have to rush out of there like that. The guards told me to wait for the weather to get better but I just -" she sobs into his side, her shoulders shaking. 

He holds her, realizing now the guilt she probably feels over the fallen pokemon. He understands, as he's no stranger to rash decisions. But guilt is not always an easy thing to assuage. He lets her continue to cry for a while, as he tries to find the best words to say. 

But maybe it's more than the Charizard. Maybe it's that near death experience too. True, her hypothermia had been more moderate than severe, but how much worse could it have gotten over the course of the night? What is it like to know you could have died? What's it like to have something as big and imposing as a Charizard die right next to you? Then add feeling responsible for its death on top of that? That can't be a light weight to bear. So he waits, as she had done for him, as she continues to cling to him, his shirt becoming damp with tears. He holds her to him, his arm around her back and hand in her hair. Maybe some things needed to just be released more than they needed words. 

When her breathing slows and the sobs stop, she leans back against the couch. 

He moves toward her, holding her face in his hand and wiping away a tear. He looks her in the eye and says, "Hey, listen, you couldn't have known what would happen. This isn't your fault."

She looks away from him. "I was... in a hurry to leave after talking to Kukui."

"I figured so," he says feeling a slight twinge of guilt himself that the reason she'd been upset and wanting to get off the mountain was over something concerning him. 

"I should have - I should have talked to him so much sooner. But I just - I was worried he'd say no and - and so I just kept putting it off. Then he said no anyway. I'm sorry, Guzma." 

She's really wrapped up in her guilt over all of this. He tucks her hair behind her ear. "I think sometimes things just happen, you know? You can't change it now, so there's no point in beating yourself up about it. So don't. It's ok. Let me handle Kukui, ok?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'll change his mind." 

"But how?"

"Well... I don't know yet. But I'm not giving up that easily. I'll figure it out." He gives her his best reassuring smile. "Don't sweat it, ok?"

She looks away and nods, her eyebrows still knit together.

It's then he notices she's had his jacket clutched under one of her arms nearly this entire time. He can't help but laugh a bit. "You're gonna hold onto that while you've got the real thing right here?"

Her cheeks flush a little as she lays it in her lap. "I may or may not have slept with it last night in the hospital when they let me have it back. It, well, it smells like you." 

He smirks. "Missed you last night too." 

"Yeah you don't look like you slept much." 

He runs a hand down his tired face. "I didn't sleep at all."

"You were that concerned, huh?" 

"Yeah, well, I-" He takes her hand then, frowning a bit in concentration. How to put this? 

She's looking at him confused now. 

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I just - Things have changed so much for me since you came back into the picture. Who knows what I'd be doing without you. I just feel really lucky to have landed here with you and I can't stand the thought of losing you. I-" He swallows nervously before saying his next words, hoping they aren't too soon to say. How long had it been? How soon is too soon? But he was sure of it, especially after this incident and he just needed her to understand; needed her to know. "I love you." 

She looks taken aback for a moment. Her tired eyes are wide and her face is damn near unreadable. He's beginning to think he may have made a mistake, when her face splits into a grin. "I love you too, bug boy." 

Chuckling in relief and happiness, he moves toward her, cupping her face, and kisses her. She wraps her arms around his neck and runs her fingers into his hair. They both smile into the kiss, and he's doing his best to commit to memory this feeling of elation. If nothing else went right - if he never got that gym leader position, if he's never able to help the grunts, if he never earns back the city's respect, if he never moves beyond his past - at least there is this. He presses his forehead into hers, their noses touching. The flame in his chest burns brighter than it ever has. 

She breaks apart from him, leaning back into the couch, and looking very exhausted. He supposed she hadn't gotten much sleep in the hospital. He yawns, and so does she. "How bout a nap?" he asks. 

She nods lazily so he helps her up from the couch and they make their way towards the bedroom. 

She still seems sensitive to cold, so he hugs her close to him. He's wrapped around her and at ease for the first time since he realized she was missing yesterday. They're both overtired and fall asleep quickly.

~~~

Given the circumstances, neither of you return to work or training for a couple days. You're just happy for the opportunity to laze around with him. It really didn't take too terribly long for you to start feeling better, especially after being able to get a decent amount of sleep. The stitched up gash on your leg was worse in some ways. 

Guzma had been doing his best to clumsily, but enthusiastically take care of you. He often forgot about your leg, touching it and accidentally bothering the painful skin, following it up with "Oh shit! Sorry!" Still, it was... interesting and kinda cute to see him so concerned. Despite your mild protests, he insisted on getting everything for you so you didn't get up too often. 

He told you that he loves you, which was both good and very unexpected. You felt the same way, but you never imagined he'd be the first one to say it. He'd been fairly emotionally reserved before. But in the time you've been together, he's been coming more and more out of his shell, so maybe it shouldn't be that surprising. Even though there was still a fair amount not going his way, he seems pretty determined and even happy. He's become sillier in some ways; he seems to be willing to do whatever he can to make you laugh, including things like sticking straws up his nose or seeing how many spoons he can make stick to his face. It's ridiculous, but his newfound joy is infectious and you can't help but reward his antics with laughter. He's come a long way from destruction in human form. 

When he told you about running into his mother, you were immediately on high alert. This was an area that he hadn't discussed much, but given his relationship with his father, you were ready to hear the worst. But instead, this seems to have been a good thing. He tells you that she's left his father and she's even been talking with Guzma. This seems like at least one parental relationship that will be on the mend. He seems happy to have another member on Team Guzma. You're just happy to see him happy. 

You still feel a lot of guilt over the Charizard. No matter how much Guzma assured you that it wasn't your fault, the memory of it suddenly becoming lifeless in your arms haunts you. Guzma tries to distract you from these thoughts with only moderate success. You don't think even the guilt from throwing a battle as the Kanto champion could measure up to this. You'd be living with this for a while. 

You were returning to taking challengers tomorrow, but you'd successfully convinced Kukui to put interviews on hold for now - a good sign. But for today, you and Guzma were both on the couch watching a movie. It's raining outside, and you're laid out with your head on his lap, mirroring the way he'd laid on yours before. He's absentmindedly running his fingers through your hair, and you're growing bored with the movie. You decide you're well enough to have some fun. 

You sit up, and then climb over his lap, straddling him. He looks a little shocked as you take his hands and place them on your ass before moving in to kiss him, but he quickly gets very into grabbing your ass and moving his tongue into your mouth. 

You break away from his mouth and begin kissing and sucking on his neck as he runs his hands up your sides. The sound of his breathing becoming a little harsher brings a heat between your legs. You bite at his earlobe, which makes him give a short laugh and pull you to him. "You sure you're up for this?" he asks. 

You respond by removing your top, and then unhooking your bra. You pull his face close to your chest. 

"Hey, well, ok then," he says before running his hands along your bare back kissing your breasts. He licks a nipple and then begins sucking on it and you sigh, placing your hands in his soft, white hair. You grind your hips down as hard as you can over the growing hardness in his pants. He grabs you, and lays you down on the couch, gently pinning your arms above your head as he continues to suck and lick at your nipples, making you quietly moan and close your eyes. 

He continues this for a bit before releasing your arms. He runs his hands down your legs, preparing to bring them up around his waist, but he hits the stitches and you yelp and wince. "Shit, shit, sorry," he says immediately removing his hands and looking at your face, concerned. 

Unwilling to let the moment be ruined, you pull him down into a deep kiss, shoving your tongue in his mouth until he responds back as vigorously. You push on him gently, continuing to keep your mouth on his, so that he sits up. You get up from the couch, and lead him to the bedroom. 

He looks pleasantly surprised again when you begin pushing him back toward the bed, climbing over him when he falls back on it. You pull his shirt over his head, and he chuckles as you begin kissing and licking down his chest, your hands running through the hair you find there. You move your hand lower, following the bit of a happy trail he's got disappearing into his pants. Your hand goes under the waistband of his pants and underwear, and wraps around his hard dick making him gasp a bit before hastily removing both garments. 

You pump your hand up and down a while, and you're about to move yourself lower to use your mouth when he stops you and flips you over onto your back again. He grins as he moves over you. "Hey, hey, I'm the one taking care of you, remember?" 

"And what did you have in mind?" 

He begins unbuttoning your pants and pulling them and your panties off. "What do you want?"

You laugh a bit suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed. "I - I dunno."

He runs a hand up your uninjured leg and begins rubbing between them, fingers roving in the wetness that's collected there. "Oh come on," he says finding your clit.

Your breath hitches. "I mean, this - this is working." 

He begins to finger you in earnest, leaning over and kissing you so that you moan into his mouth. He starts with just one finger, and when you're slick enough, he adds another. 

He moves his other hand to one of your nipples, rubbing it with rough fingers as he picks up the pace, making you pant his name and push your hips up into his hand. 

"That's what i like to hear!" he says. His fingers curl a bit and then he's hitting a spot within you that's quickly bringing you to the edge. Your hands are grabbing at the bed sheets and he seems to be greatly enjoying watching you come undone. 

You come, panting out his name again and he's grinning from ear to ear. "Guess that was alright?" he says. 

You're still breathing heavy, but you raise your hand and tilt it back and forth doing the so-so motion. 

"Hey!" he says giving you a jokingly hurt look. 

You laugh, pull him towards you and kiss him. "That was great," you fix him with the dirtiest look you can. "Now fuck me."

"Only if you call me bug boy."

This ruins any ability you had to hold that dirty look. "What?!"

He laughs, "I'm waitin"

"Yeah, ok, fuck me, bug boy."

He moves between your legs, leaning over to kiss you. "You got it." 

He slides in easily, as you're already very wet and have already come once. He moves one of your legs around his waist, and then gingerly takes the one with the stitches and places it around him too. His breathing becomes labored as he moves in and out of you. He leans over you and bites your neck. 

You rut your hips up into his, one hand in his hair, and the other clinging to his back. You moan, and he picks up the pace, roughly thrusting into you as far and hard as he can. 

"Sh- shit" he stutters out as he comes. He stays there between your legs for a bit until his breathing becomes more even, then he kisses you before, rolling off to lay next to you. "You didn't come again did you?"

"Nah, but I'm fine. That was great anyway." 

He rises up on his elbows, looking at you. "You sure?"

You laugh a bit. "It's all good, bug boy." 

He sighs, and collapses back on the bed, exhausted. 

You lay on him, your hand resting on his still slightly heaving chest. "Hey, thanks for being such good company while I recovered. It was kinda cute. You trying to take care of me." 

"Cute, cute, everything's always cute with you. I'm still destruction in human form I'll have you know." 

"Oh, yeah, sure, of course," you say sarcastically. 

He huffs. 

You raise your head to look at him. "Hey, love you," you say, making this the first time you've said it first. 

He kisses you. "Love you too."


	16. Attack Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been out of town for a bit, hence the delay. But, we're back in business! Also had to get through a bit of a writers block, but I think I've got it now. Basically, this is the second to last chapter. Don't fret though! One more chapter after this and I've got an epilogue chapter planned too. And after that? Hey, stay tuned, because just between you and me, my next fic idea is a Beauty and the Beast reader/Guzma AU. 
> 
> Thank you as always for the kudos and comments! They keep me going. 
> 
> Listening to Call on Me (Ryan Riback remix) by Starley which is my current earworm, and also honestly just an overall good song for this fic I think.

Guzma did not realize just how much control some of his past demons had on him until their voices got smaller and quieter. These voices were that of his dad mostly, and that of Lusamine occasionally too. They were both people who's approval he wanted, and in seeking that approval, he'd allowed his own voice to be quieted in favor of listening to them. His every action subconsciously became viewed through the lens of, "What would he say about this? What would she think of that?" And the answers to those hypothetical questions were never good. It was as if they were still rejecting or disapproving of him even without being there. 

It doesn't happen instantaneously, but he realizes that he's starting to disregard these ghosts that seem to linger in his subconscious. As time went on, he realized their approval or disapproval didn't matter. He always imagined there would be some kind of closure that would eventually occur with each of them. Something more that would happen then what he got. He'd even spent countless hours having imaginary, angry conversations with them, planning out how this might go, particularly with his dad.

But maybe that didn't need to be. Maybe the resolution had to happen within him. 

It's also a little frustrating to realize that these epiphanies had to occur multiple times; that it wasn't something that was once and done. He'd feel almost at peace with things sometimes; feel like he was moving on, only to have something happen that made him remember some incident and he'd become angry again. But, he was pleased to note that these times were becoming more infrequent and his times of anger were becoming less prolonged. He was trying his best to follow Hala's advice of being patient with himself and forgiving himself. For Guzma this was sometimes impossible, but sometimes he was rewarded for his efforts. And it felt like he'd put down a weight he didn't know he was carrying when he was no longer waiting on some final confrontation that would resolve everything, like he'd been hoping for. Without this weight, he was lighter not only during the day, but at night as well. The nightmares had been infrequent for a while, but now they've all but stopped. 

It's not really letting go or forgiving. It was more like... coping. It's finally listening to his own voice rather than the ones imposed on him. And this is freeing. He feels like there's room now for more joyous things. Room to be silly, room to laugh and stand tall. Room to grow and figure out who he is without all that had held him back before. And, of course, room to truly care for someone else. 

It's different with her. Especially now that any fear of rejection has been tossed aside. She's become more than just the girl who's couch he was crashing on and a friendship he was secretly hoping would become more. She's more than just a relationship. She's home now. And she'd be home even if nothing else worked out. 

Of course, this didn't stop him from being nervous with the current situation. 

In lieu of an interview, like the other potential gym leaders had, there was a meeting to discuss him and decide whether he could have his chance, or not. This meeting was between him, Kukui, the elite four, and the champion. 

It had been a bit heated at some points. Guzma had found himself answering for some things he wasn't totally prepared for. Things like how he felt about what had become of Po Town, questions about the Aether Foundation, explaining why he and Team Skull had done things like steal pokemon, etc. He knew his task was convincing them. Showing them that he had changed, and he was capable of being a great gym leader if only given the chance. He did his best, but he wasn't sure it was enough. Once again, he found himself wishing he could change his past. 

But the meeting was over now, and they're discussing the options without him. He had his time to state his case, and now they had to come to a decision. He sits on the ground outside the room in the Pokemon League building on Mount Lanakila, with his knees pulled to his chest and a hand rubbing at his undercut. This is the smallest he's felt in a while. Yes, ultimately things will be ok if they don't let him have a shot, but good god did he want it. And it sure would still hurt to be denied it. 

He had tried for a while to listen to the conversations happening in the room, but it was too muffled to make anything out. Of course, she would be in favor of him, as would Hala, and he suspected Acerola too. Even Kukui seems to have come around more since the night he'd rushed to his house to take his ride pager. But Olivia and Kahili seemed so suspicious of him. He wasn't sure he had really said enough to convince them. 

As the minuets draw on, he becomes more and more anxious. He knows that it hasn't been that long, but it feels like forever. When that door opens, he'd find out if everything he'd done up until this point was in vain or not. Well, at least in vain with this goal in mind. What would he do for a new goal? What else was there for him to do? 

His legs get sore, so he changes how he's sitting. He feels like a kid waiting outside the principals office. He sighs and lays his head against the wall, willing his nerves to calm. 

Then, the door finally opens. He gets to his feet, and it's her who's standing in the doorway. They lock eyes, and she says nothing. He fears the worst, but then her face lights up and she nods at him. He would have his chance. 

He whoops in victory and lifts her off the ground, spinning in the hallway, making her laugh. 

When he sets her down, she says, "Now all you gotta do is make it through the gym leader trial." 

He smirks. "Hey, no problem! How bad could it be?"

 

And that was how he found himself there on the day of the trial with seven other potential gym leaders. Should they all pass, this was it. The eight of them would comprise the gym leaders for Alola. He looked around at them. Half were trial captains, and he felt a pang of envy that not only were they likely to become gym leaders, they also achieved what he couldn't in having been captains - a former dream of his. 

Guzma would be a bug type leader. Plumeria, who's standing next to him looking very pleased and excited would be poison. Ilima would be normal, Lana - water, Kiawe - fire, Mallow - grass, and then there were the last two, who were a bit of a surprise. There was Molayne, a former trial captain and a childhood friend he hadn't talked to in a long time who uses steel pokemon. And the last he is happy to find is Gladion who had decided to specialize in dark types. Guzma didn't interact with the kid too much, but he had a soft spot for him because Gladion reminded him of himself in some ways. This was why he had allowed him to join Team Skull. 

All of them stand there now on Mahalo Trail, waiting for the trail to begin. Guzma remembered her saying that they needed to be tested in both their proficiency with their chosen type, and their ability to lead. What would they have them do that would test both of those things? 

It's then that he sees Kukui and Hala walking towards them with... a bunch of kids? Behind them trailed a pack of kids all of whom seemed to be around 10, including - 

"Hey hey!" Guzma yelled to the three kids Hala had been having him train. Both boys and the girl lit up at seeing him. They ran toward him, hugging him, and he awkwardly patted their backs in response, noticing the surprised looks from those around him. Guess no one thought big bad Guzma would be good with kids. 

"Well," says, Kukui who also looks taken aback, "looks like you've already got your three." 

Each potential gym leader was assigned three kids to lead. Most of their challengers after all would be kids around this age, so this made sense. Faces at this announcement ranged from pleased to dismayed. Guzma couldn't help but laugh a bit at the mixture of shock and horror that was on Gladion's face. He was the youngest potential gym leader, and not even much older than the kids he was leading. This would be toughest for him. 

Each team consisting of three kids and a gym leader would be sent to a different part of the island, where a challenge designed specifically for them would commence. Not only did they have to get through these challenges themselves using only pokemon of their chosen type, they had to get the kids through with them. They had been instructed to bring their three weakest pokemon to battle with, and this, it was now revealed, would be so that they'd have to rely on the kids they were leading.

Guzma, luckily, or perhaps unluckily was assigned to where they already were - Mahalo Trail, where he knew the biggest challenge for his bug types would be flying types like Spearow that favored the location. 

Kukui came towards him carrying a clipboard, a wide smile plastered on his ever-enthusiastic face. "I'll be monitoring you, cousin," he tells Guzma. 

Guzma rolls his eyes, but smiles at the professor. Sure, Kukui may have been the one to initially turn him down for this position, but he was also grateful that he'd changed his mind on Guzma as much as he had. It felt nice to have people actually take note of the ways he's improved. 

Guzma, Kukui, and the three kids move towards a newly rebuilt bridge on the trail. Above it, Spearow circle. There's what looks to be agility equipment for pokemon both before and beyond the bridge. The challenge is this: Guzma has to get his three weakest bug types through the course while also instructing the kids with their pokemon to ward off wild ones from attacking. This was the first of a few trials and there would be a lot going on at once. 

Guzma rubbed the back of his head nervously as he dug into his hoodie pocket to get out three pokeballs. Out came a Dewpider, a Cutiefly, and a Caterpie. All very under level and none that would withstand a Spearow attack. The birds were already starting to circle lower. He swallowed, hoping the kids had caught more pokemon since he last saw them. After all, they had mostly caught bug types to emulate him. 

He instructed them each to get out their first pokemon. The girl, Kristi, had an Oricorio. The overexcited boy who tackled things, Adam, had a Corsola, and the other boy, Sean, had a Growlithe. Guzma smiled. Ok, well, this was better than he expected. True, maybe not the best, and these pokemon were all clearly newly caught and low level... but it was probably enough to at least take on Spearow. 

"Alright," he mumbled under his breath to himself, trying to decide the best way to go about this. He thought for a moment, then turned to the kids. "Listen up! Here's how we're gonna do this. I'm gonna lead my bugs through. While I'm doing that, each of you will guard one of my pokemon with your pokemon. Oricorio will guard Cutiefly, Corsola will guard Caterpie, and Growlithe's got Dewpider. Got it?"

The kids cheered in response. They were clearly very hyped to help Guzma get through these trials. He felt touched that they were this ready to help him. 

"Now be prepared to have your pokemon attack. They're your pokemon, so I can't control them. Spearow are vicious and fierce, and they sure like to feed on bugs. Stay on your toes. Ready? Let's go." 

Guzma cautiously approached the first obstacle, his three bugs in a line beside him, and around them the kids and their pokemon. This first obstacle was a set of weaving poles. 

He motions for his pokemon to begin weaving through them. The birds silently fly even lower. Everyone is quiet in their concentration. It's a matter of "when" not "if" the Spearow will attack. His Cutiefly hovers above the other pokemon, zipping through the poles as his Caterpie carefully weaves around each, and his Dewpider skitters between them. 

The shadows of the birds circle on the ground as they progress, and Guzma is starting to sweat. His pokemon can't defend themselves, meaning he's got to put a lot of trust in these kids and their newly caught pokemon. One attack and his pokemon would be out. These kids had to direct their pokemon quickly, and he had to direct them while keeping an eye on his bugs. It's a lot to control at once and the Spearow are so unpredictable. He keeps looking between his pokemon and the birds above them. He tenses, realizing they keep circling lower. They were waiting for the opportune moment to attack. 

His Caterpie notices too, and stops weaving through the poles, cowering as it looks up at the birds. His Dewpider crashes into it, and his Cutiefly pushes ahead, nearly done flying through the obstacle. 

"Hey, little guy, it's ok!" He coaxes, trying to get the pokemon moving again. He beckons it forward with hand motions. Growlithe lets out a low growl. And that's when it happens. 

All of the Spearow cry out at once and begin dive bombing toward his bugs. They're easy prey, and they know it. Guzma yells for his Cutiefly to wait at the end of the poles. Caterpie begins scrambling through them and Dewpider crawls over it and speeds through toward Cutiefly. 

"Get the Spearow!" he yells. 

Growlithe tackles one to the ground at the order of its kid just before the bird reaches Dewpider. Corsola begins spitting streams of water at the birds, unfortunately always narrowly missing them. Oricorio is shielding his Cutiefly from peck attacks and taking heavy damage. They can't keep this up. They needed to move. Now. 

"Let's go!" Guzma yells. "Get your Pokemon to hold off the Spearow! We gotta make it across the bridge!" 

He runs, shielding his face with his arms from a Spearow that's taken an interest in him. His bugs are at his feet, panicked and moving erratically toward the obstacle before the bridge: a chute tunnel. It was open on one end and not the other, meaning the pokemon had to push through the floppy fabric. 

Oricorio is running alongside the bugs, shielding with its pompoms, but it's badly injured. Growlithe and Corsola are blasting fire and water at any Spearow that get too close as they make their mad dash for the bridge. The kids run beside their pokemon, looking panicked. 

Cutiefly zips through the chute, Dewpider skittering after, but Caterpie halts at the dark entrance to the tunnel. 

"Shit!" Guzma curses under his breath. He orders his Dewpider to use spider web on Caterpie and pull it with it. He feels bad for using something forceful on the scared pokemon, but that guilt dissipates when Dewpider tugs Caterpie along with it right as a Spearow's beak is about to close on it. 

Guzma runs to the end of the obstacle, eyes wide, waiting on his pokemon, as the kids' pokemon continue to try to fend off the birds. The three bugs burst through and now it's a panicked run for all of them across the flimsy bridge. Caterpie digs in its little feet at the start of the rope bridge, refusing to move. Dewpider pulls on the string attaching them with all its got. Guzma is frantic as Spearows continue to attack from every direction. 

"Cutiefly! Help Dewpider!"

The tiny bug helps pull on Dewpider until Caterpie loses its footing, launching it forward onto the bridge. Growlithe and its kid leap over them, clearing the way ahead for the bug pokemon. Corsola brings up the rear. Oricorio is near fainting. It's an uncoordinated, frenzied race across the wobbling bridge. Guzma does his best to yell orders above the chaos, as do the kids. 

Halfway there, Oricorio faints, and its trainer carries it the rest of the way. Caterpie, in its panic, falls off the side of the bridge, but is saved by Dewpider's spider web. It's dangling off the edge, and the spider pulls it up just as a Spearow nearly chomps it in half. 

The bridge sways back and forth wildly as they run across, the spearows unrelenting in their attacks. Kristi, carrying her fainted pokemon falls down on the bridge, and Guzma scoops her up as he runs towards her. They are almost to the end of the bridge when a Spearow makes it past Growlithe and is flying straight for his bugs. It plows through them, and Guzma thinks it's all over, but then he sees that the bird only managed to catch and sever Dewpider's spider web. It missed the bugs! 

They've made it! They're on the other side. All they have to do now is make it past a couple more obstacles and get into the Ruins of Conflict to escape the birds. He sets the girl down and the group of trainers and pokemon make their way to the first obstacle. 

They're almost to it when there some kind of loud commotion, almost like an explosion coming from Hau'oli city. It's so loud, sudden, and unexpected that they all stop in their tracks, and the Spearow cease their attacks. When it happens again, the birds get frightened and fly off. 

When they look, Guzma immediately recognizes what it is. A wormhole has opened and is releasing ultra beasts right into the city. 

"Recall your pokemon," he tells the kids. He can see Kukui on the other side of the bridge looking in the direction of the wormhole. He turns and makes a hand motion for Guzma to come back. They dash back across the bridge. 

"Are you seeing this?" Kukui says. 

"We need to get back. Now. It's a wormhole, and what it's sending out? It ain't good," Guzma explains. He feels a spike of panic in his chest remembering she's back in the city right now. 

"Tell me you have your stronger Pokemon with you too." 

"Well, three of em anyway. It'll have to do."

"But the kids?" 

Guzma looks down at the three frightened and confused children. They're wide eyed and Sean looks like he might start crying. He turns back to Kukui. "Can you get them somewhere safe? Maybe try to get in contact with the others on their trials?"

Kukui nods and fumbles in his lab coat pocket. "I was going to give this to you after the trial, but I guess now will have to do." He pulls out a ride pager. "This one will be yours. So you don't have to worry about borrowing anyone's anymore. Thought it might come in handy." He hands it to Guzma. "And I'm sorry, cousin. I'm sorry that I couldn't see sooner how much you've changed."

Guzma takes the ride pager, his face splitting into a grin. To get a pager, you had to either buy it, or have an island trial (or now pokemon league) reason to have it. It wasn't something Guzma was sure he'd ever be able to afford. But Kukui, being a professor, had access to them. He surprises the professor by pulling him into a hug and patting him roughly on the back. "Thanks, cousin," he tells Kukui. He hadn't called him that since they were kids. 

They break apart and Guzma presses the button on the ride pager. Despite the danger he's about to face, he can't help but feel a bit giddy knowing that the Charizard he just called was not from anyone's ride pager, but his. 

He climbs up on the Charizard that lands. "Watch the kids, ok?" he yells after Kukui as the pokemon takes flight toward the city.


	17. Defend Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! Here we are! The final chapter. Sort of. There's gonna be an epilogue too. I'm toying with the idea of one day doing a sorta sequel to this? Maybe. Definitely gotta a couple other fic ideas I wanna do first. You can follow my side blog on Tumblr to ask questions, make suggestions, or just see all the Guzma stuff I reblog. It's Bugaboozma. I'll be keeping the blog updated with future fic too. 
> 
> So yeah! It's all lead to here: The climax of this story. 
> 
> Listening to... truthfully the same song as the last chapter, as originally I had planned for that one and this one to be one chapter, but it was getting kinda long.

When he gets to the city, it's utter chaos. He can see one beast not far from him; Lusamine had called it Pheromosa once. It looks confused and angry. People and pokemon are scrambling to get away from it. Bits of a sidewalk are tore up around it along with an uprooted palm tree and debris from a building. 

The Charizard shoots up back into the sky, clearly not wanting to stick around for this. Guzma is trying to plan out what he should do. What he even could do in this situation. He's wracking his brain for everything he'd learned about ultra beasts from being around Lusamine and the Aether foundation. 

He wonders how she's doing. Is she ok? Should he have gone to the apartment first? 

His racing thoughts halt when the otherworldly bug stops, and looks at him. Now it's moving towards him quickly. There's no mistaking that it's targeting him, but why? 

He takes a couple steps backwards and tosses out Golisopod's pokeball. A memory comes to him. 

"They seem to be attracted to those who have been through a wormhole," Lusamine had said. "They can sense it somehow, like maybe they think that person is the key to getting back home." 

From the look on the Pheromosa's face, if it thought he was a key, it clearly thought it had to break him to use it. Golisopod pushes against the lithe ultra beast with both of its claws, stopping it's pursuit of Guzma. It jumps away from Golisopod hastily, like its disgusted that it was touched. 

What was the plan here? At the very least, its focusing on him and not the locals. He can keep it distracted. He has no beast balls, so he can't catch it. Maybe just defeat it? Could he do that alone? 

There's a strange, but familiar sound overhead; the cry of Tapu Koko. The guardian pokemon plants itself from above between Pheromosa and Golisopod. 

Ok, so maybe he wouldn't be so alone in this. 

Tapu Koko charges into Pheromosa knocking it backwards and into the side of the clothing store. Pheromosa removes itself from the dent its body has created and is running back toward Tapu Koko at a speed that doesn't even seem like it should be possible. It uses what looks like a low kick attack, missing its target and taking out a mailbox. Now, there's a new problem; the two pokemon are fighting fiercely and without regard for anything around them. The tussle back and forth, exchanging blows and attacks, destroying anything in the way. He sends out his last two useful pokemon that he has on him: Ariados and Masquerain and orders them to help protect bystanders from the bits sent flying from the battle. 

Guzma yells for Golisopod to help Tapu Koko. The sooner they take the ultra beast out, the better. Pheromosa is being attacked from two sides now, but it's impossibly fast. Guzma wasn't sure even this would be enough. It uses double kick on Tapu Koko, sending it flying back toward the barber shop, where patrons are evacuating. A piece of rubble dislodges from the roof and it's falling down now right towards one of the fleeing customers. 

Guzma doesn't stop to think, he tackles whoever it is out of the way of the debris, the concrete nearly missing the both of them. They both cough in the dust that's been kicked up. He stands, and reaches his hand out for the person. "You ok?"

And it's the guy she had punched all that time ago. The man who had led an entire angry crowd against him outside the Pokemon Center. Both of them freeze. It's a tense moment, but there's not really time to dwell, as the pokemon are still continuing their path of destruction nearby. "Come on!" Guzma says, moving his outstretched arm closer to him. He stares at it and then looks up at Guzma. He slowly takes his hand, and Guzma pulls him to his feet. 

Neither seems able to find words to break the awkward silence between them. Instead, the man claps Guzma on the shoulder and gives him a meaningful nod, before turning to join the rest of the retreating locals. 

Meanwhile, sidewalk, buildings, cars, benches, and other parts of the city meet grizzly fates as Tapu Koko, Pheromosa, and Golisopod continue their desperate and violent struggle. The ultra beast is just too fast for the other two pokemon. 

Guzma hears yelling behind him and turns to find Hala. 

"What's the plan, old man!" Guzma asks when he reaches the kahuna. 

Hala looks... afraid, which isn't something Guzma has ever associated with him before. "Guzma!" he shouts, making him jump. "My boy it looks like your trial has changed a bit. We need to get these people out of here! Help me direct everyone to Iki Village!"

The two of them go off in different directions, doing their best to send the panicking public toward the quiet town. Guzma dodges out of the way of a bench upended by Pheromosa. He glances around for Golisopod, wanting to make sure it was still alright. It's taken a few hits, but still going strong, as was Tapu Koko. Pheromosa, however, looks miraculously untouched. This wasn't enough. What more could they do?

And then suddenly more pokemon are joining the fight. A Salazzle, Metagross, and Weavile appear beside Golisopod. Their trainers soon stand beside Guzma - Plumeria, Molayne, and Gladion. 

All their pokemon, including Tapu Koko surround Pheromosa. Now that they've got it contained, damage to the city should hopefully be more minimal. There's a pause as Pheromosa slowly turns, taking in the various pokemon that have come to fight it. Then all bets are off when it breaks the stand off with a triple kick. It's attacked from all sides now. With this many attackers, it finally can't keep up. It's a vicious and now mercifully quick battle. The ultra beast faints and goes down. 

Satisfied that its target has been taken down, Tapu Koko flies off.

The potential gym leaders and Hala cautiously approach, and when they're sure it won't rise again, they recall their pokemon. They stand around it's crumpled form now, amazed that something so thin and brittle looking had managed to cause so much damage. What now? 

There's commotion from another part of the city. His heart sinks a bit when he realizes it seems to be coming from near the apartment building. And he remembers: she had been through an ultra wormhole too. The other ultra beast was probably seeking her out. 

"Should we go?" asks Plumeria. 

"Hmm," Molayne shifts. "Well, we can't all leave, in case this one comes to."

Gladion looks angry. "But they clearly need help over there."

"I'm going," Guzma says firmly. "But he's right. The rest of you stay here."

Hala claps him on the shoulder. "Go on then. We'll watch this one."

There's more crashing and banging from the distance, and Guzma takes off, hoping the situation he finds won't be as terrible as he's imagining. 

~~~

You hear cries of shock from outside which makes you pause in the middle of making Tapu Coco. A shadow passes over the window, darkening the inside of the living room. You approach and pull back the curtain. There is, somehow, a wormhole that is temporarily blocking the light. And from this wormhole is unleashed one of the oddest and most disturbing pokemon you've ever seen. It looks like a red, muscular mosquito. It's deposited outside your apartment building and for a moment it does nothing but look around. Then, as people around it scream and run, it seems to grow angry and confused. You watch with horror as it rips a streetlight from the ground and tosses it aside, sending people on the street into an even greater panic. 

It stops and turns, looking up, and you swear that it's fixing its gaze on... you. You become certain that this is the case when it starts scaling the building up toward the window that you had been looking out of. Time to go. 

You grab your pokemon and rush out the door, not even sure what your next move will be. You plead with your own brain to come up with something quick. But what do you do when some otherworldly monster is after you for reasons unknown? The window in the building's hallway grows dark and shatters. There it is. It's a little too big to fit through, so it's stuck in the frame, one thick, muscular arm reaching toward you. The walls around the window creak. 

You can't help the frightened scream that leaves your mouth as it bursts through the wall, now in the hallway with you, the frame of the destroyed window hanging around its neck. 

People are opening their apartment doors. Some slam them closed upon seeing the ultra beast. others run out and push past you, making for the stairs. You're terrified and rooted to the spot as the beast continues toward you. You take a couple steps backward, but trip and fall, landing hard on your bottom. Some of your pokeballs fall out of your jacket pocket and roll away from you. You scramble to grab one and release whoever is inside. 

Your Incineroar appears between you and the beast. "Get it out of the building!" you tell your pokemon. 

Incineroar growls in response, gets low, and runs at the ultra beast, tackling it back out the hole it made in the wall. There's screaming from the street, and you're hoping you made the right call to get it out of the apartment. You get to your feet and make for the stairs, run down the hallway of the first floor and throw the door open to emerge in the chaos outside. People are screaming, frantic, and sprinting away from the ultra beast and your pokemon who are grappling. It throws Incineroar, sending it flying into a parked car. Your pokemon gets back up to continue the fight. 

You get as close as you dare, so you can yell instructions to your pokemon, all the while internally freaking out. What the hell is going on? This was the last thing you expected to happen today. Was Guzma alright? Where on the island had they sent him? What are you going to do about this ultra beast? You had no way of catching it. What about all these people? 

Your head continues to swirl with questions and possibilities. You're still somewhat in shock from your quiet afternoon being interrupted. One moment you silently hoping his Guzma's goes alright and making Tapu Coco because you're thinking of him and now? Now you're watching your city get torn apart by some monster. Your Incineroar continues to struggle. Maybe you should send out other pokemon. You reach into your pockets and are horrified to find there's nothing there. In your panic to get outside you'd left them in the hallway when they'd fallen out of your pockets. Guilt and worry immediately fill your head. Could you risk going back inside for them now? 

Your fears are at least somewhat quelled when you see pokemon joining yours in the fight. Some of them look familiar. There's a Gumshoos, an Araquanid, Marowak, and Tsareena. It's a bit uncoordinated and the approach of more pokemon only seems to anger the ultra beast more. It's an all out five-on-one brawl, and the sole beast is somehow still holding its own against its opponents. 

You wish you were able to contain things a bit as debris and rubble fly around, casualties of the battle. You see the new pokemon's trainers then; they're rushing around, trying to get the cowering public to evacuate to Iki village. You spot Ilima, Kiawe, Lana and Mallow dodging out of the way of the fight and yelling to locals. It's destruction and chaos on the street and you can barely make sense of it all. 

A Golisopod rushes by you and barrels into the ultra beast. A Golisopod? You turn, hopeful and frantic, and there he is; Guzma is running toward you. You sprint to meet him and practically jump on him, relief radiating through you. He holds you close to him and the two of you are a flurry of questions to one another. "Are you ok? What's going on? Is everyone else ok? That's called a what? A Buzzwole? The other one is down? What are we going to do with them? You sure you're ok?"

The crashing and banging of the fight behind you brings you out of the mini reverie you're both in from having been reunited. You join the other trainers shouting desperate commands as their pokemon are knocked about by Buzzwole. 

Ilima's Gumshoos faints. Kiawe's Marowak goes down next. Buzzwole is looking worn down. It's movements are slowing. The same is happening to your Incineroar, who had been battling the beast the longest. 

Guzma yells for Golisopod to sucker punch the ultra beast, and with this blow the Buzzwole freezes. It feels as if the world has stopped as every trainer and pokemon waits to see what comes next. Then, the beast crumples and falls. Guzma heaves a sigh of relief next to you. All of you had won, but with the destruction the ultra beasts left in their wake, it doesn't feel much like victory. 

You're gathered around the fallen pokemon now, questioning what comes next, when you're joined by the other half of the potential gym leaders, Hala, Kukui, and a man and woman you've never seen before. The man has a long brown coat on and introduces himself as Looker. The woman has lengthy purple hair tied in a ponytail. She calls herself Anabel. They explain that they are part of something called the UB Task Force, and they had rushed to the city to help as soon as they could. 

"The other beast?" Guzma questions. "You didn't leave it did you?"

Anabel holds up a strange looking pokeball. "Not at all!"

"They've got beast balls," Guzma mutters. 

Looker takes out another of the strange balls and tosses it at the Buzzwole. The ball shakes a couple times and then goes still. The Buzzwole was captured. Looker picks up the ball. "Thank you all for your assistance. I'm only sorry we didn't get here sooner. Looks like the city has taken a bit of damage." 

Everyone looks around silently. It's Hala who breaks the tension. "Don't fret everyone! We will rebuild. We always do!"

There's murmurs of agreement. Guzma takes your hand and squeezes. He knows how much you love this city. 

Mallow speaks up next. "What about the gym leader trials? Are we going to have to do them again?"

Kukui and Hala exchange glances. Kukui crosses his arms over his bare chest and smiles. "I think you just completed your trials. Might have gone a bit differently than planned, but complete nonetheless. Congrats! I have standing before me the eight gym leaders of Alola!"

There's cheers and levity, for the first time since the attacks. Guzma wraps an arm around you and pulls you to him. "Hey! Whaddya know!" you say to him. "Gym Leader Guzma."

He chuckles. "Yeah, I do like the sound of that." 

The mini celebration in the midst of the destruction continues for a few moments longer before everyone is dismissed. There's plenty to be done. They'd each be assigned to a city or location to establish their gyms... once the ultra beasts disaster is cleaned up. They had to hire people to staff their gyms. They even had to design them. You sigh realizing there was also still the matter of who would defeat you and take your title. There was, indeed, entirely too much to do in the wake of everything. 

People are filtering back into the city now that the threat is gone. You and Guzma head to the apartment where you're anxious to collect your pokeballs. He's got an arm around you and he seems unable to keep the smile off his face. 

When you close the door behind you, now back in the place that you both call home, he suddenly sweeps you up into a kiss. He breaks away and says, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I never - I never would have even thought about being a gym leader without you. I don't think I've ever wanted to reach a goal so bad. And now it's actually happened. There's no way I would have made it this far without you."

You laugh a bit, brushing some stray hairs away from his face. "Yeah, well, I can't take all the credit. Thanks for, you know, not giving up this whole time. I'm so proud of you." 

He smiles, looking almost a little embarrassed now. You know what a big deal it is for him to hear that someone is proud of him. You wanted it to mean something, so you'd held off saying it till now. 

Because you were proud. You'd watched him come so far from the angry and broken man you'd found inside the Pokemon Center. In the time you'd been together he'd grown into someone you truly loved. You're so happy you took a chance that day in bringing him home. And you're excited to see what he does as a gym leader. Just as Guzma had rebuilt himself, so would the city. Maybe it takes a little time, but things seem to have a way of working out if you let them. 

You take his hand and excitedly lead him toward the living room. "Come on," you tell him, "we've got your gym to plan out, Gym Leader Bug Boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we've come to the end. Mostly. Epilogue incoming.


	18. Bug Buzz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for the epilogue. Sorry if the notes for this chapter wind up being a bit long. I've definitely got a few things to say, beginning with thanks. I truly appreciate every kudo, every comment, and every message on Tumblr. For real, I seriously reread comments over and over. This fic would not have been seen to completion without the enthusiasm you guys showed. 
> 
> A couple of mild confessions? I went to school for writing and it used to be that I would write all the time. I really loved it. But after I graduated, I kinda fell into a pit of depression and it's been literal years since I wrote anything long form like this. And I started this just to see what would happen. I honestly didn't think I'd have the motivation to finish, much less finish with over 45K words. This is the longest thing I have ever written. In some ways, I think writing this was proving to myself that not only was I still capable of writing, but that I was also capable of finishing something. Those are two things I questioned about myself even just a month ago. Writing this, and the encouragement I've received in writing it, have made me the happiest I've been in a long time if I'm honest. So thank you.
> 
> Though I am happy to have completed something, I have to admit, I'm gonna miss writing this. You know, kind of submerging myself in this particular world. I will be revisiting to make some edits. Because it has been so long and because I have been a bit rusty, not everything came out exactly right. I will be going back through this and correcting a few things. Nothing major. Mostly just grammatical stuff. 
> 
> One last confession: while I used to write fan fiction once upon a time... this fic also marked the first time I wrote sex scenes. So thanks for bearing with me as I found my way through that haha. Definitely still learning in that regard. Hopefully those'll continue to improve as I write more. 
> 
> Speaking of which, as stated in the last chapter, I'm planning on my next project being a Beauty and Beast reader/Guzma AU, so stay tuned for that. I also may eventually do a bit of a sequel to this fic if I can come up with a few good ideas and if that's something people wanna see. Unfortunately you may not see much from me till mid March as I have to head out of town the next couple weekends. (I work anime and gaming conventions)
> 
> As always, you can find me on my Guzma side blog Bugaboozma where you can feel free to ask me things, suggest things, be updated on my fics, or just see me yammer on about random Team Skull or Guzma thoughts. If there's something you'd like to see from me, please let me know!
> 
> No song this time... I seriously got that last song stuck in my head bad, but hey! I really do think it's an excellent song for this fic. So go check out Call on Me by Starley. 
> 
> Thank you again, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next fic. 
> 
> Now to give everyone their happy ending. Because I'm a sucker for that and I hope you are too.

"And there you go!" you say, handing the very young trainer standing in front of you her new Pokedex. The kid's face lights up as the Rotom inside the device brings it to life. You smile and put your hands on your hips, brushing back the lab coat you're wearing. This is your very first time giving a new trainer their Pokedex and you feel jittery and proud. This was what you had been building towards. You'd always thought it would be awesome to get young trainers started on their journeys, and you're pleased to find that you were right. 

Everything about this feels so much more right and satisfying than being champion ever did. You thought back for a moment to when you were defeated. It was, perhaps, a bit of a surprise, but it's Hau that took your title. Maybe losing isn't supposed to be a good thing, but you'd been elated when it happened, and you couldn't be more proud that it was Hau of all trainers to do it. He had been off training in the time before challenging you, and it very clearly showed. It was a long and tough battle, but in the end, he had pulled through. 

You'd burst through the doors of the league building that day all smiles and joy. Guzma had reached his goal of becoming a gym leader, and now, well now was your turn to reach the goal you wanted. Before getting out your ride pager, you paused by the small memorial you'd set up near the edge of the mountaintop in honor of the Charizard who'd kept you warm and alive before it died. You still felt some lingering guilt, but you were doing your best not to let it get the best of you. After giving your last moment of silence for the fallen pokemon on Mount Lanakila, you took off for home and to tell Guzma the good news. 

But that was a while ago. In the time since, you'd discovered that the trainer school right there in Hau'oli City had a professor program for adults in the evening hours. You'd applied and been accepted instantly. Now, you're well in the midst of the program and you're completing an internship under Kukui. Though, truth be told, you were the one mostly running the lab at this point. You'd followed in his steed, taking a special interest in pokemon moves. And Kukui...

Kukui makes for the door, a bag slung over his shoulder and his ride pager in his hand. "Hey!" you say stopping him. You grab his mask off a nearby table and hand it to him. "Can't go to the Battle Royal Dome without this." 

He grins at you, taking the mask and tucking it in his bag. "Sure can't, cousin. You got a handle on everything here?" 

You nod and he's gone out the door. Since you'd taken your internship with him, Kukui had finally admitted what everyone already knew: that he is The Masked Royal. And since he now had a bit of a protege in you, he's confessed that what he really wants to do is compete in Battle Royal matches full time, continuing to grow the fame he's finding there. He's already started making more appearances at the Dome, and once you've graduated from your professor program, he's agreed to make the lab yours. 

With Kukui gone, the lab is quiet. You check your schedule to find that there shouldn't be any more trainers coming to you today. Perhaps you could duck out a little early and go catch Guzma in action as Hau'oli city's first gym leader. You leave, deciding to walk instead of using your ride pager. It's a nice day and you love seeing the sights. 

Along the way, you pass Hau, Hala, and another man you've never seen, but who bears a striking resemblance to them. The three of them wave to you and Hala introduces the new man as his son, returned from afar to celebrate his own son's turn as champion of Alola. It's been a while since Hau defeated you, and you wonder what took his father so long to come back. But the three of them look happy, especially Hala, so you're glad for them nonetheless. 

You exchange pleasantries for a bit and Hala asks how Guzma's liking being a gym leader. 

"I've never seen him happier," you say, and you're anxious to see the proof of that for yourself. 

~~~

Guzma is having the time of his life. His entire gym is an homage to Team Skull. Every surface is decorated in much the same way Shady House in Po Town was, though perhaps a little less trashed. Still, the bright, acidic colors of graffiti are abundant on the walls, and he even had his throne brought in. For at least during the times that he's gym leader, he's able to play Big Bad Guzma once again. Only difference is now, everyone is aware that it's all in good fun. 

Right now he's rising from his throne as a challenger approaches him. This kid's made it past his gym staff comprised of former grunts... though to fit the aesthetic of the gym they are still decked out in their Team Skull uniforms. The kid steps forward, and Guzma can't help but smile when he sees who it is. 

Adam, one of the kids he'd previously trained under Hala is there, ready to battle. Guzma puts his hands on his hips. "So," he says, voice dripping with mock attitude, "You're finally ready to take on Big Bad Guzma, huh?" 

The kid grins back at him. "Yeah, ready to beat you down."

The grunts who have gathered to watch whoop and let out "Ooooooohs" at the challenger's cockiness. Guzma raises a hand to quiet them and realizes they have a visitor among them. There, watching with the gym staff, is her. He feels his chest swell knowing that she's come to watch him work. Well, time to put on a show. 

"Big words from a tiny trainer," he tells Adam. "But fine! Wanna see what destruction looks like? Here it is in human form — it's your boy Guzma!" he shouts, letting out his first pokemon. He can hear her laughing from the sidelines and the flame in his chest flickers even brighter. These were some of the first words he had said to her after all, way back in Malie Garden. 

Adam had clearly been working hard before deciding to challenge Guzma. It's one of the kid's first gym battles, but he still takes down Guzma's pokemon with relative ease. Granted, Guzma was limited to using level appropriate pokemon for the battle, but still, he's impressed with the kid. When his last pokemon falls, he recalls it as the gathered grunts go wild, cheering for the victorious challenger. They never seem to tire of doing this, and Guzma wasn't about to crush their enthusiasm. 

He steps down from his throne and walks toward the boy. "So that's how it is, huh?" He fishes in his pocket for a badge, getting down on Adam's level, trying to show that he really means what he's about to say next. He locks eyes with his former trainee and says, "I'm proud of you, kid." Guzma holds out the badge of his gym. It is, of course, the Skull Badge.

Adam takes his newly earned first gym badge, beaming. He suddenly hugs Guzma then, and Guzma does his now trademark awkward back pat in response until the kid lets go.

He leaves with her after the battle, as Adam had been his last challenger for the day. She takes his hand as they walk saying, "So that was adorable." 

"Um, I think you mean incredibly leader-ly," he tells her sarcastically. 

She laughs. "Yeah, sure, that." 

He squeezes her hand a bit, enjoying the way her laughter always seems to make him feel a bit lighter. 

He never would have imagined he could be this happy before now. That night at the Pokemon Center when she decided to take him in, was the beginning of him truly finding himself for perhaps the first time ever. And now, they've built a life together. No longer are the walls of the apartment sparsely decorated. They've slowly began adding pictures of memories together, times they've reached accomplishments, celebrations with friends, etc. It's more of a home now then anything he's ever known. And so much of that feeling is thanks to her. 

Things might not always be perfect; he still thinks of his dad or Lusamine on occasion, or his confidence falters for bit. It was a tough lesson to learn that happiness isn't a constant state of being. Instead, it's something that takes active work. It takes finding and appreciating the good you can find. Though he admits, he's got a lot of good to find now. Sometimes an overabundance of it. 

They walk through the city now, which is a completely different experience compared to before. He's no longer afraid of the city's inhabitants, in fact, he's proud to be one of them. There are no more dirty looks or shouting matches with strangers. Yes, everyone still knows his face, but now it's as the gym leader. Now, he belongs. 

It had taken some time to repair the damage the ultra beasts had left. People were also recovering from injuries sustained during the incident. By some miracle, no one had been seriously hurt. The UB Task Force had been sure to thoroughly question some witnesses. Guzma had heard there were plans to track down more. He just hopes they stay away from the city. 

"We still meeting your mom for dinner?" she asks him. 

"Yeah she should be getting off work now."

"Okay, we'll meet her there then. Have you talked to Plumeria lately? How's being a gym leader going?"

"I think more than anything, she's happy to see all the grunts employed." 

Plumeria and Guzma had each hired half of the grunts for their gyms. Plumes was now the gym leader of Po Town, and had seen to it that the town be cleaned up once she got there. He hears it's even better now then it was before Team Skull occupied it. 

She trips a bit as they walk and accidentally drops her bag, a couple of the items inside falling out. He bends down before she can to get it for her. He laughs when he picks up one of the objects that had tumbled out. It's the dawn stone he had given her. "You still got this, huh?"

"Of course!" she says taking her bag from him. "It's my lucky charm." 

"Whaddya need luck for when ya got me?" He fixes her with his best egotistical grin. 

She gives him a playful shove. "Hey, it's got a lot of meaning, ok?"

He pulls her close to him, feeling touched that the small stone is so important to her. "Well, maybe it is some kinda lucky to get us both here." 

"Yeah, maybe so." She stands on tip toes so they can share a quick kiss before continuing on their way. 

And with how far things have come, Guzma does indeed feel lucky.


End file.
